I concede

Thursday, December 29, 2005

I yield... Sorry for being a burden... I concede... I respect your decision...

Posted by Gerald at 12/29/2005 01:26:00 PM

In Total Disarray

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

In my current situation, I can only describe it as such. I don't know what I'm doing... what I'm thinking... but if there's anything that came out of the past few days of brooding/ pondering/ deliberations/ whatever, it's this; I know things aren't the way we'd like it to be, and that you think it might be best to just drop it, and that you just don't want to be burdened by this. I don't even know if you still feel the same way... but I still do. I don't know where things went wrong... but I really wished they can be made right. I have not... cannot give up just like that! Still... if you were to truly be happier, to truly be much better off if I did, then out of my love for you, I will do it, although it causes me much pain. Corny? Maybe... but it is the truth about how I feel... about what's been going on through my mind...

I look to God, for even in the deepest, darkest period in my life, He is there with me. Sometimes I marvel at how other people survive when they don't have Him. I know I wouldn't be able to... I place my trust in You, O Lord, that whatever it is You have in store for me, whatever it is You have planned, that it will come to pass, for I pray, God, let Your Will, not mine be done...

I pray now that you cover her with the blood of Jesus, that she might be under your protection everyday of her life. I pray also that You annoint the works of her hands, that they may prosper be it her studies, her ministry or her interests. I ask further, O Lord, that You bless the relationships that she has with her friends and her family members. Lastly I pray that she continue to grow in You, that You will reveal Yourself to her more and more each day, so that she can be more and more Christlike. I commit her into Your hands, for that is all that I can do... Amen

Posted by Gerald at 12/28/2005 02:42:00 AM

'Wonderful' Christmas

Monday, December 26, 2005

My christmas was supposed to be exciting... Carnival at church, services, Cell Group party, celebrating with friends... I was looking forward to a great year end... but just at the last two weeks, God chooses to drop a few bombshells on me... and they're not small mini bombshells...

I despise myself... I despise myself for not being able to hold my head up high and ignore the problems around me... to smile and enjoy the christmas season... I tried... I really did... I despise myself for not making the right decision earlier... for putting myself in this situation... for making things difficult not just for myself, but for the people around me... I'm sorry... I hope that I can have a chance to rectify things, to try again... to do what I was afraid to do earlier... do I still have that chance? I hope against hope...

Posted by Gerald at 12/26/2005 01:51:00 AM

When you question the rightness of things

Friday, December 16, 2005

There are some issues in life which really get you thinking... What's the 'right' decision? What's the 'right' course of action? What's the 'right' thing to do? It's hard to answer all these questions, especially when it concerns issues that aren't explicitly stated in the bible. (Referenced because it's the basis for which I base my life principles) And then there are times you wonder if those answers are actually the important ones... maybe the questions should be "IS there a right decision?" "Should I do this or that? OR maybe doing NOTHING is the 'right' thing to do?" True, it depends on the situation, but these questions always plague us when we're faced with a situation with so many variables.

Am I doing the right thing? Maybe I should be more selfish... but I rather be self sacrificial than to be selfish... especially if it concerns people I really care for. I can't control the circumstances, just my reaction to them. I rather be the one that gives in to people instead of the person forcing everyone to do MY things MY way. Of course I stand up for the things I truly feel should be stood up against. Of course I draw the line when it comes to things which are clear. I also stand my ground if I think it's way over the line... but it's just that my line isn't quite as rigid as most people's... and it makes me seem very 'bochap', 'chinchai', 'tidak apa'... Well, I think I am, because if it makes you happy, then go ahead and use whichever method you think works best, doing whatever you think is best for you. I have my own dreams, aspirations, desires, but they're simple, uncomplicated ones, and as long as they're not directly opposing yours, I don't see a reason NOT to give in... That's assuming of course, that I have any say in the situation in the first place...

In everything I do, I always try to commit it to God... And I do so again in this case. I have faith in God, that although I really don't want to, although I don't feel like doing it, although it's really difficult for me to do it, I will still place it in His hands, wait for His will, and pray that in the end, my faithfulness will be rewarded. I believe that two nights ago, I was given the nudge to go for it. I hold on to it, just as I've held on to everything else that God spoke to me about this matter since the beginning... and pray for the best... Lord help me!

I think I'm a very simple guy. It doesn't take much to make me happy. My mum used to tell me about how she'd get a single cone of ice cream and break off a teeny bit from the bottom of the cone, take a teeny bit of ice cream and give my my own mini cone ice cream. My sis would get the rest though, and I never complained. In fact, I was very happy with that little cone. I think I haven't changed much since then... You made my day just be coming over. ^_^

Posted by Gerald at 12/16/2005 12:50:00 AM

Downside of having too much time...

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Boredom... The worse thing that can happen to any youth. We constantly strive to keep ourselves occupied with interesting activities, but when they fail to appeal to our interest anymore... it's hard not to be bored. Still, having nothing to do is better than having too many things to do and no time to do them. :)

Today, was a spectacular day for my family. I remember sharing that although me, my mother and my sister have been praying for my father for the past decade or so, he seemed pretty hardened on not accepting Christ. However, I truly felt that God can work miracles, and you never know, it might just be this period. Truly God is faithful. Somehow, when I said it, I took it by faith, and even though there was a nagging thought that maybe it may not be, I believed that now was as good a time as ever, and it certainly was. My dad came to Christ today... And I really almost couldn't believe it! In fact, when I told my sister, she called back telling me not to play practical jokes like that. My mother cried when he said the sinners prayer, and I am truly happy. This year will truly end greater than the way it started!

With this in mind, I also believe that one other area in my life will be better than the way it started this year. Perhaps now isn't the time to go into details just yet, but placing my trust in God and with Him guiding my steps, I truly believe that God will not let me down. I've been praying over this everyday for the past couple of months, and I believe that the time for decision is coming soon... and I want more than anything to make that decision according to God's will! I will say that many people have been speaking into my life through this period, and I do not believe they are merely coincidental... So in You, O God, I place my trust!

Posted by Gerald at 12/11/2005 07:26:00 PM

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

I'm having mixed feelings these days... It's been a pretty eventful week. I'm back home in KL! Met up with my uncle, cousin, grandaunties and friends, went for crab at PJ Seafood near Tropicana, 'shopping' at One-U, KLCC and Petaling Street, went down to Subang for mamak food with the usual people, visited DUMC over the weekend... All that in just 5 days! Not to mention making quite a number of wrong turns in KL while driving... but at least I learned quite a few new roads...

Anyway, something that's close to my heart right about now... I'll just quote it. (Modified a little to suit the context).

I thank my God. Life has been made so much the fuller for His giving me you. I was recounting today how rich, how full (I can't find a better word!) He has made life for me. Sealike, but having no ebb, no not at my fingertips! Nature, Body, Soul, Friendship, Family - all full for me, and then what many have not, the capacity to enjoy. "And He said, 'Lacked ye anything?' They said, 'Nothing.'" Part of me was lacking until this now - oh, I needed you, neither of us knew how sorely! And even now, though I don't have you in the fullest sense, still I do, in a sense I will not when we have known each other.

I'm sorry to have to make you wait, but I cannot use only my heart, for thus have many erred and rushed headlong, waiting not for Him. If I were to go ahead, HE must be in the center, for only then can we truly stand in times of testing and in times of blessing, for whatever He has brought together He will prosper. Forgive me... for I sincerely do not want to disappoint, in that I compromise my principles and faith in Him. If I did, what character would I then have? None that would make me the ideal man for you...

God is good. Freely I receive, freely I give. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh. I strive only to be like Abraham, to offer even that which is most important to me, by faith, that He will return it to me, for God is a good God. Amen.

Posted by Gerald at 12/07/2005 10:57:00 PM


Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Yes... I finally bid adieu to my exams. Had my last paper and it wasn't too bad. My papers this semester were pretty ok I should think... I don't know how well I do, but I believe that God will pull through for me. My confidence is in Him! I guess I really did study and do my part this time around. Hardly slacked aroud... well... I did, but it was more like breaks between studying...

As a reward, I'm going out today... Finally heading to town instead of being cooped up in NUS/Clementi area is pretty exciting, or as some put it, finally getting a life. Lunch will be a lot better than 'economic rice'... Won't have much time before I'll be going back to KL though.

To those who haven't finished their exams, all the best. I'll try not to distract you. To those who finished, don't waste the holidays.

Don't really have much left to say except, well, maybe when I come back later... ^_^

Posted by Gerald at 11/30/2005 11:51:00 AM

Extreme Duress...

Saturday, November 26, 2005

It's midway through my exams and there are 'some' people who have already finished. Yes, I know you're celebrating your liberation, but do spare us poor souls since we still have to face more papers this coming week. Add the fact that I have not one but TWO papers coming and you can see that this isn't exactly the best time for temptations.

*begin rant*

I did quite a few past year papers these few days, but I still feel the inadequacy, which I'm compensating for by reading up those parts which I am unsure of. Only problem is, I don't know if it's sufficient. There may be some topics which I may have to memorise totally in order to answer those questions. Curses, it's a freaking closed book examination. There can't possibly be anything worse than knowing that you can do this topic and that it's pure memory work required to answer the question, even when you got your concepts right. PLUS, there's a whole new programming language which requires me to memorise the syntax to reproduce the coding, but we know that if we actually use a program to generate it, it will automatically generate certain pieces of the code via a template. Who'd bother memorising which library is used when?

Maybe I'm just complaining because I don't memorise them myself, meaning I didn't study enough... but I don't believe studying and 'understanding' should be tested based simply on memory work. How much of what we actually study will be applicable to us when we go out to work in the future anyway? And EVEN if it was, we probably still have to go out and memorise it AGAIN in the future no?

*end rant*

Ignore what's written above... It's just me being whiney and wanting to put the blame on the system. It's my fault if I don't memorise it I guess... So that's what I'm trying to do now... Although I feel that I'm unsure of WHAT to memorise and what NOT to... God help me! There's 2 more papers, the one on Monday doesn't seem TOO difficult... although I hope they don't suddenly pull stunts this year. The past 2 semesters' papers were pretty doable... but I still need to work more on them I guess.

To all those who finished, congratulations! Now stop tempting us who haven't into playing... Thank goodness there are people who help me stand up against temptation. I'm really looking forward to the end of exams... There's a lot to look forward to really... These few days have been really great although there's exams and all... In the midst of it, God really brought a lot of joy into my life... and I'm really grateful for it. Thank you SO MUCH, God for blessing me so much... I don't know what else to say except... thank you!

Plans? Catch Harry Potter, go back to KL and see my family, spend time with KL peeps, church, Christmas, Hall... and much more! Semester and year coming to a close... I claim from God that it will definitely end better than when it started!

Edit: Did what I should've done from the start... No point asking me to play anymore... or to use my comp... it's just not there anymore... I'm sure you guys will have a ball... *rollseyes*

Posted by Gerald at 11/26/2005 09:06:00 PM


Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I have never felt more sorry and guiltyfor being careless than today. Spilling iced milo on someone isn't something to be proud of... I wished I could just turn back time and stay far far away from even getting close to making a mistake like that, but wishful thinking. I'm so very very sorry Elaine... >.<

Schedule is still study, study and study more... I'm probably not the most hardworking person around, but I try my best. I DO hope that I can do well to glorify Him.

Today, someone had a breakdown because of exams. I guess there's a lot of pressure to perform, but I really believe that God will always help us as His children to pull through. I prayed for her and shared a few words with her... I hope I managed to encourage her and help her to continue to trust in God. I really believe that even if it's difficult, no matter what situation you're in, no matter how bad the circumstances, no matter how terrible you think you are, God can ALWAYS redeem you and bring you back to the right track. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will bless you and as long as you cling on to Him, you will be able to see miracles in your life. God is always there, but you must persevere in seeking Him, otherwise you may not find Him. Everything about God works by faith, and if you don't mix your faith with works, God will not reveal Himself to you. The word I believe God had was Philip 3:12-14. No matter what happened in the past, whether the previous paper was good, or bad, we should put it behind us, and work towards the next one. God has called us to shine for Him, and as students, we are to do well. That is our calling, that is our purpose. So if we FOCUS on our purpose, we should put aside interim successes (the good papers we had) and the disappointments (the bad papers we had) and keep on keeping on to complete that which God has called us to do. I sincerely hope that this ministers even to me.

God is really good... He blesses us with everything we need to do what He wants us to do, so that He can bless us. I truly believe that in Christ, I can do it! He can do it for you too, just trust in Him!

Posted by Gerald at 11/22/2005 02:49:00 AM

Some photos...

Sunday, November 20, 2005

I finally got to putting photos on my blog. Taking a break from studying (Yes, I really did study today... I didn't play) and decided to post this up.

This model in case you're wondering is from Gundam SeeD. It's called the Freedom. And is really cool. The model I have is an MG (Master Grade), and isn't exactly cheap. Thanks Alex for the present. It's really nice!

Posted by Gerald at 11/20/2005 06:37:00 PM

My new desktop

Saturday, November 19, 2005

I'm trying out the photo feature of this w.bloggar thingy. At least it makes attaching photos easier, though now that I think about it, it doesn't really do much since I still have to upload the photos myself. ^_^ Oh, in case you're wondering, this picture is now my desktop background. It was drawn during my birthday celebration (Check previous posts). Cheeky friends...

Today's paper was quite alright... I hope tomorrow's will be as good. God, I did what I could, and everything else is up to You. I trust You, Lord!

Posted by Gerald at 11/19/2005 01:58:00 AM

Time to fight!

Friday, November 18, 2005

It is time... I will have to face my first challenge, CS2102. This module on database has not been easy, but i've put in my best effort in studying. Lord help me! Timecheck: 2 hours till paper.

Tomorrow I will have Linear Algebra: MA1101R. Starts at 1 pm, so I should be able to get some rest. Again, been doing what I can already.

First time trying out this w.bloggar™ thingy. Seems pretty cool. I can even add pictures to it, so I'll see if I can put up something soon... Probably my beautiful model which I still have yet to take photos of. >.<

Ok, time to sign off... Lunch, then taking my paper. To everyone else having exams too, ALL THE BEST!

Posted by Gerald at 11/18/2005 12:24:00 PM

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

My daily regiment: Wake up, eat, study, eat, study, eat, study, eat, study sleep... Wonderful! God give me wisdom, understanding, strength and Your annointing to do more in less time. I don't believe I've ever studied so much before.

I don't know how much more of this I can take, but one thing I DO know, is that I will press it through, keep on keeping on, and focus on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. I will hold fast to His precepts, His principles, His word. Regardless of the circumstances, or the outcome, Lord teach me to trust in You, to continue to believe in Your word, and to look above and beyond myself in ALL that I do. It's not about me, it's never about me. I humble myself and submit everything of me to You, because it is only in YOU that I can find fulfilment.

For we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose, and I stand on this promise. Hoping that what I want, what I do, what I think is according to His will, not mine. Furthermore, help me to continue to be a blessing to those around regardless of how busy I am, and to remember that although MY goals are important, God's calling is equally important, if not more so.

Lord, give me the patience, willpower and strength to go through this period. Give me the faith to persevere and to push through without stumbling. Give me the grace to continue keeping on even if I DO stumble, for I am but a man. We know that everything is in Your hands, and Lord I pray that I can be someone with a character that You can be proud of. I believe in You, and everything I do, I do according to Your word, so HELP ME LORD! I need You!

Posted by Gerald at 11/15/2005 11:50:00 AM

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Hectic period... had so many deadlines... Firstly, Mon I had a presentation, followed by an assesed lab which accounted for 15% of my grade. This was followed by Can You Make It?, a competition organised by final years for us to showcase your talents... I'm quite happy with the results... won third, so I was blessed with some cash... Although admittedly I think my partner, Alby deserved the money more since his singing was superb!

After the competition, it was mugging time, for yet another assessed lab today, as well as a test for my database course. The good news is, it's all over, and thank God I think it's quite alright.

The exam period is coming, so studies are a priority. There's bible study tonight though, churchwide, on the tabernacle. So I'll probably take a short break... of one day... to write my blog, destress, go for BS etc.

Yes, my birthday is over... but I still can't stop feeling truly blessed! Even amidst all the work, I can still find it in me to keep smiling. ^_^

Post exams aren't going to be much of a rest either... there are many things to do, like head home and fix up the computers in the comp suite, and move out my stuff (since hall might just be renovated), prepare for Christmas etc. So there are a lot of things happening and although I'm looking forward to them, there's still exams to go through.

To all of you who can find the time to read my blog, and keep me in your prayers, here's the timetable:

18 Nov 2005, PM (Afternoon)
19 Nov 2005, 1300hrs (Afternoon)
23 Nov 2005, 0900hrs (Morning)
28 Nov 2005, AM (Morning)
30 Nov 2005, AM (Morning)

Yes, I have yet to confirm the time for those which aren't stated... just whether it's in the morning of afternoon... >.<

So please keep me in prayers. I appreciate it very much.

I might post something more eventful or interesting, but not now... Perhaps if I suddenly have something I feel strongly about then I will...

Posted by Gerald at 11/08/2005 03:46:00 PM

Saturday, November 05, 2005

I'm truly blessed! I cannot remember the last time I was this happy.

So I was in my room at 11.50, guessing that something was going to come up since they have a tendency to do it around that time. I just didn't know what exactly to expect, half expecting a phone call or something to go to comm hall, maybe... but NOOOOO... they just HAD to troupe every single person to 3A-406.5. So there I was, on my bed, and then out pops one head, then two, then another and another and finally there were so many that it's a wonder noone fainted. Then they started singing as Elaine brought the cake in. Made my wish (secret lar) and blew out the 2.1 candles. Thus ended phase one.

I walked out and I was shocked! There were SO MANY people, not just the 3A people. The likes of Mei Kit, Yuan Mei and I-Mei (all the Mei's ^_^) were present. So were Fish and Yujun. Not forgetting the year 1s who looked a little lost and left out, but it's fine... You're welcome anytime! And I appreciate all of you for coming even though you feel a little 'alien'.

There were also call-ins... due to the fact that they couldn't make it... SMSes came in too, and my poor inbox needs to be cleaned (can't bring myself to delete those wishes). Thank you everyone!

Then the next 'event' took place, details of which I shall not mention. Suffice to say, the colour of my back could rival that of thoroughly boiled lobster. I ended up with cake in my hair too (thanks to a certain vengeful bird). So I went to clean up.

I think what I realised the most is that I am so truly blessed to have so many people around me. I appreciate the celebration and the thought of putting it together for me, and I thank you for it... but more than that, I realised that I have so many people around me that I can truly call friends! You all mean a lot to me. And yes, you've all made a very big difference in my life, even if you feel you haven't done all that much. Just by being there, I have all the reason in the world to feel truly and utterly blessed! I appreciate everything that you have done, and I guess I just want to say... THANK YOU!!! I really can't bear losing any of you. I feel so touched, so blessed, so loved!

Posted by Gerald at 11/05/2005 11:00:00 AM

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Sometimes you wonder if whatever you're doing is what you SHOULD be doing... Or maybe you ponder about why life seems surreal at times, almost like a dream, yet you know you're not dreaming. Life constantly bombards you with situations which are usually bittersweet... You may be unhappy about diffcult circumstances, yet pleased that you can face it and overcome it. You can be happy that things are going well, but also worry that perhaps they are going TOO well... Or maybe the REAL answer is that some people just think too much when they shouldn't; People like me.

Logic is my main mode of operation. I usually reason everything out; every situation, every dilemma, every option, every path, every possible outcome... and I choose which is 'logically' the best. I say USUALLY because there are definitely times I do things which are irrational... but that's besides the point. Whenever I get into a rut, I like to analyse, think, reason out... Why am I down? Why am I in this situation? What's the problem? How do I solve the problem? Is it just me or is it because of external factors? And sometimes it gets really tiring, because I tend to spend quite a substantial amount of time thinking about things instead of doing anything. Of course, by thinking rationally and reasoning logically... I do it not based on my experience alone, but also from my understanding of God's word. Is it wrong? Isn't it appropriate to stop and think about what you're doing or are going to do? Where do you draw the line? You definitely can't spend years thinking over an issue, but you don't want to do something without thinking it through thoroughly either...

Thank goodness God is good and He gives His children wisdom which enables us to make decisions that are for our own good. Wisdom is something I pray for every day. Wisdom to study, to know what to say, when to say it, how to say it, wisdom in actions, wisdom in making decisions. And I really thank God for His many blessings in this area.

So, is there something bothering me? Yes and no. Yes, I think it's affecting me, but I'm going to constantly focus on the revelation I got... to continue to be a blessing, and as long as I keep that in front of me, I can smile no matter what happens.

Does anything mentioned above make sense? Probably not. Guess I'll just have to trust God and keep on keeping on...

Posted by Gerald at 11/02/2005 09:02:00 PM

Friday, October 28, 2005

Here's a short post...

My blog is worth $3,387.24.
How much is your blog worth?

Suppose it's quite valuable... ^_^

Your IQ Is 120

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional

Your General Knowledge is Above Average

I feel dumb... >.<

Posted by Gerald at 10/28/2005 01:59:00 PM

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Motivation, discipline, drive... these are the things currently a little lacking in me. Thank God I have great project group members who help me out... although I feel kind of bad because I don't seem to be doing all that much. I'd like to carry my share of the workload thank you... and sorry if it seems that I'm not doing anything...

Today is halloween celebration... not like we celebrate, but I have a performance and I hope it turns out ok. Doing all my tutorials for this week too... so I think I'm pretty preoccupied...

No time for long posts... Will work on my tutorials now...

Posted by Gerald at 10/26/2005 01:08:00 PM

Friday, October 21, 2005

Today, I thought through some things and I guess I've come to a very seemingly obvious conclusion... although it's quite a revelation to me.

What's the difference between serving and working? One very basic thing... serving is giving your all to further the cause of another without hope of reward, payment or acknowledgement... whereas working is doing it FOR THE SAKE of the reward. How does this affect me? Simply that if I were to do something for another person, I wouldn't be genuinely serving if I was expecting something in return... acknowledgement, or maybe recognition.

Something happened in concert this year... I wasn't in the Concert Central Committee, but I still put in a lot of effort (I think). I helped write the script (edit and whatnot), handle their web stuff, did some publicity stints and finally went to cast, helping the directing (minor role there) and dancing. I enjoyed every moment of it, but I think I felt a little left out because as a senior, you don't really get the same kind of recognition as a first year... neither do people acknowledge you as a CCC member. So in a sense, it was a bit weird. I didn't quite fit in either group...

I appreciate all the encouragement and thanks that everyone has given to me. Really... there's no need to go buy anything after you read this... I don't expect you to do that. In fact, after today, I have a whole different perspective on this area. I'd like to think of me as having done my part, serving a greater cause (Concert) and done it well, without doing it for the recognition, position or fame... And receiving any of the 'rewards' COULD undermine that. Not saying that you should all stop giving gifts, but I don't want to come to a point where I start doing a lot of things so that people will go shower me with thanks and praise.

I think what I really want to say is that I shouldn't expect anything when I'm serving... not thanks, not gifts, not acknowledgements, NOTHING. It'll be great if I got them, and I thank you for it, but I shouldn't go around feeling unappreciated and moody if I didn't... (At this point, all of you'll probably point your finger at me and say... oooh... you wanted it!) I admit, I did feel left out... but hey, I feel much much better now because I changed my mindset. I'm glad and I'm glad and I'm glad I had the opportunity to serve, and it turned out great! So that is reward enough for me... regardless of whether or not I received anything.

So the conclusion? Serving has taken on a new dimension for me, and that includes in church... or rather, I should say ESPECIALLY in church. I think I really understand what my CGL has been talking about... but God is good... for His joy fills our hearts even as we serve, and we are appreciated by Him. That is probably more fulfilling than any reward anyone can give!

Think I've said enough. Tiring day today, but I'm happy I can realise this myself. Part of the reason of posting is so that I can remind myself constantly that this is the mindset I should have... and I pray and I pray and I pray that God help me keep it!

Posted by Gerald at 10/21/2005 01:46:00 AM

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Came back from Bible Study today wondering if there are any demons in my life... I certainly would want to deal with them if there are any... But I believe in due time God will help me deal with them...

Work progressing not as well as expected. I'm trying to catchup really, but it's hard when you have to spend more time understanding the topic... I feel like just dropping everything and going to sleep... for maybe a week...

It's funny how just when you think everything's going fine, something just pops up to remind you that it never is... I thought after concert I'd find the time to catchup on work, but then some other things come up and suddenly I'm swamped with so many other things... tutorials among them... Mood swings are not uncommon, but I still think it's always a choice to smile... God knows I should more...

I'm not gonna waste too much time posting... there are tutorials beckoning and I have to get back to them... may just take a long LONG break from posting...

Posted by Gerald at 10/19/2005 11:09:00 PM

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Thus beginneth the slow process of getting back into the usual mode of life. Concert was great, but the initial parting leaves a certain void which temporarily leaves members in a daze... I thought that wouldn't happen this year... wishful thinking...

I started catching up on tutorials... There's quite a bit to be done, but I think I'll manage. This week is still going to be hectic, with so many events coming along. There's a computer games competition which I have to help out in, inventory checks, tutorials, assignments, labs etc. Priority should obviously be for studies, but those are a little more flexible in terms of time... so it should be ok with a bit of juggling...

My mind isn't at it's peak just now... there's just too many things that I have to think of and I don't think I have the ability to make the most coherent decisions just now... Probably not the most coherent posts either...

Posted by Gerald at 10/18/2005 02:16:00 AM

Sunday, October 16, 2005

It's OVER! Concert is finally over and everyone can settle down. It was a great show really, I'm so proud of you! You guys really rose to the occassion, and I'm glad I'm glad I'm glad that I became a part of this concert!

Thank you sets, the bar was amazing! The lights were amazing! You guys did a tremendous job!

Thank you costumes! The Catwalk dresses were dazzling and so were all the rest.

Thank you tech for being super alert, reliable and on queue everytime! All those errors in earlier runs are worth it... Because you guys did a great job at the end!

Thank you SMs for also being alert and doing a great job in managing stage... It worked out really fine!

Thank you ticketing for selling so many tickets and making more and more people unable to come... It was great!

Thank you marketing for raising so much that we could do so many things (Like getting that afro) and working your butts of. My hats off to ya!

Thank you music for creating such wonderful masterpieces I can't seem to forget them. You guys did the hall proud!

Thank you publicity, for putting up with my absence and helping make wonderful material which I will cherish always...

And last but not least, thank you so much cast! To be honest, I was quite disappointed when I first came down and saw how you were progressing... I saw the daunting task of turning all of you to be stage-worthy. I really felt that you guys were at an all time low during Comm Hall week... But, we managed to pull through. You guys are amazing no matter what people say. Heck, even the Thursday full run was not up to scratch, but whithin just one day, you became performance worthy (You guys work great if there's a crowd). And Saturday was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! I know and I know and I know all you guys feel the magic of concert and I really hope that you keep it with you as something you will always remember and cherish!

But all good things come to an end... Do remember to catch up on studies guys... And make sure you guys get rest... and I mean it!

Posted by Gerald at 10/16/2005 07:31:00 AM

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Today's run was absolutely GREAT. With the exception of a few errors, I think we managed to pull off a good show. There was an error on Catwalk, but thank goodness everyone pulled together and it didn't show that there was any... ^_^ I bet the audience didn't know there was a MAJOR error there... which is good...

Cast was astonishing today. You guys really proved that you can do it, and that our faith in you was well placed. I really think you guys (and gals) are super talented, and tomorrow will be the day you guys really put in your best. It's only one more day, and sadly, it will be the LAST CHANCE to experience this concert... make it a good one!

I'm on a high, but tomorrow will be even better... I believe we can do it perfectly, everyone of us! So put in your best and run for it!

Posted by Gerald at 10/15/2005 01:14:00 AM

Friday, October 14, 2005

Long day today. Tomorrow is THE day, and I'm a little nervous... not because I can't stand to be on stage, it's just that I'm a little worried that I didn't practice enough. Somehow, I seem to be unable to remember everything... Praying that I will...

Today's run wasn't the most encouraging to be truthful. Performance is TOMORROW (Today considering it's past 12), but we're still missing some blockings and people are still breaking out of character. I guess a lot of people are really enjoying the show, so much so that they break character easily... Guys, I know you like to enjoy concert, but please, don't laugh if you break character... don't laugh when something funny happens, unless you're supposed to laugh... It matters because if you break it won't become funny anymore... it'll just be another moment of poor acting... Stopping yourself from breaking character is all psychological... You need to discipline yourselves to do it. You got very nice directors who seldom scold, scream and shout at you, but don't step all over them... they need you to be disciplined on and off stage... like keeping quiet, like not breaking character, like being where you should be when you should be... it ALL counts!

Bad news, I LOST MY LEATHER SHOES!!! ARGH!!! I'm so disappointed in myself... Misplaced it somewhere during comm hall runs and now I can't find it... I'll need to find another for tomorrow... and a few other bits and pieces of costumes... like a huge wig... and I mean REALLY HUGE wig... Plus socks, and a black shirt...

Also, I realised something today... and please, I AM NOT GAY... ^_^ I think I look pretty good in pink. Or at least I think I do when I'm in my costume. Hope everything turns out great tomorrow...

Posted by Gerald at 10/14/2005 02:09:00 AM

Thursday, October 13, 2005

It's been another hectic day... Unfortunately didn't get much blocking done. I don't really know if this is bad or how bad it is, but it's not exactly progressing very well... Hopefully things will shape up in time...

Took a break from cast for BS today. It was another lesson on healing. Brother Jimmy did a pretty good job on it... Shared a bit with Jamie too, I think it was pretty good that we managed to talk over some things. Guess we all mature in time, and thank God I believe the both of us have over the past year or so.

Concert will be over soon. I don't really want it to... but all good things must end, and i'll miss this one. These few days were nostalgic (Poppy anyone?) and I must say, I understand a lot more than when I was in concert last year. It's the last mile, so I hope everyone just enjoys it and come out feeling they've done a great job.

Posted by Gerald at 10/13/2005 01:42:00 AM

Monday, October 10, 2005

I've been up since about 4.50 am this morning. I couldn't sleep. I don't know why I have to contend with things like this... Life is tough enough as it is. What was I expecting? I don't know... Maybe I was hunting for something to look forward to too much...

Lord, I may not feel at my peak, but I will praise You even when I feel down, especially when I feel down, because it is the best time to praise. I don't know what else to do. I can't think straight...

I need to buck up though. Concert is coming... Deadlines are arriving, work is piling up... I need to forget everything and concentrate on getting through this period. By God's grace, I'll make it out in one piece.

Sermon on Sunday was awesome... it encouraged me to keep running and to focus on the more important things and leave the rest to God.

I don't know what else to post... maybe something more coherent when I'm thinking straight...

Posted by Gerald at 10/10/2005 06:25:00 AM

Friday, October 07, 2005

Concert is coming up very soon. Everyone's busy polishing last minute details. Comm hall runs started off on a down, but it picked up yesterday when everyone started working together cohesively. Energy was up and Li Ling gave us a very clear picture of what it means to have high energy. It was really important that everyone in cast really put in their 100% and the results are starting to show. It's not too late guys, so don't worry too much... you're getting there, so keep at it for another week. That's all you people have... and then you'd wish it wasn't over... Trust me.

The hall server has been doing pretty well lately. Forums have toned down a little, but there are a lot of lurkers around. Also, We managed finally to implement a little feature called php on our site, which will make updating a whole lot easier. I'm just waiting for some JCRC (Rubba probably) to come online so I can give him the details. Hopefully then the whining in the forums about 'lack of updates' will cease somewhat. Not that I don't appreciate the feedback, but if all people can post is 'WHY NOT UPDATES ONE???!!!1111' and don't tell me what you mean by updates I frankly couldn't care less. Yes, the hall main page is important, and updates are important, but I have no direct way of obtaining information on ALL the upcoming events. So please, if you guys want an update on the main page about an event, tell me WHAT INFORMATION YOU WANT ON THE MAIN PAGE. Maybe then I can help you guys out.

Studies are OK I guess, lagging a little bit, but I'm trying to catch up again (Tutorials) in the midst of concert. Test results were satisfactory so far. Believing God for the rest.

Today is Cell Group day! YAY! It's been a 'low' week, a lot of people feeling the stress and pressure of concert. I thank God I was given the opportunity to be an encouragement to some of them. I'm looking forward to getting refreshed later, so thank you God!

Gundam Seed Destiny ended it's run I think at episode 50. The ending was fine I guess, but it feels rushed... so unless I'm mistaken and there's at least one more episode to wrap things up, I'm a little disappointed.

... I was approached by someone asking if I was interested in doing modelling. o.O The ironic thing is that it's concert period and our production is about modelling. I don't understand exactly why they decided to approach me... I don't think I look like I can model anything... maybe if I worked out more... but I don't. *oops* I told them no, but they insisted on my number. Delusions of grandeur maybe, but I acquiesced. I got a call and I told them to contact me another time... I'm not particularly free these few weeks... Heard that some of these are scams asking you to pay them or something, so I'm probably going to just tell them NO. I don't think being a pretty boy to market something is something I wanna do anyway.

The number of people who visit have dwindled lately. Probably because I stopped updating more regularly. Sorry guys, but I DO have a lot of other things to do, unless you want one sentence updates... I rather save up and unload in a huge 'essay' though. Till next time...

Posted by Gerald at 10/07/2005 02:31:00 PM

Saturday, September 24, 2005

The utter lack of direction is what makes life extremely boring. That's what I truly believe, and somehow, I think I'm currently in that very uncertain situation. I'd like to look ahead and have plenty of things to look forward to, but nothing seems too appealing just now. There's church and cell of course, and that's exciting and interesting, but apart from that, it's been pretty routine.

Mid terms starting... I've done what I can for tomorrow's paper and I'm going to call it a night. I hope to be able to do decently in this paper since I believe I put in quite a bit of effort and I claim the good results now because I believe God will give me those results. (Positive confession really works) Writing this by faith too... So Lord, please, help!

Concert is coming up soon too. I've been helping around here and there, doing the occasional little bits here and there. It can be quite nice and the year 1s have a LOT OF POTENTIAL. I just hope they realise that, put in their effort and make it a good one. They can do a much better job than us, so I certainly hope they push for that.

And yes, I haven't updated much lately, but i'll try to again from now on. The hall server is doing ok now, so that's a relief. That also means I get more time to do everything else. I might take up more sports if I can... so that's great.

The next time I see my parents i'll be in KL. It'll be fun to go back there and stay with them instead of Thailand. Hope they're both doing fine. Praying for them and my sister too. Love you all!

Ok, time to sleep. Paper tomorrow, so I'll catch some rest. Tata!

Posted by Gerald at 9/24/2005 03:29:00 AM

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

It's been super long since i've last posted. Life's been pretty good lately... what with uni life back in full swing. I'm still keeping up with studies, and hall activities, so this is a pretty good period. I'm not about to slack now and lose that advantage.

Mid terms will be around in two weeks... I have 4 mid terms coming... which is pretty bad... but I think i'll manage. Here's the timetable...

24th Sept CS2105 - computer networking
26th Sept EE2006 - digital design
27th Sept CS2103 - software engineering
27th Sept CS2102 - database systems

There. I'm already studying for them so I have faith that they'll turn out well...

Now that the boring stuff's over, hall has been really interesting lately. Being a 'senior' it's kinda different... but if anything hall life is still very fun. I managed to learn quite a bit playing around with the hall server. I managed to get everything up to scratch and progress is pretty good, so I'm happy. I can concentrate on studying too, which is even better.

Another note, VIDEO FOR LAST YEAR'S CONCERT IS FINALLY OUT!!! I'm going to buy the dvd version for quality. I haven't seen it myself, but I'm looking forward to it. Finally, I can see what I look like on stage... Thanks to Mei Kit for rushing the video out even though the hard disk crashed...

Gah, my keyboard is sticky and makes it difficult to type correctly. I'll be hunting for a new one soon... hopefully nothing to expensive, yet not as cheap as this one...

On a scale of 1-10 I'd say life is looking up. Spiritually too, I think God is doing something really great this period. I'm really gearing up for a great year end!

Ok, I don't know if I missed anything. This is really a praise report... so just bear with me.

OH YEA... I forgot to add... my sister is now officially engaged... meaning I'm going to have a brother in law... not that I didn't see it coming, but I guess since it's OFFICIAL... *shrug* At least I know it won't be tomorrow or anytime that soon... which ALSO wasn't unexpected... :) Rooting for ya sis!

I managed to finish up a really cool model during the holidays too. Too bad I can't seem to get a decent photo of it to post up just yet. It's my new 'baby' and looks awesome! ^_^ I'll really try to post photos of it... but not anytime too soon.

Right, that's about all I think. Hope everyone's doing great too! Cheerio!

Posted by Gerald at 9/13/2005 09:03:00 PM

Friday, July 15, 2005

So I'm back in Singapore again. It was super fun in KL. I miss it already. There was so much to do... and eat! I think I was on a major eating spree. My parents came down too, so we kind of had quite a bit of family time. We went to visit my grandmother in Ipoh too, but it was a one day trip. I also managed to eat some Sitiawan food. THAT was absolutely lovely. Also, last night, I had a super heavy meal at PJ Seafood center next to Tropicana. 1kg of Butter Crab and 1kg of Marmite Crab definitely makes a wonderful meal.

Food aside, I managed to see some people who have been away studying. Friends in KL certainly, but also including Desmond who I haven't seen in ages, Yvonne and Michelle. I skipped meeting Uncle Kueh, but that's another story.

I managed to catch quite a lot of movies too. In fact, I caught two yesterday. Batman Begins and The Fantastic Four. Both were good movies IMHO. Batman Begins was a very realistic show compared to a lot of other comic book movies. There were none of the fake gadgets, superhuman strength or ultra-evil villans. It was a pretty down to earth movie, explaining why and how, if ever possible, Batman came to be. I liked the fact that even though he did many of those jumping and acrobatic stunts, they actually gave him bruises for them. Add a villain who acts and thinks like a terrorist (which we can identify with) it makes for a good movie without the fakeness that comes with a lot of other movies.

The Fantastic Four on the other hand, is a show that by virtue of it's story, is not meant to be 'realistic'. Still, I think the element of conflicting 'family' ideals was pretty prominent. It was funny, entertaining, serious and action packed. The character development was pretty good especially for Ben a.k.a. The Thing. The Human Torch didn't have much (although he probably doesn't have much 'development' in terms of his character), and I really think the Mr. Fantastic/Invisible Girl relationship could've been better. Dr Doom was and utter letdown for me. He wasn't the all powerful, menacing guy I'd hope he'd be. Maybe he was, but it wasn't portrayed that way most of the time.

OK. Movie review over. I liked both shows and I think they are worth the watch. I am however, looking forward to something else... Harry Potter. The 6th and 2nd last book debuts July the 16th. I am quite interested in reading it and will probably spend a whole day reading it if I get my hands on it. I do NOT intend to buy it just yet, but maybe some eager friend would buy it and finish it. *Hint*Hint*

OK, that's all for now. More updates and blogging goodies coming soon.

Posted by Gerald at 7/15/2005 03:01:00 PM

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Musical Baton Olympics???

So I'm back in KL a tad bored and I run across a little something which makes me obliged to post.

Total volume of music files on my computer: less than 1 gig (probably about 200 mb) due to the fact that I just bought a new computer.

The last CD I bought: Reflector

Song playing right now: Gavin DeGraw - I Don't Wanna Be

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:

I Don't Wanna Be - Gavin DeGraw (Hooked on that song... catchy tune)

All My Life - K-Ci and JoJo

Welcome to my Life - Simple Plan (Band... )

1985 - Bowling for Soup (Same as above, except influenced by Turning Point)

Heart of Worship - Sonicflood (Beautiful song)

Five people to whom I'm passing the baton: (Assuming you people read my blog)

Steph - B|aZ

P/S: To my dearest friends (among those who blog) i.e. the 5 people mentioned above; to "receive" the baton, copy and paste my post then replace the words in red with your own answer =) <==hah, din even change these words, see what i mean by lazy?

Posted by Gerald at 7/07/2005 08:05:00 AM

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Has a lot been going on? Quite... I'm pretty much busy with hall activities, serving in cell and running errands. I finally got a new PC which I'm quite happy about. An AMD 64 3000+ with a GeForce 6600 GT, 15" LCD monitor and 2.1 speakers. I'm very pleased with it myself.

I managed to fix the hall server somewhat. The forums are up but there's a lack of SMTP service on the server. I need to install that but I've been unable to locate the CD for the server software. That leaves me stuck with a little problem, but it shouldn't take long to overcome.

Concert script is underway. I've done 3 scenes so far, and even though it still needs lots of revision, it seems decent. Still, the conversation is very 'me' if you get my meaning. Hopefully it will turn out alright. I do hope it's appreciated as much as I'd like it to be.

The other hall guys are also busy with orientation drawing close. RHOC and FLOAT peeps are having a difficult time, working till 3/4 am. Thank goodness they have the weekend off.

Cell is pretty tremendous. It's prospering now even though it's the holiday period and many people aren't around. I'm doing what I can to help out, and I think we're all working hard. I pray that God will bless all of us even as we run together for him!

A lot of updates? A final one from me, I'm heading back to KL next week. WHOOPIE! I hope I get to see everyone this time. It should be holidays now, so keep your schedule free!!! Looking forward to it. That's all for now, so signing off!

Posted by Gerald at 6/28/2005 04:54:00 PM

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Well, I'm back in hall, and finally uploaded all that I needed to so the blog now has a new face. It's sad really that it's still simple, but after realising that I can't use php unless I get my own site, I figured it would be better to just hang it for the time being and use blogger.

I ate a lot and the first reaction people got when they saw me was "You've grown fat." ??? -_-? Me? Fat? Well, ok, I put on some weight, but it's good for me. I think I filled out a bit and that's quite ok because I'm so skinny anyway. Still, I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be called fat.

Thailand was pretty relaxing. Visited my parents and got much needed rest. It was HOT though, much like it is in Singapore too. The difference is, hall is currently mosquito infested. I think I'll purchase some Ridsect™ or VapeMat™, and maybe buy some mosquito coils. I'll probably be able to get more sleep then.

Back to Thailand, I watched a lot of movies while I was there, catching all those which I intended to watch but thus far never had the chance. Shows like Master and Commander were pretty ok. I STILL haven't watched Million Dollar Baby though, but I'll try to soon.

Upcoming events these few months: Batman Begins, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, my new PC. Need to go shopping soon for a good deal. Either that or I wait till I have my final room before purchasing so I save myself from lugging it around.

Yes, lots of mini updates, nothing all that substantial. I could probably shelf designing due to the fact that it seems my 'skills' in this area is severely limited. Till something interesting comes up, signing off!

Posted by Gerald at 6/11/2005 09:58:00 AM

Saturday, May 14, 2005

It's been quite some time since my last post. I've been having quite a fun time this holidays. Came back from Genting™ which was a pretty good trip. We stayed there 2 nights and had a lot of fun. Unfortunately, it was a little foggy and wet on the second day so we couldn't try a lot of rides, but we did go for quite a few and I'm pretty happy about that. So, me, Garlic, Wei Chong, Ian, Tommy, Blur, Sushi and Sze Mun were at the top enjoying ourselves. We got 2 rooms, and our room was the bigger one naturally... But it was split 6 ways. Still, we had the PS2 which was quite a big focus during our stay there. Pretty cheap to pay RM50 for 2 nights in Genting™... it WAS off peak mind you... low season in fact (Exam period in both Singapore and Malaysia ^_^) So it was really good. Winning 11™ was pretty much the highlight of things, but football isn't really my kind of thing, so I became the 'free frag'. It was pretty fun to watch though.

In case you're wondering, I'll be in KL till the 31st of May. I will then be off to Thailand for a few days and be back in Singapore on the 10th of June. When I finally move in then, I MIGHT come back to KL for a week around July (Since most people will be having holidays then...) It's quite sad because most people in KL now are either having exams or they're coming soon... Guess it's just the way it goes.

I also went for the IMAX experience. Don't get me wrong, it's pretty nice IMHO, but I think for the price you pay it's not quite worth it. Luckily I had my cousin who could get cheap tickets. I think she frightened my friends a little though, she told us that she just 'closed down Kyros Kebab™' and they were like "Whoa, she can close people down?" ^_^

Ok, I'm reading books now again... but not devouring them as fast as previously because I have to go out every once in a while... I had a flat yesterday which took off my entire afternoon, but I got everything fixed and ready to go. I made Ben Shyen late for class though, so I'm very sorry about that. I was wondering about that event but God reminded me to not only be slow to anger but also continually be sacrificial in serving. I guess He really rammed home that point.

Yesterday's cell was pretty good too. We had some YWAM people who came down on their way to Indonesia. They shared their hearts out and Sunny (I hope that's the correct spelling) shared about how we have to trust God to take care of everything because He's SO BIG. I'm inclined to agree. Although I don't think I have a calling to full time missions, I do feel that it's a matter of time before I go for missions myself. What she said is true, this land is ours, we're here. If we don't win this land for God, who will? If not us then who? That went straight to my heart and yea, I'm going to come back as soon as I can. I'm going to avail myself and say, "Lord, here I am. Use me," even if I don't know how or where. For now, I know God called me to study, but in the future, well, only God knows.

I've been pretty blessed this whole week. Granted it's been a slacking week, but it's still not exactly idling around if you get my meaning. All the best for those still with exams. God bless!

Posted by Gerald at 5/14/2005 01:03:00 PM

Monday, May 02, 2005

Holidays are cool, except for one thing... All the things you wanted to do after your exams? Well, you never really get down to doing them. So I wrote a list of things to do before my exams. They include: Learning PHP, Thinking about the script for next year's concert, playing DOTA, redesigning this site, fix my Suse Linux and probably a couple more which I've forgotten. In any case, it's good that I'm reading up a bit on PHP. I'm trying to use it to redesign my site, but I realised that I can't manipulate the database except those fields given by Blogspot™ and other third party companies. So that leaves me with modifying normal Blogspot™ templates.

I'm enjoying life... I'll go for tea now so I'll continue later. ^_^


I cleaned up the comp suite today. It wasn't really in a very bad state, so I could do it myself. It's quite ok now except that it's not vacuumed... and I don't intend to do it just yet. So at least ONE thing is out of the way.

PHP is fun. I seriously kind of enjoy knowing that I can 'program' a webpage, but it's good to have a real purpose for it. My blog for instance, instead of any old page. Still, interacting with a database would NOT be particularly easy to implement, and I seriously need to know HOW to do it. That will come during the holidays... I hope...

Packed up some clothes and my miscellaneous items today. I've got tomorrow to finish everything, but I've settled with throwing a lot of stuff away. Hopefully I can move out without any inconveniences.

Ok, I won't write too much. Game starting soon, so I'm off.

Posted by Gerald at 5/02/2005 03:13:00 PM

Friday, April 29, 2005

Well, it's been a VERY erm... eventful week. I've had FOUR papers thus far and I KNOW I did my best to study for all of them. It started out very well, with the first paper pretty much doable; I completed just about everything I could, so the exams started out on a good note. However, it deteriorated as the week progressed. EE was tough, I completed about 75% of the paper, which was about all that I could do given the time. Then came math, and my goodness, the lecturer must be out to totally crush our morale. I would have done pretty well had I understood the question, but about 50% of the paper left me in the dark. And finally today, Digital Logic and Design, that too was a total killer, having not enough time to attempt all questions. I really think that it would've been justified to be down the entire week... except I think I'm really not. I dunno. I just feel a sense of detachment, kind of like it's not worth the worry, even though logically I think I should be very worried now. Guess the peace of God can be really amazing.

Right now, I'm also studying for my last paper, which is my Singapore Studies module on the Evolution of a Global City State. Interestingly, I'd thought I would score on at least this module, but that somehow failed to happen. I wrote a term paper and rewrote the whole thing when I found that it was not up to standard, but still I didn't manage to exactly score in that paper. I guess I should've S/U'd the module, but it was not something I really wanted to do if there was a chance I could do well. I'm just going to have to trust God again for his provision.

The one thing that comes to mind now is what I remember one Pastor Jim Yost sharing with me a while back; It's when you put yourself in at the edge and say, "God if you don't do something I'm going to fall" that you see miracles happen. Not implying that we should intentionally play the whole semester and hope to do well (I admit I played but I really studied for the exams >.<) but even after all that hard work, and the situation is as such, the only thing you can do is pray for God to work his miracles. I believe that He will do it for me!

Right now I should go back to studying. There's just ONE MORE paper left, and then I can use the time to catch up on sleep, and do some other stuff that's been screaming for my attention. Signing off...

Posted by Gerald at 4/29/2005 02:26:00 PM

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Exams are starting in a few days. I'm doing what I can to prepare for the test, but somehow it never seems enough. I think that if I want to survive next semester onwards I need to focus a lot more.

Anyway, just a short break to write a few things in here. I'm seriously dead bored with this design, so the long overdue major overhaul is going to arrive just about after my exams. I'm going to learn PHP, which should make this more interactive. I just hope blogspot allows people to actually do that... Otherwise, I guess it'll be back to the same old style... but design wise, it's seriously got to change.

I wonder why there are so many things about blogs which make people become so interested in them. The incident at NUS (about that guy declaring his love for a girl in the middle of lecture) wasn't that big an issue until the 'victim' started blogging about it. I won't comment about this matter, but it's evident that blogs have become more than just a private place to rant. In fact, if you actually vent your frustrations or personal opinions on the net, you may suddenly become the target of abuse. That scholar who was severely affected (by the media naturally) because he ranted a little in his blog, clearly shows that blogs are no longer 'private'. Anonymity was one of the key reasons people wanted to post their thoughts on the net instead of writing it in a journal. No, I do not condone racism (as in the case of the scholar) nor do I wish to comment on the 'love' issue, but obviously human curiousity has led to many strange phenomenons of late. That 'love' issue made the 'victim's blog suddenly flooded with visitors, all eager to pry into what happened after and to find out her reaction. Granted, it was a public confession which was filmed by the NUS webcast, but why the big fuss? The event was even sprayed on the front page of the Straits Times™ days later. Some say that it was allowed because the government is trying to promote marriage and hence the huge publicity, but even more endearing is the fact that so many people around the world were interested in the issue. The number of searches from Google™ for the girl and news about her was certainly plenty.

Blogs are meant for penning down thoughts, feelings, rants, anything that a particular person may want to write. Of course, being public, it is inevitable that people stumble across it once in a while, so a certain amount of discretion is expected. Essentially, I believe the author has a 'right' to write whatever he or she wants in his or her blog as long as it is according to the terms of service of whatever publishing or blog website host. As humans, we sometimes feel down or a certain dark side may emerge; we are weak in the sense that we have all fallen before. So assuming one does suddenly feel frustrated over a certain 'group of people' and in the heat of the moment write something uncharacteristic of a 'good, mature, understanding, perfect human' in his or her blog, is it grounds enough to condemn the person? It would be different if the entire content of the blog is to condemn a particular group of people or person, but if it was just a reflection of what that person felt at that time, is it wrong? Can we truly say we have never fallen into the same pit before? Is the fact that every other post written in the blog had nothing threatening save a few rants simply void because of ONE post? I certainly wonder. I do not hope that I would fall into the same trap, but I do believe that if I were to post in my blog, and truly state my feelings, it may sometimes make certain people unhappy. That is life. I don't think we have a right to judge a person like that. The only thing we can do is control how we react to that person and his or her actions.

So what's my point? What I write, is what I want to write, because a blog to me is an avenue to release emotions. That said, the responsibility to write what is edifying and that which is 'good' lies upon me. The only thing anyone ought to do about it is react positively to it. Understand that a lot of times, people make mistakes because they do things on impulse. Also try to understand that people do a lot of things because they just didn't know better at that time. It's not our job to condemn them. Spamming and sending hate mail will only harden that person, not change him or her. Making comments like, "This person doesn't deserve to be human" or anything similar in no way makes that person come to his or her senses. I say unless the blog is repeatedly going against morality and ethics then leave the author who wrote that one post be. It was a slip and ignoring it would be far better than condemning him or her for it.

Blogs are public, but also remember that it is the avenue a lot of people choose to speak out whatever they feel inside. We all make mistakes, as long as we learn from them, it's fine. There's no need to keep harping on it. For me, I think I'll keep personal posts in another place where NOONE but me can see it.

Posted by Gerald at 4/21/2005 11:44:00 PM

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Finally fixed the picture problems... I deleted them by accident... but it's all back up now.

Exams are around the corner, and it's no easy thing studying. I guess I do study, but sometimes it just seems that it's not enough. Distractions aside, I at least try to cover what I can and thank God for His provision. I still need to keep working.

Life in hall has settled down, but there are a few things still left unsettled. For one thing, I've been approached to handle the hall server which seems really good. It won't be as time consuming although it WILL be a bigger responsibility. I'm praying that it won't clash with anything that I might need to do, especially not studies and cell.

Easter has been great, and these few weeks too. Hope everyone else had a great easter too.

I just submitted my essay today and hopefully I get an A for it. Praying for it. Also studying for an upcoming test, so I shouldn't write too much. Thank you all for your concern. I'll be heading back to KL early May, but I might have to drop back down to Singapore in June. Looking forward to break, but have to go through exams first. Trusting in God for it... and studying too. ^_^

Posted by Gerald at 4/07/2005 06:18:00 PM

Monday, March 21, 2005

It's been a long time...

DND was just over. It was good, although I personally felt it wasn't as spectacular as it was meant to be. The Final Years were hillarious. I think it's a tradition to dig out all those 'dirt' and expose it (again) to the whole hall. It's really funny, but I also know that the people involved can get pretty hurt. Don't take it seriously, after all, it's just for phun and I seriously don't think they mean to insult you. At least they didn't do it behind your backs.

I'm trying to catch-up on studies. Dance Uncensored will be this Wed, so I have to get my work done by then. It shouldn't be a problem but I really pray that God will continue to help me.

Easter is coming. I'm hoping and praying that my friends' from hall will go down. I've already tried asking but I still have not got a solid yes. I'll just have to keep asking and trusting God to give me the harvest. I'm going all out for it!

Studies must be up to scratch. Off to do it now!

Posted by Gerald at 3/21/2005 01:26:00 PM

Saturday, March 12, 2005

I went for Ps Benny Hinn's conference today. It was AMAZING. Singapore Indoor Stadium was simply packed. Luckily I was in choir so I got my seat... ^_^ The place was electrifying. There were about 5000 people who couldn't get inside. And today was just the first day. The healing was amazing. I saw a girl who just came out of brain tumor operation get up from her bed and walk on stage. I also saw a whole bunch of people leave their wheelchairs and start walking... some even running. It was really amazing. The deaf were healed as were the blind. It was absolutely amazing how God's power swept throught the place.

Pastor also shared that in Jesus' time, they never questioned His ability to heal, they questioned His ability to bring salvation. Now however, people don't really question His ability to save, they question His ability to heal! The truth is, He does BOTH, and He does it VERY WELL. You just have to have the faith for it and grab it!

Pastor also prayed for the choir (US!!!) and it was amazing. All of us joined hands and closed our eyes... and before I knew it I flew back literally and couldn't get up. It was much later when I realised the WHOLE CHOIR was down. It was absolutely amazing. I want to go back to receive more but alas, I got a test tomorrow. It was a real blessing to be serving in choir.

Ok. I should go back and study now. Just wanted to share this praise report before I lose the fire. Looking forward to an exciting week!

Posted by Gerald at 3/12/2005 12:39:00 AM

Friday, March 04, 2005

It's been way too long since my last post. Everythings is pretty fine, except that I've been really busy since since CNY. So many things happened since then. Had a rushed trip back which was mid-way through RHAZZ preperation. (RHAZZ is short for Rhazzmatazz... another hall production but this time for cultural groups). Band did pretty well... just that I personally didn't do ALL THAT much...

So, RHAZZ is over, tests are coming in. Had one last Saturday which was OK I guess. The next one would be tomorrow... I have 2 actually... so I'm studying for it now. However, I ALSO have cell tonight... and I'm playing the guitar so I have to be there early... God I trust you to pull me through!

Band Jam is also coming up soon... I'm really going to have work hard after tomorrow... I really thank God for the strength to keep on keeping on. I think I would've given up a lot earlier if it wasn't for Him.

I've completed almost all my hall activities. Band Jam will be the last. I've made a resolution not to be too involved in hall next year... I can spend more time doing what's more important... God's work!

I miss my family although we had a great time during CNY. Sis' working hard and so is dad. Mum is probably at home, so this is for you. ^_^ Hope you read it soon. Do take care and eat properly... ^_^

I'm not going to do anything during the holidays (for hall that is)... mainly because I'm not free the last month (July). Looking forward to a good rest.

That's all I can write for now... back to studying I guess. ^_^

Posted by Gerald at 3/04/2005 02:55:00 PM

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Another lapse in blogging. I'm more or less preparing to reformat my comp tomorrow, so I'm limiting my computer usage lest I accidentally delete something I shouldn't. I'm trying a clean install, so I hope it's ok. In any case, I'll be getting XP Pro for free from the uni tomorrow.

Latest news! My 3 day timetable has been dashed! I initially had only 3 days of lessons, but due to my heavy lab requirements (all of which are on Monday) I have to take a 4 day week. Well, on the bright side, at least I have a day off. The schedule's still pretty packed cos I freed up Tuesday. More sleeping time then!

Rhazz is coming up. The event's gonna be in UCC with performances by the cultural groups in hall, so I hope everything turns out ok. Practice has NOT started which is a worry since it's on the 22nd February at 7.30 in UCC. The band room is still used for JamX.

Speaking of JamX, it was pretty good. The junior band had some very inexperienced people. Some started off the year not being able to even hold the instrument. Out of sheer hard work they managed to pull off a decent performance of which I'm very proud of them considering the circumstances. In fact, I think that the progress has been quite excellent. The senior band however got into the finals as expected. They will be performing in Takashimaya Square on the 29th of Jan, which is why they need the band room. >.<

Also, I had the opportunity to attend King Edward VII's hall production. It was entitled Romeo Loves Juliet, a contemporary adaptation of the famous play by Shakespeare. The cast was bigger than ours and had many outstanding actors. I must say that their singing was definitely better than ours. I guess that was to be expected considering their cast was comprised of choir members. However, there wasn't much in terms of dance and tech had some MAJOR problems. All that aside, it was a pretty good show. I personally enjoyed it. Jiaen was involved in it as well (Low Jiaen that is....) My conclusion? It was good. Ours however, was better. ^_^

Totally into a new game... R.O.S.E. Online IT features some of the coolest graphics for an MMORPG today. Can't quite play it on my comp though, and I guess that could be a blessing... Addiction can be bad... ^_^ It's enjoyable even though I don't play all that much. At least you don't have to wait for at least 5 other people before starting the game like some other games I know... <_< I tried getting a good book too, but so far I haven't got the one I wanted yet. Hopefully it'll come in a day or two.

Ok, I've written a lot. Classes start at 8 tomorrow... which means an early night for me. Cya!

Posted by Gerald at 1/19/2005 01:50:00 AM

Monday, January 03, 2005

It's been a while...

I'm back from my holidays, back from Melbourne, back from Malaysia and now in Singapore waiting for my new term. Last term wasn't so bad... but it wasn't the best either. My CAP was average... which isn't what I expected. I just have to do better this semester.

Sermon today was excellant. Once again it was goal setting... SMARTER! I've yet to fully complete my goal setting card though... I'll pin it up so that I don't forget it once I'm done. I hope to start the year right, so I'm gonna really go for all my goals! A better CAP would be one of them.

I also had a great time of fellowship with Jamie, Elvis and Lilian today. We just sat at lunch and talked and talked... It's probably going to be a regular thing, so that's more time I have to set aside. But it was good. PTL!

The match between Myanmar and Singapore which I just came back from watching was very dramatic to say the least. Singapore had a goal lead due to their previous match, but Myanmar came blasting in the first half to score the first goal. In the beginning of the second half, Myanmar scored again to put them in the lead. However, one of the Myanmar players were sent off due to severe tackling and they were down to ten men. Singapore took the advantage and scored once. Nearing the final whistle, Singapore was awarded a Penalty due to another severe tackling. The Myanmar team had a 'debate' with the referee which resulted in 2 more Myanmarese being sent off leaving them with only eight men. However, Singapore failed to capitalise on the Penalty and squandered it off the post. The game then went to extra time and Singapore pulled of 3 more goals to make it 4-2.

There was a lot of outbursts from the Myanmar side after the Penalty was awarded. The team lost it's cool and were clearly unhappy about the game. In fact, one of the benchers (dunno whether it was the coach/manager/sub player) threw a water bottle at one of the Singaporean players. The spectators weren't taking it quietly either. There were a few outbursts which resulted in police intervention. For a second I almost expected a riot to errupt. Thank goodness it didn't.

The experience was definitely eye opening. How's that for a first football match?

On another note, the tragedy which hit Asia recently was a big shock to me. I was in the air when it happened. I landed and arrived in Singapore and then Jamie PMed me about it complaining that he never reads the news. I didn't really understood what he meant, until I talked to some other people in hall. I had to find out for myself since even Penang was hit, so I checked The Star Online... I guess it was worse than I thought. The people who are affected by this horrible tragedy have my condolences and utmost sympathy. God please help the victims that they may live through this tragedy and praise you for coming out of it alive...

This is me, signing off!

Posted by Gerald at 1/03/2005 01:40:00 AM