What strength is

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

I always thought strength was being able to face challenges. Strength is the capability to overcome where others could not. Is that all it is?

Apparently not. True strength is the ability to pick yourself up over and over again. What this means is that despite your apparent tendency to fail, you still pick yourself up and try again and again regardless of how hopeless it seems. Sometimes, we only agree to 'play' when we can 'win'. We already give up when we think we can't win. The bible tells us to do everything we possibly can, and when we have done just that, to STAND. I'm guessing that God won't always 100% give you success even if you follow every single one of His principles. The fact that there is a 'chance' it might not go the way we want it to, or the way we THINK it should go, is the reason we need FAITH.

In any case, this was the sermon last Sunday. I picked up quite a lot from it, and I truly believe it applies to every area in life: Studies, work, ministry, and yes, even relationship. Go check it out at the CHC website and you'll know what I mean.

On another note, congratulations MOKS for successfully graduating from SOT and winning the award for "Best Minister". I'm not surprised you won and you probably deserve it. God bless you!

Posted by Gerald at 12/19/2006 06:14:00 PM

Purveyor of ponderings

Sunday, December 03, 2006

So what do you do when you have a few days of nothing to do? I personally don't know. As usual, you always seem to have a lot of things to do before your exams end, but once they do, you find that nothing interests you enough to inspire you to do them. Perhaps it's because we're so tired that we can't seem to find the strength to do it, but honestly, it's probably just a natural thing that happens. I learned fairly early that one ought to list down everything that needs to be done BEFORE the end of the exams, all the things you want to do, the movies you want to catch, the errands you've been putting off, the hobby you decided to stop pursuing... Alas my list is short and I still haven't started on it...

A celebration (post exams in this case) would only truly be a celebration if it was not alone. Let's face it, even though my exams are over, if there's noone to share in my joy, then there's basically no difference is there? It's times like this that you wished you had someone standing by you... alas, I don't seem to have that privilege. Lamentations as usual... but of course, that does not mean I am desperate for one...

Recently, Pastor Phil Pringle's sermon really hit the mark. It seems a lot of us (well, I'll speak for at LEAST myself), have deviated from focusing on Jesus, and not on anything else. It's so easy to say "I'm doing this for You, Lord" or "Lord, I pray for A, B, C, D, E and F. Thanks, Lord. Bye." I was convicted because although I didn't just pray for blessings in my life, I didn't really try to seek Him. I was being selfish in that sense. Sure, I could justify and say I was praying for someone else, for my family, for world peace even, but really, isn't God what it's all about? The one phrase that comes back into my mind at this point:

How very apt indeed. Again we are reminded of Mary and Martha. Noone is saying that serving is bad, or that doing things for God is wrong, but what is the attitude in which we do them? Is it birthed from our worship, or is it birthed from our desire to prove something? Perhaps it might even be to gain acceptence? Pride? God wants us to put our relationship with Him first and foremost, and I think very often we are guilty of failing in this area.

So I repent. I don't wish to continue sidelining Him. I want to put Him FIRST, and have only Him on the throne of my heart. I want to seek Him above all, to spend time with Him, to get closer to Him... It's not easy I know, and wouldn't be surprised if a little down the road, I realise AGAIN that I've maligned Him... BUT, at least for now, I'm going to try to make this right.

Matt 6:33 tells us that if we seek Him first and His righteousness (which means to also constantly want to be more like Him) then everything else will work out. The revelation I got from this verse is simply this: Seeking Him comes first, but seek not just a relationship with Him alone, but also to pursue Christlikeness... to be more and more like Him each day. This is an important criteria if we want to be blessed. Most of the time, we get the first part intuitively, and it has also been drilled into us. Sure, we have to seek Him first, to worship Him, to honour Him, but we must also not forget the second part, which is to also seek after His righteousness. I am grateful for this revelation, because I believe sometimes I focus too much on this area; trying always to be more like Jesus, but not necessarily trying to be close TO Him. They ought to go hand in hand.

Alas, it is late, and I have to wake up early tomorrow. Undoubtedly my tiredness has not gone away since I didn't exactly sleep all that much after my exams. I pray for strength tomorrow to run with more vigour. Signing off...

Posted by Gerald at 12/03/2006 02:35:00 AM

Exam routine again

Saturday, November 25, 2006

It's been a long while since I've written. Rest assured it's not that I gave up on blogging, but my exams are here and life is now just a mundane routine of study study eat study study eat study study eat study study sleep rinse and repeat. How's that for an interesting life?

My timetable for those who can help support me:

27/11/06 - 1 PM CS3220 Computer Architecture
30/11/06 - 1 PM CS3230 Design and Analysis of Algorithms
01/12/06 - 230 PM ST2131Probability and Statistics

Now that that's out of the way, let me just say a few things I realised lately. When I do things I don't have the passion for, I lose my vision of it very fast. I shall refrain from going into too much detail.

I shall head back to studying now. Obviously I don't really enjoy it, but thank God He's helping me through. Trying my best...

Posted by Gerald at 11/25/2006 02:33:00 PM

Overdue Post

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

So what's new? Nothing much really. Exams again, same routine again, stress again, project deadlines again... the usual. Can't really complain all that much, but I'm trying my best to do well...

I'll take this opportunity to share a little about the happenings around. It seems this year has been a very eventful year. I don't know whether it's all good, but things have sort of been this way lately. The semester started with a lot of promise, but the surprising thing was that what we predicted would happen didn't. Everything we though couldn't happen did. Talk about irony.

To the lost, I'm talking about attachments, and no i'm not talking about the work kind. It seems my group of friends have a sudden flood of interesting news... Mostly unexpected. One does wonder why it had to take a full year (some two or more) for it to happen. And you would've thought it would be the fresh blood, but NOOO... guess when it comes right down to it, it seems that honest friendship is what makes it work.

Everyone is busy studying now. Not much time for much else. I'm having mixed feelings about it. I have a presentation next week, but that presentation made me have only 3 finals this semester. I'll have to focus on them though, and hopefully I'll do better this semester.

Alright, this is about as long as a post can get. I'll be signing off now...

Posted by Gerald at 11/14/2006 04:29:00 PM

Birthday Post

Monday, November 06, 2006

My birthday was yesterday, and it wasn't exactly the most eventful one. As usual, having my birthday at this time of year means everyone is having exams soon and don't have time to really celebrate. I'm not a person very big on ceremonies and presents, so I think it's fine. Undoubtedly, last year was a little more eventful, but I'm not complaining... not really...

To summarise my birthday, it was wake up attend church, go for lunch, back for handball, dinner in hall, CCC meeting, short celebration, resume CCC meeting and sleep. I got a lot of greetings throughout and that's good enough for me. To the few who went the extra mile, thank you. Especially to my cell group members who went through a lot of trouble to make a nice card and get me some shirts. I appreciate it a lot.

I don't really see birthdays as a very huge occasion. Essentially, it's just like any other day. To some, it might be an excuse to think it's particularly special, and I guess that's inevitable, since we all seem to think we are special in our own ways. That's no reason to go out of your way to celebrate, particularly if most people don't have the time. I think the best thing anyone can give me for my birthday is to spend time with me (to those who don't know my love language). I guess that's quite impractical though. ^^;

Oh, here's a nice little post you might want to check out. CLICK

Well, short post really. Concert is over but work isn't. Gotta get back to it!

Posted by Gerald at 11/06/2006 11:42:00 PM

Post Concert Post

Sunday, October 29, 2006

You'd think that after yesterday I'd be free to do some of the things I've been putting off for the past few weeks. It's not exactly wrong, except I have so much backlogged work that I have no choice but to do them now... which leaves little time to do many OTHER things that I'd have liked to.

SWINGERS! was absolutely AMAZING! That's the only way to describe it. I could go on about the sets and how big and impressive they were, or how dazzling the costumes were, or how well the cast performed, but then everyone would think I was biased. However, it is not hipocrisy to say that this year's concert is, to me, one of the best if not THE BEST concert! We stretched ourselves and did a third show, and although there were some doubts initially, it turned out to be the correct thing to do. From the opening night show we were all "bowled over" by the performance and everyone was suitably impressed. The matinee came out great and we finished it in time for our finale. It was truly spectacular, and already I'm beginning to miss concert.

Personally, it has been an amazing experience and I've growned a lot through this journey. I've learned much more than I could ever imagine and I think this is something that I will carry with me always. I'm really blessed to be able to work with such a great team, and I feel really privileged to be given the opportunity to lead them. You guys are truly amazing and my heartfelt gratitude goes out to you. You guys made this possible!

My thanks also goes out to my sister and my parents especially for making the trip down to Singapore just to support me, Pin Tsin and my cell members, Patrick, Sue Ann, Yewei, Paulus, Jamie, Lishi, Yang Qian, Alex, Zhen Ni, Jeffri and Edwin (I hope I didn't miss out anyone). I certainly hope you enjoyed the show.

Lastly, I'd like to thank God for His grace and provision. Thank You for seeing me through this period, for giving me the opportunity and ability to achieve this, and for making this concert one of the most amazing experiences in my life. I could never have done it without You, Lord!

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Posted by Gerald at 10/29/2006 05:53:00 PM

Short concert post

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

If you've never wondered what I've been so busy about lately, it's concert. The time of year where everyone gets excited about our hall production is here, and I'm at the middle of it. I've got work to do of course, and this year around, I'm not in cast. I DO miss those days and I sorely want to get them back. My time is over though, so too bad for me.

This year, we're quite ambitious. We'll be having three shows instead of the usual two and we're selling our tickets out fast. One show has already literally sold out. The entire team has put in a lot of effort and I'm really looking forward to a good show. I have high expectations of everyone, not that I want to pressure them, but I really believe they can do it.

So as not to spoil it for others, I'm leaving things at that. Any further information divulged may serve to spoil it for others, so I shall refrain from doing so. Things are picking up for me, I think...

Posted by Gerald at 10/18/2006 04:09:00 AM

Where did my break go?

Thursday, September 28, 2006

A simple post really. I've been preoccupied with so many things I just can't seem to find the time for much else. Meetings almost daily with a lot of deadlines this coming week is not something that can be taken lightly. I wished I could take a break without having anything hanging over my head and without having SOMETHING to do... Guess it may come only in December. *sigh*

In any case, 4 days into me 'break' and I'm still worked like crazy. I truthfully don't quite get why it's called a 'break'. They should just be honest and call it 'An excuse to give all students a ton of assignments for the fun of it'. I don't particularly mind assignments, but when EVERY lecturer thinks that the 'break' is when NOONE does any studying, and piles us with tons of work, it's not exactly something to look forward to. I could just cry.

Yes, this blog hasn't been getting it's due attention lately, not because I don't want to, but seriously, there's only so much time in a day. If only I could stop time...

On another note, I seem to be having a lot of interest in Linux lately. Don't ask me why, but the concept of not having to work with a Windows machine seems appealing, although I'd say I can't live without the games. The best option then, would be a dual-boot I guess. If you're wondering why I'm considering switching over to Linux, it's largly because I'm seeing a lot of potential and interest in handling a Linux machine, particularly since most servers (I think I'm going to focus on webservers and web-programming) run it. It's also a good thing for future job prospects, at least more than saying "Oh, I only know Windows..." That's like shooting myself in the foot.

Enough! I don't have a lot of time, but suffice to say, I hope to finish this assignment tonight and be free enough to complete the others over the weekend. God help me...

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Posted by Gerald at 9/28/2006 04:12:00 PM

Of sports, balls and health

Monday, September 18, 2006

I admit it, for the past few years, my interest in sports has not exactly been very high. During JC, the occasional basketball was pretty good for me. Add the fact that PE was no playing matter, I guess things weren't all that bad. I went from a fail to silver for my NAPFA and had a record of 10:40 for the 2.4 km run.

That was almost four years ago. Since I stepped into university however, I've never really been very involved with sports. Basketball and soccer sounded good, but far too many people were a lot better than I was. My height didn't make up for my lack of skills. Badminton had a pretty high standard and I was never really into it. Add the fact that in year one, I was quite literally 'banned' from sports activities, I never really blended well with most sports-people.

This year, I somehow got the urge to take a shot at Handball. The training are straineous (based on past experience) and it's a relatively new sport (to most people). The people involved are mostly familiar and I feel comfortable there. So far, I've attended some of their trainings and I think it's beginning to rub on. It's a really physical game, but really fun. It's fast paced and very tiring. I definitely need to work on my stamina.

If you ask me why the sudden interest in handball, I'd credit it to the fact that most of the team are my batchmates (minus some final years). I'm attending training as a year one (fresh after all) and I'm not particularly fit. (Actually, I think my fitness level is really below expectations) I'm a little hesitant as to whether or not to really take up the sport as a hall activity since I'm quite likely to be unable to commit entirely. I will try my best though, so I'm praying for wisdom, strength and the annointing to do it. Also, this sport is one of the 'highlights' with our hall bagging the gold last year. I might not be able to play in the first team this year, but even if I'm put on for a little while, I think it would be something to look forward to. In addition, this sport seems to come 'naturally' to me. I wouldn't know exactly how to describe it, and there are still a lot of things to learn, but I feel that the learning curve is less steep than if I took up say, hockey.

It's sad that this sport isn't receiving as much attention internationally as it should. It's really fun and we all enjoy it. I'm really looking forward to the trainings and the game.

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Posted by Gerald at 9/18/2006 04:21:00 PM

Cool Video

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Just had to share this little clip I saw.


It's simply awesome. It's amazing the kind of websites you get with StumbleUpon. Works great with Firefox.

Anyway, in the middle of bazaar and I'm not feeling too well. Caught the flu but recovering so don't worry. Hope everyone else is doing ok too.

Posted by Gerald at 9/13/2006 02:41:00 AM

Short Update

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Now I have a little time to burn. Concert launch is over and we're in the midst of conducting interviews. So far, things have been fairly good, with most things on schedule and running smoothly. Talent this year is pretty outstanding too, so I'm quite happy about that. This coming week will be hectic though, so I'm praying for positive outcomes.

So far, I've been able to pretty much catch up with my work, so it's not as worrying. I really ened to keep things like that so that I can find time to complete other things. Staying ahead is my motto this semester. I'm really hoping things go well this semester. God willing it will.

I've got bible study in a bit, and I'm looking forward to it. This weekend too is going to be busy, but at least I still have the time to settle a lot of things. This update is thus short and is a summary of what I've experienced so far... Here's to preseverence!

Posted by Gerald at 8/26/2006 03:05:00 PM

New Semester, New Classes

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Classes have started and I'm starting to get worried. There's a heavy project module this semester and I'm going to have to work extra hard on a statistics module. I'd have hoped I'd be able to go through this semester pretty ok, but it seems now I need God more than ever. Lord, help me!

Since orientation is over, it's time for concert to go full swing. So far, things have been pretty fine, but there are some things I worry about. Still, it's not as if things are dire, so I wouldn't complain too much. Concert Launch is next week, and we're planning full swing for it. I'm still cracking my head for a good way to film the producers to introduce us. It should be ok by tonight.

I'm going to the bank in a while to get some things done. I'm going to firstly convert my thumbprint based system into a signature system. It saves a lot of trouble. I will also be applying for a debit card; It's free and I'd like to be able to use it online in Singapore Dollars instead of converting Malaysian Ringgit if I use my credit card. I'm also going to settle my iBanking stuff, so I can start using it online. That too should simplify my life.

Inter-Block Games (IBG) have started and it has been quite interesting. Some of the matches have brought out talents which would be good for hall. We have our fair share of injury however, and I hope these people recover fast enough for concert/IHG training. Block 4 has been doing well, winning the finals for soccer (M) and getting into the finals for soccer (F). But don't worry, we're still the greatest!

Things have settled into a kind of slowly getting busy stage. I'm trying to keep ahead as much as possible. Things will go well I think, and I pray God help me do my best this semester.

Posted by Gerald at 8/16/2006 12:24:00 PM

Post Orientation

Sunday, August 13, 2006

I've neglected posting since orientation began. It ended just yesterday, so now it's time for me to give a good update.

IMHO, the freshmen this year was a lot better than last year. Just like last year, the freshmen were allocated according to nationality, meaning there was an overwhelming number of Singaporeans and PRCs as compared to other years. The quota for Singaporeans were raised too, probably because they found out that a lot of people staying in halls end up getting attached. It's just SDU at work. A lot of people have yet to move into hall, so there are quite a couple of empty rooms around. Still, freshmen turnout for orientation was much much better. It was shortened too, starting only in the afternoon. The freshmen were less exhausted, so I guess it's a good thing.

The initial part of orientation was standard, with games and other funny events that simply got freshmen to laugh, play and cry together. Block Orientation was strict albeit toned down. I'm not a very big fan of ragging, but to be perfectly honest, there's something about ragging that makes people end up bonding a lot more. All the previous batches, mine included, endured relatively more 'tortuous' block orientations, and turned out more united, fun loving, 'stronger'. Times have changed I gather, most poignantly in attitudes. Freshmen seem to be 'softer', with lower thresholds for anything. They seem to be more rebellious, demanding that everyone give in to their wants. Surprisingly, this applies not only to girls but a lot of guys as well, even those who went through army training. Shouldn't they know by now that things are done a certain way for a reason? I guess most can't see past the bridge of their nose. =/

No, I won't say all of them are like that. No, it's not a complain or a generalisation. It's merely an observed opinion that I have for the past two years. Talking to a number of freshmen, the common response is "They shouldn't have had to do that, or They nothing better to do is it (They referring to seniors) etc..." but they don't realise we went through much worse and still survived. I believe I got the same response from freshmen last year. To be honest, I think it might even have happened to my batch. The key issue is that, whether we like it or not, university students (myself included I believe) are a lot less matured than our fathers when they were our age. I credit that to the comfortable lifestyle we've all had.

Nevertheless, orientation was fun! It was definitely an improvement from last year, and this year, the activities saw a lot more participation. I helped where I could, like in the games, or in float, or for MOAH... It was quite cool! I won't go too much into details because there's just too much to say, but I enjoyed myself, and I hope the freshmen did too.

Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of time to write much. Suffice to say, it seems to be a good start to a new academic year, but classes start tomorrow. Let's hope things work out for the best!

Posted by Gerald at 8/13/2006 09:32:00 PM

More poetic juices

Friday, July 21, 2006

I'm going to try this poem thing again.

Creative Designs

Atrocious, Cried he, as he looked at his screen,
Never before such rubbish have I seen!
Try harder please, for your work is pathetic!
Don't take it personally, I'm not trying to be cryptic.

Enlarge that image, clean it up please,
Such basic rules, you ought to know these,
I think it can work, though lots must be done,
Good luck and hang in there, it can be quite fun!

Now if you are stuck, don't worry, helps on the way,
For Google™'s your friend, just use it they say,
Online tutorials, there are millions out there,
Ripe with design knowledge, for all those who care.

Never be fearful, of playing around,
Unless it's a person, that will cause a few frowns,
To design is quite fun, it's quite addictive too,
So start up Photoshop™, if you want to be cool!

Posted by Gerald at 7/21/2006 01:09:00 AM

Poems anyone?

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

I got this little idea from my friend. Let's see just how well my poetic juices flow...

The Jester

Lay he in bed, trying hard to think,
Of life and of love, though hopeless him being,
Noone could grasp, what he felt deep inside,
Even though he had many, of his friends close beside.

Liven up the mood, his duty and calling,
In spite of his circumstance, he never stop trying,
Noone is perfect, but worked hard he did,
Even though failures, trailed him instead.

Stood he in public, and wooed hearts a-many,
Spreading much laughter, in a life so contrary,
Performed hard he did, to the best of his ability,
Lucky for him, he earned quite a bit of money.

At the end of the day, he gathered his due,
Going back to his home, again feeling blue,
Unseen by all people, his face so forlorn
Expecting and wishing, for joy in the morn.

Posted by Gerald at 7/19/2006 07:15:00 PM

Doing the 'right' thing

Monday, July 17, 2006

Ever came to a point where you have a decision to make on what to do, or whether or not you should even be doing anything? There are many times when you know that on hindsight, what you did was wrong, or inappropriate, or done with bad taste, or done at the wrong time... How do you tell? We can follow our hearts sure, but very often, we have to follow our heads too. Isn't it true that there are some things that you know if you DID follow your heart, you'd be in big trouble? And I'm not just talking about those morally wrong or criminally wrong things either. If I'd followed my heart, I might end up pissing a lot of people off because doing solely what's in your heart negates using our heads.

I really think decisions should be based on both your heart and your head. For example, when to tell someone off is very important since if you just do it as and when you like, you may just end up losing a friend, making an enemy and possibly generate a lot of other problems along the way. Your head will tell you that although you WANT to do something now, perhaps there's a BETTER way to handle the situation.

However, using both your head and your heart generates one BIG problem, there are now too many variables that sometimes, you don't know which is the decision you should follow. Too many "but what ifs" pop up and you start thinking about all the possible consequences, weighing what you feel against what you think will happen as a result of that. Life would be much easier if we could follow either or, but doing so causes a person to be either totally self centered or extremely unhappy.

I think I'm personally on the "head" side significantly more. True, there are times when I fail to stop and think things through, but even so, when the opportunity arises, I always spend as much time as I can coming up with the 'right' answer. Most of the time, I give up on what my heart wants, and that may be why I may not exactly be the happiest person around, but I do try. I sometimes wish I could just ignore the consequences of whatever it is I do and just go and do what I want. Fulfilling my personal desire may make me a possibly 'happier' person, but I think I might also end up being extremely self centered and ignorant of others. HOw do you balance up the two? Where do you draw the line?

There are times when I look back and a part of me regrets what I did, or what I didn't do. But there are also times when I'm grateful for the same reasons, because they make me who I am today. I learned patience for example, and it is something which I believe makes me a better person. True, I might have had my desire (whatever it was that I was impatient with) fulfilled and could've enjoyed it. After all, it might have been something I've really wanted all along. But by holding back I learned something else; I built my character and gained experience. Isn't that important too?

Sometimes, my heart gets overwhelmed that I just want to go and do something! It's at this time that my head tells me it may not be the right thing. The warring factions cause me to be unsure of what to think or do. Is it definitely flesh vs spirit? If so, how do you tell? The Bible tells us this:

"Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him…" (Psalm 37:5-7a, NIV).

Now, what if that very thing you have to decide upon is actually what HE is giving you to fulfill this scripture? Would you then withold your hand from taking it? If God gives you the desires of your heart, or rather, WHEN He does, how do you know it's definitely from Him? I was taught that a it takes two to tango, both God and you working hand in hand. He does His part, you have to do yours. I did a little search and found this: CLICK I agree with it all, but I raise the question that when God actually gives you that desire, how do you know it's yours for the taking?

I guess the answer lies in your relationship with Him. I try to spend as much time as I can in His presence, and it's great. I also don't think hearing from God comes just like that. We have to keep trying, doing what we hear even if we do not understand and in that process, open our ears even bigger to hear more. Lord, I trust in You.

Posted by Gerald at 7/17/2006 12:36:00 PM


Saturday, July 15, 2006

I realised a big flaw in my posts, they always seem to be a mixture of a lot of thoughts instead of one single focussed one. I guess it's because I try to unload all that's on my mind everytime I post and I don't exactly have only one thought at a time...

I remember talking to some people about personalities, about temperaments and how different people react differently to a given situation. Many would've heard of the DISC personality test as well as the temperaments test. It helps us to understand a little about others, but it can also lead to a negative outcome. Some have ended up categorising others and this isn't healthy since a person's personality can and will change.

The last time I took the test, I was classified as an S... a VERY HIGH S person. An S person is generally steady, taking things as they come, seldom unfazed and values very much the relationship instead of the task at hand. Now I think this is pretty true, although of late, I'm beginning to think that my D side has risen a little. Either that, or I seem to be forcing myself to be D to the point it's become instinctive, but inside I'm really very S. D and S are polar opposites. A high D person is demanding, task oriented, dominating and basically wants things done his/her way. These are the people who make good leaders because they are very focussed on the task and has a very high drive to succeed. I believe that perhaps although I was originally extremely high S with almost non-existant D, being pushed into positions where responsibility counts for a lot has made my D side rise significantly.

Of course, there are other personalities too, like I and C. I people are influential, charismatic, talk a lot, funny etc. C people are generally quiet but meticulous people who are sticklers for details. I guess if you look at it from a different perspective, a successful team is one where all four personalities are fully maximised, and each person plays their roles well. We need leaders who are demanding, supportive people who keep the team together, highly talkative and charismatic people to portray results and to motivate others, as well as people to work out all the little details that others miss.

I think personalities apply to relationships too, but I guess it can always be worked out anyway. Perhaps it does not come as a surprise since your personality would affect what you're looking for in another person... although I'm not too sure it's the most important thing...

So let this S sign off by saying that in everything you do, do spare a thought for the people involved... you may not like it, but sometimes the decision that hurts u most can be the right decision.

Posted by Gerald at 7/15/2006 01:00:00 PM

World Cup #2

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

So it's finally over. World Cup 2006 ended with France getting ousted by Italy at the penalty shootouts. It was a very exciting match I must say, and there was enough action to keep you stuck on the edge of your seat throughout. France converted an early penalty to a goal with Zidane putting the ball just under the crossbar, causing the ball to go into the goal and then bouncing out. It was still a goal though, and the referee called it. Italy equalised in the same half, but the rest of the match was goalless. It wasn't without any tries and spectacular saves though.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't really think both teams deserved to be in the finals. Still, luck does play a huge part in football, and it seemed to be on France's side, with a goodly number of close calls where Italy nearly found the back of France's net. In the end however, they proved tenacious enough to hold on through to the end, and finally winning the cup. I never held Italy in very high regard, not because they didn't play good football. They certainly have great talent and I am still amazed by Canavaro's performance. The problem is that they don't actually seem to play all that fair. I mean, if they were as good as they are, why did they have to resort to play acting, diving and in other words, cheating? It's not like they didn't have the capabilities to win. Their performance when they faced Australia really caused me to lose a great amount of respect for such an otherwise fine team. The fact that the Italian Serie A is being plagued by scandals at this moment don't help either. That's not to say I supported France in the finals though. I guess if I did, it was simply because I didn't really want Italy to win.

Anyway, against my deepest resentments, Italy won. The World Cup was hoisted by Canavaro and it's finally at the end. About time too, I think it's time EVERYONE caught up on sleep.

I'm finally back in hall. Nothing much happening just yet, except I'm tired and I think I need sleep. I think I ought to turn in early tonight... Till next time I have a gripe...

Posted by Gerald at 7/11/2006 12:02:00 AM

Compelled to Oblige

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Yes, I haven't been updating as regularly. I do have some updates though, so this should explain a little about what's been happening.

Firstly, I FINALLY settled my bash. It's on the 31st of August at ButterFactory, Clarke Quay. To all Raffles Hall residents, I kindly ask for your support for this event. I know it's on a Thursday and it might be a little difficult for some of you to come, but I can't help it if clubs find it hard to give us a place on Friday/Saturday. To all my friends reading this, I'm booking you early so you BETTER come.

I went to recce the various clubs a few days ago. It wasn't an all out, 'visit as many clubs as possible' session, but we did have quite a few in mind. We headed for those only and found out that some of them were pretty nice, while others were downright unusable. I must admit, I really wanted a weekend for the bash, but the cheapest any decent club offered was $10 per head, which is a real rip off. Being a relative freshie to the clubbing scene, I'm grateful to have some help from others regarding this matter. I think my team did quite well considering none of us were really much of the clubbing type. I think the recce outing was quite fun! We had Hainanese Chicken Rice at Chinatown which turned out to be really good and cheap. I want to go again sometime...

Cell was great too. We'll be having our barbecue tomorrow, so I hope to enjoy myself. We will be having prawns too, which reminds me of my council chalet. *Reminisces*

Further good news would be that I finally start my 'work' in July. Hopefully I manage to learn something in the process too. I'll also be going back to KL for about a week next Tuesday. Make your calenders free for me thank you.

I've been checking out PHP again, and although it can be a headache, I'm just glad there's enough open source software out there that I can simply use. I really need to sit down and actually read things up without getting too discracted with other things.

I think things will turn interesting the coming weeks. Thank goodness He's been around to help me out so much. I'm really thankful and grateful to Him...

On a side note, Germany won Argentina, and I was right: They DID go to penalties...

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Posted by Gerald at 7/01/2006 03:43:00 AM

Stop idling, start walling

Saturday, June 24, 2006

So to fill up some of the free time I have, I decided to polish up a bit of my photoshop skills. After playing around quite a bit, this is a little something I came up with.


Things haven't been all that exciting lately. Life has just kind of been plodding along, taking it slowly one step at a time. It's at a pretty leisurely pace, and I'm very comfortable with that. Chasing one thing after another gets really tiring, if you get what I mean.

Ever woke up remembering very vividly the dream you had while you were asleep? It wasn't just any dream, you could even recall the incidents leading up to that point in the dream. Sometimes, people whom you hardly come in contact with turn up in your dream. I remember sister Angie telling me she had a dream about me once. We weren't all that close, but the fact that I popped up out of nowhere in her dream made her sit up and take notice. She told me of course, and I don't know for sure what to make of it. I THINK it was also meant for her, but what if it was also for me? I don't know, and I guess it shouldn't matter because I'm not going to think too much into it. I entrust everything to Him, so why worry?

I've been hoping to see some fruits in my ministry. Unfortunately, so far, things aren't quite going the way I want it to. I won't be satisfied until I see some. I'm really praying for it, so I hope God's hand be with me and annoint me to be able to do His will.

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Posted by Gerald at 6/24/2006 09:42:00 PM


Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I've been contemplating this for quite some time and I think I've finally decided that I WILL make a change. The only issue is, WHEN do I do it?

At this point I don't feel it's quite right to spend that kind of money, but it isn't really all that much if you think about it. It's roughly equivalent to a couple of good meals which I can forego for a few days. However, I feel really guilty because it's not my own money. I'll just wait a while and do all the necessary preparation so that the transition will be as smooth when the time eventually comes.

I'm thinking of names, and so far I came up with one really cool one which I will not reveal just yet. I've checked and it's available, so that's what I'll call it. It will contain far more than what I have now, but how much more really depends. I don't want to end up expanding in breadth but failing in depth, so expect a small expansion for a start.

Concert is still progressing well. Having my next meeting on Sunday and hopefully most people will be back. There are some things we need to work out so it's good that everyone is back to help out. Hopefully we can all work together and have fun doing it!

Parents will be off on a 2 week cruise and I'm planning to head back to KL for a couple of days (to take care of the place and the car etc). Going on a cruise is really fun, if you go with the right people. I'm hoping to make a cruise with friends instead of just family members this time. Planning for a cruise on my own with my cell and if it falls through, I'll be taking a few days off mid-July. Will most probably be heading to Phuket and Langkawi where there are lots of beaches. Look forward to more updates then!

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Posted by Gerald at 6/21/2006 12:16:00 AM

Concert and Cars

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Concert work has been progressing, and I'm pretty happy the way things are going. We could probably do a lot more, but I shouldn't ask too much from my members. They're doing a great job as it is and I'm quite impressed by what's been done so far. Really makes things easy for me.

Bash might be a headache. As of now, we are unsure as to what or how we want to proceed. We can choose to expand, or fall on our backup plan. In any case, things should finalise by the end of next week, and then we can start working on the concrete plans so that we can make it a great, enjoyable bash.


Went to town to catch Cars today. It wasn't that bad a show IMHO, but I guess some people may find it thoroughly predictable and not quite worth the watch. I wouldn't disagree considering it IS a children's (read DISNEY) animation, so it was kind of expected. It had the usual "lesson learned at the end of the day". Since I'm 21 and not 12, I definitely prefer Shrek, but children might find Cars a good watch. The comedy value was pretty OK, but the show had to have a lot of "serious" scenes, cutting it by quite a bit. I very much preferred the short introduction video Pixar seems very famous for at the beginning of the show. The One Man Band had the comedy value but was still pretty predictable.

I have yet to watch any of the other animations currently (like Over the Hedge and Garfield 2) so I can't make a comparison. If I go by hearsay, catch Over the Hedge as it will probably be a more worthwhile watch.

So there you have it. A little bit about concert and Cars. Let's hope there'll be more on concert next time.

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Posted by Gerald at 6/17/2006 01:57:00 AM

My new handset

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


A beauty ain't she? She certainly packs great features, with a 2.0 megapixel camera, 3G capabilities, bluetooth, quadband, MP3 player and superb TFT display. I didn't really think about picking her at first, but the fact that all these features came at a more affordable (read cheaper) price than the one I originally wanted, there was no reason for me not to take it!

It synchronises well with my PC, being able to communicate with Outlook and iTunes. I can transfer data to it too with a 512 MB card extra. The amazing thing is that it charges from a USB port, implying that I can use my PC to do the job saving a socket for other uses.

My trusty 8310 was a pretty good phone. I still like it but it was giving me problems... it was also a pretty good time to get a new plan since the student plan gave an extra 500 SMS a month and I get to call 3 numbers for free, all at HALF of what I've been paying. That's a good deal to me.

I've been playing around with my trusty V3x and although it may not be perfect, it still is a good phone. I need a little adjusting to the interface though, since I'm so accustomed to my old one. I managed to send a couple of wrong SMSes too while figuring how to do it right. I hope to get it down pat soon so I can start replying SMSes at my usual speed again.

Apart from that, it's something I'm truly happy about. Now I need to get protection for it because I don't think I'd like to see ANY scars on her body.

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Posted by Gerald at 6/14/2006 12:20:00 AM

World Cup 2006 #1

Monday, June 12, 2006

How can I not write anything about this season? I'm not bonkers over it, but it sure is nice to go hangout with people and watch as the game unfolds. It also makes for good conversational material.

Opening match with Germany and Costa Rica was most certainly one of the interesting matches to watch. Germany won with a score of 4-2, with the first three goals of the six scored six minutes apart from the starting whistle. The new FIFA ball is obviously a whole lot lighter, because Germany was taking pot shots at the Costa Rica goal from outside the penalty area, resulting in one goal in the second half that was really amazing. It's probably not the first time this has been done, but the sheer number of attempts indicate that it's either a lot easier to do it now, or they simply took for granted that the Costa Rican defence was poor.

Unfortunately, I didn't catch England's game, which from what I hear wasn't a big loss anyway. They won 1-0, but it was an own goal, so in essence none of England's strikers have any goal to their credit yet. Perhaps they need to buck up a little.

The next match I watched was Netherlands vs Serbia and Montenegro. Exciting match really, with a lot of good plays, but I think it would've been nicer if we were rewarded with more goals. Still, I guess Holland deserved the win.

I just missed the match between Australia and Japan, but the win went to Australia with a score of 3-1. I didn't watch it though, so there's not really much to say.

All the scores aside, here's a little something to share. It's been circulating around, but perhaps not many have seen it. Don't worry, I don't think it really applies to ALL men.

World Cup rules for women

Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in general).

These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in June/July this year...


1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this... why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.


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Posted by Gerald at 6/12/2006 11:25:00 PM

Assorted Updates

Friday, June 09, 2006

In case you've been wondering what I've been up to, here's a little update on what has been happening. Last weekend was really tiring since it was EMERGE 2006 weekend. It was absolutely amazing! The thing I got most out of it was on Friday night when Pastor Kong talked about spiritual hunger, and I caught that, even though it was not the first time I heard about it. I decided enough is enough and drew the line, making myself DECIDE to be more fervent for Him. My prayer life and quiet time has never been better. I've been spending so much time with Him I can feel Him with me throughout the whole week, and I just love it!

I really believe I caught something during the conference. It was, to me, a life changing experience. The events were great, the sermon was powerful, but ultimately, it was the presence that made all the difference. I can't wait for cell later.

Since I came back from the conference, I've been concentrating on the things I need to do, to continue to excel in the place that I'm placed in and to do well for Him. I've been working on my hall production and it is coming along great. I pray that as I gear up and put in my best, and commit the entire event to Him, I ask that His hand will be with me. I'm trusting Him for it, and I believe that He will deliver. I know He has even greater plans, for "eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man, the things which God has prepared for those who love Him."

I've made resolutions to achieve even greater excellence. I've learned that although inner beauty is important, it doesn't mean we neglect totally outer beauty. It has to be balanced, and come hand in hand. So I'm going to try my utmost best to dress better, present myself better, and mum and dad may not be too happy, but I'll probably start shopping a fair bit too. I won't change overnight, but step by step, I intend not to be a sloppy person when it comes to dressing anymore.

I went down to expo to help with shifting on Tuesday because the hall needed to be relocated for service. It was quite educational to help out the sound and tech crew as they play with a lot of cool stuff. I learned about the LED board, about power sockets and portable generators for huge halls like in expo. I met some new people and it was tiring yet enjoyable. I was glad to be given the privilege to serve in that area. Everyone is so dedicated that I feel a little ashamed I'm not giving that much.

My phone died a couple of times these few days, which sort of indicate to me that a change is in order. The good news is, my contract can be renewed and there's a new plan that costs about HALF of what I pay now with BETTER perks. I'm going to change my phone, I just need to find the time to go and do it! Thank you God for blessing me so much!

I'm back on my feet. I'm feeling great about life. Mum had her birthday yesterday, and although I wasn't there to celebrate with her, I know she had a great time. Dad bought her flowers... something she says is one of the happiest things that happened to her. I love them both!

Well, planning for concert means a lot of things to do. I unfortunately don't have a job yet as the honours year student I'm supposed to work with isn't back in Singapore yet. I'm thinking of finding another job, but it can't be long term either. Guess I'll just have to pray for wisdom on what to do.

See? There are so many things happening. I'm meeting some people from a startup company on Wednesday to discuss some bash plans. It may help us generate more income, but that'll have to be negotiated. Things are progressing, and I'm giving it my all to play my part!

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Posted by Gerald at 6/09/2006 03:01:00 PM

Public disorderly behaviour

Thursday, June 01, 2006

I'd always though Malaysia was a free country, even if not at the same level as Western nations. THIS however, made me start thinking it's probably not quite true. Hugging and kissing is now considered "disorderly behaviour" as it is not consistent with "Asian morals". While I could understand if this were so in more conservative places, this took place in Kuala Lumpur, supposedly the most educated and thus liberal of all states in Malaysia.

I personally think it's balderdash. I'm more inclined to believe that they were charged solely because they refused to fill the pockets of enforcement officers with a bribe. It's a first that people get charged and possibly face a RM2000 fine as well as a jail term simply for kissing and hugging in public. It's no wonder every other nation can't help but consider our laws draconian. The chief justice's defence of the mayor's decision was solely a hyberbole of the situation which did not relate to the case at all. His claim is simply that by allowing kissing and hugging in public, we are allowing anarchy. (Quoted from the article, "So, they should be given freedom to live as they like? The constitution allows all citizens to do that (hugging and kissing) even by the roadside, in a public park?") Hello? It's not anarchy to kiss and hug in public. If I went be the same logic, I think it's more logical to charge every single smoker who takes a puff in public. It's a health hazard to every other person, and since when was smoking "consistent with Asian morals"? It would save the government millions of ringgit on health care and anti-smoking campaigns. Did I mention also that just about everything we see on television is "not consistent with Asian morals"? Charge everyone for watching television please...

Who can say just when something is considered "disorderly" and "consistent with Asian values"? Simply put, "disorderly behaviour" can be defined as "anything the mayor deems he/she does not like". I don't like you laughing out loud like that, it's "disorderly behaviour". We as Asians should not laugh at people openly. You're fined RM2000, or you can pay me so I can close an eye. I saw you show the finger. That's "disorderly behaviour". I fine you RM2000. I heard you say the 'f' word. RM2000 fine for disorderly behaviour... pathetic...

I'm just exaggerating, but the fact that such an incident occurs just goes to show that there might be a problem with our justice system. It doesn't take a genius to know that we have taken a step back from progressing towards a mature, considerate and open society.

I fear the day where every single citizen has to have a 2 meter distance between every other person in public. I fear the day where even married couples cannot go out together because anything they might do together constitutes a violation of "Asian morals". Most of all, I fear the day where every member in society doesn't even CARE when things like this happen.

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Posted by Gerald at 6/01/2006 02:16:00 PM

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder

Beauty is a trait that is considered superficial, yet extremely important and sought after. It's something that everyone wants to be, but sometimes can lead to a negative downside. However, I truly believe that beauty, or at least the superficial, 'on the surface' kind, is very much in the eyes of the beholder. To bring this into perspective, allow me to be shallow for this once and talk about what guys look at when they see a girl.

Interestingly, when I asked some of my friends what is the first thing they notice in a girl, based solely on looks, the answer varies from the usual to the extremely weird (at least it's weird to me). For example, one of the things about a girl that a friend notices on first impression, is the legs. To me, that's a little weird. But that may be because to me, the most important physical aspect of a girl is her face. Even so, a girl I think is pretty may not be as pretty to someone else, because I guess all guys have different tastes, even when it's just comparing the face. Some prefer those who look 'cute', with big eyes and rounded features. Others like the sizzling hot ones who have sharp attractive features. Then there're those who look for the um... 'chest magnitude' or the 'rear end'... nothing wrong with that I guess, but... nevermind.

Since I look at the face, I'd like to discuss a little bit more about that part here. I think even if you choose to look at the face, one can have different ideas of 'attractiveness' (or have I mentioned that already?). To be more specific, I think the thing about a girl's face that attracts me the most, are the eyes. Don't ask me why, they just do. I've seen some girls who have really beautiful eyes, and I find them pretty attractive, but have most of my friends feel otherwise. Likewise, I've had experiences where my friends claim just how 'beautiful' this particular girl is, only to find that she's merely 'so-so' to me.

Have you ever heard the phrase that goes "There aren't any ugly girls, only poor or lazy ones."? Perhaps that phrase isn't entirely false. Make up does wonders... and girls won't pass up a chance to look good. There're a few good examples where a girl's before and after photo clearly shows how plastic surgery + make up can turn a truly 'hopeless' case into one worthy of a beauty magazine front cover. So make up can make you look much better. The PROBLEM arises when some people just don't know HOW to put on make up. Most end up putting on too much, resulting in what I dub "ICI", after the infamous ICI paint. They apply so much foundation, or whatever it is they put on their face, that I think they gain a couple of pounds after putting the make up on. I admit that it may not be an easy task, and I am NOT against make up. I just know that make up can make a girl look REALLY good, and it can make a girl look really bad too.

Anyway, before I get beaten up, let me just state that the value of a girl is most definitely NOT solely in her looks. This post merely states an observatory phenomenon which is, granted, superficial. I do not judge a girl solely by her looks, since I understand also that not all pretty girls have good character. Beauty, I believe, creates only the first impression which may or may not trigger an interest to know a girl's character... at least that's what it is to me.

So, to conclude, this little attachment is an example of a girl I might consider really attractive. Not everyone will feel the same way I suppose, but that's just because I have different taste.

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Posted by Gerald at 6/01/2006 01:00:00 AM

Cool Pics

Saturday, May 27, 2006

As promised, here are the pictures so that everyone can enjoy. The first few were taken underwater and are pretty cool. I learned how to open my eyes underwater just for these shots (well, one of them anyway).

 Me getting up close and personal with a sea anemone
 Batman underwater!
 Christmas Trees up close
 Group Photo!

Edit: I couldn't post more because it seems I can upload a maximum of four photos per post... So I guess for now this will be the only four I put up. You don't want to see the rest anyway... at least not any that has me in it... ^_^

Posted by Gerald at 5/27/2006 06:25:00 PM

Of positiveness and the movies

Sometimes, things just seem never to go your way. No sooner have I decided to be positive, I get another slap...

Either God is testing me or I was never meant to get out of my melancholy... and I've decided it's the former. So I'll keep being positive, keep being strong (as much as I can), and keep on keeping on.

Nothing much to post, except I probably start work next week. Nonlinear inversion is really interesting, sometimes something simple can be extremely complex at the same time. Read it up if you want to.

So far, I've caught MI:3, Da Vinci's Code and X-men 3, and I must say that all three aren't what I'd call blockbusters. They were solid enough so that it wasn't a total letdown, but they weren't as great as they were made out to be. I'd think X-men 3 was the best of the lot, giving closure to the trilogy. It somehow didn't seem right to me though, especially when it ended with so many deaths... Da Vinci's Code wasn't that bad, but seriously, go read the book if you want to do something interesting and save the money. I really felt they could've casted someone better other than Tom Hanks to play Robert Langdon, but I guess they could've done worse... MI:3 was somehow bland... don't ask me why, it just was...

Right, that's all I'm going to post now... frequency shouldn't increase probably till term starts...

Posted by Gerald at 5/27/2006 12:19:00 AM

Random musings

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I'm feeling a lot better today. Guess it does help to share sometimes... there's no real need to say a lot... thanks!

I've started to get things back on track. I'm hoping that this can be a productive period for me, and thankfully I've taken steps in that direction already. Concert is progressing quite ok so that's good news. Emerge is coming next week, and I'm really looking forward to it. After the prayer meeting today (talk about training spiritual stamina, i can't believe it was almost 2 hourse of non-stop praying in the spirit) I think my faith just got a whole lot stronger. The call to be prepared for the conference is about getting ourselves in tune with God as we prepare for Him to speak to us.

I'm looking forward to hearing a word from Him specifically for me.

There are surprisingly not that few people around in hall. Can get quite interesting around here...

I was asked if I wanted to go for a cruise... a nice one which lasts 2 weeks going to places I never dreamed of going. The price? RM5000+. That's no small amount, but considering it's a medditerreanian cruise and the price includes the flight to the port of embarkation and back, I think it's quite worth it. The problem is, I don't know if I'm free during that period, and I don't exactly foresee myself hanging out with my aunts and uncles who are going for it. Nothing wrong with them, but I really think that if I want to enjoy two weeks on a holiday like that, I'd prefer company that I can relate better with, and who have similar interests as I do...

I'm still looking for those Redang photos... Seriously need to post them up soon or I'll forget...

Things are certainly looking up.

Posted by Gerald at 5/24/2006 02:44:00 AM

Melancholic Tones

Thursday, May 18, 2006

I realise that I've been quite short tempered lately. I can credit it to the melancholic mood that I'm almost perpetually in now, but that wouldn't be very right. I guess everyone needs to learn more how not to blow their fuse.

No, I don't want to talk about it, or write about it. No, I prefer to leave everything that I put up to stay HERE. No, I rather you didn't ask me about anything regarding anything that I post. Sometimes I just want to unload and forget about it, and questioning me isn't helping.

This has got me utterly disgusted with myself. *slap* Wake up already! Start being more cheerful...

I guess sometimes some things just won't go away; You just pile up more and more things on it till it can't be seen, but it's there. It's always there, and when you push those other things aside it screams right in your face again. Such is life...

So just accept it and grow up!

Posted by Gerald at 5/18/2006 09:06:00 PM

Home is...

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

I've been home for about a week, and as great as 'home' may seem, I still think there's something missing... although I think I've been able to grasp the edges of it lately.

Home is IMHO, the people. You go back to see your parents, friends, family members... and it means next to nothing if you fail to see these people. My own friends seem to have disappeared... or rather, most are not back from overseas yet. That leaves a huge gap between seeing my parents (which I've been spending time with everyday for the past one week) and... sleep. Not that I resent seeing them, but I do so want to see a whole host of other people too.

One other possible reason why things are the way they are is that it's simply not as practical to meet up with people anymore. Having moved to my current place (In KL, about RM2.50 away from Subang) it's quite expensive to travel down to Subang to meet people. That's one reason why I no longer have late night mamaks or games. That plus it takes about half an hour to actually GET to Subang just for a simple drink. (Inclusive of time waiting for the lift) I guess things have changed quite a bit.

The rest of the people studying around here are also having their exams at this point in time. It's not very nice to ask any of them out either. I've been away from church here for so long, most of the people I know are already somewhere else studying or working. I guess there's a huge gap in a lot of places this time around, one in which I don't know if it's possible to bridge.

I think that although I still call this place home, it's highly likely that after so many years away, the things which connect me to this place are getting eroded one by one. I still cherish the friendships and the people, but the place holds little significance anymore. My parents would be an important factor, but everyone else I know here may or may not choose to eventually settle down here, so unless they do, this place is just like any other place, with people I hardly know or connect with.

This is not a license to stay away from KL. I just feel that coming back here holds less and less significance each time simply because the things here have changed so much that it's about as new as every other thing.

Sadly, I'm counting the days until I go back to Singapore. Again, it's not the place that makes the difference, it's the people... and I certainly hope that there'll be people around when I go back.

Posted by Gerald at 5/17/2006 08:23:00 PM


Friday, May 12, 2006

I've been away the past few days and it's been great. My trip to Redang was eventful and very exciting. We were there a total of 3 days, but we only actually enjoyed two full days over there. We spent about one day and a half travelling there. Seems transport to that place would be good only if we fly.

Unfortunately, flight seems to be an option available only to those going to the Berjaya™ resort. We went to the Laguna™ resort instead. It was more a hassle to travel there, but the cool thing is that everything is covered, from the ferry ride, to our food. The food was good too. It was all buffet, three meals a day, and we really ate and ate.

The main attraction of Redang is probably the snorkeling. They had two sessions every day and we went as often as we could. We were of course eager to go see the underwater life up close and personal, and if lucky enough perhaps even see turtles or baby sharks. I wasn't that lucky, but some others were. I gave up on my life jacket and went without for most of the trip. The snorkel took a little getting used to, but it DID help me keep my face in the water longer. Still, I swallowed no small amount of sea water.

The result was that I had a superbly lobsterfied back. I won't complain though, since it was probably my own fault. In any case, for most of the trip, we had really good weather, so I'm thankful. I even remember the dismay some portrayed when it rained during breakfast. I believed it would stop in time, and it did.

We went for two open snorkeling sessions and one at the marine park. The marine park was interesting as it had an incredible amount of fish, which ate out of your hand. I managed to take a couple of photos underwater, and although they aren't perfect, are still worth noting. Unfortunately, I don't have them just yet, so I'll wait till I get my hands on them before I post them up!

The trip has come to an end, and exciting as it was, it's starting to wear thin. I admit I don't exactly have a lot to look forward to, but I haven't been having the best time of my life, although I do try to be positive about everything.

Guess I'll sign off here before this turns into a rant.

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Posted by Gerald at 5/12/2006 10:25:00 AM

Fighting the 'sien' feeling

Friday, May 05, 2006

I'm suffering a post-exam syndrome, where the patient doesn't find much excitement in the day. I know things shouldn't be this way. I guess the exams were really a good thing to focus on and I could forget all other things by just telling myself I should be 'concentrating on studying'. Now that I don't have that anymore, I could tell myself to 'concentrate on concert', but that wouldn't be to wise in the sense that concert shouldn't be the biggest priority, His work is! In any case, I need to find the joy in doing whatever it is I 'want' to do... I think the biggest problem is finding those things that I 'want' to do...

I may not know myself all that well I guess. My interests can be very fickle, one moment passionate about it, another indifferent. To me, they rise and fall like a tide. Sometimes, an old interest becomes interesting again, and sometimes a 'new' one wanes to the point it becomes insignificant. I think that's how a lot of us are. We go with trends, and are easily influenced by our peers. That probably explains why we usually get interested in something together with our friends. Even if we initially find it not as interesting, the fact that we're doing it together adds a lot of interest into the subject. I remember really liking CS a lot, but on hindsight, I think I was really into it once upon a time because of my peers. It was a subject that we could talk about, that we could use to initiate conversations, to discuss and argue about. It was pitting our skills (in which I lacked tremendously) against each other. The 'pleasure' was derived in knowing that we play it together... at least that was how it was for me.

I don't have a particular interest now. True, the occasional DotA game is fine by me, but it's not exactly the thing that I wake up looking forward to. I've come to realise that in the time I now have, all the 'things' that I wanted to do don't seem as important or interesting. There is no 'drive' to go and organise a game, and I find it pointless playing with AI. The thing is, I feel as if I'm drifting along, waiting for something to happen, or looking for something to make happen. Concert can be a good distraction to positively fuel the emotion, so can church. I do still need time off though, so I'll concentrate on enjoying myself in the break a little. In line with this, I CHOOSE to NOT be 'sien'. I will force myself to be positive and as exciting as I can... if not now then at least when we go over to Redang.

What's that? Yes, I'm going to Redang next week. The blog might be a little backdated, but I'm sure you'll survive...

Doing a little packing and helping the others with storage. I'm quite glad I don't have to move, so I'm just going to leave things as they are more or less... More efficient than packing/unpacking.

If you DO have an interesting thing to share, like a game or a book, do drop a comment.

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Posted by Gerald at 5/05/2006 02:53:00 AM

Bliss? What bliss? Freedom? What freedom?

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

You'd have thought after the exams people would be liberated, free, find happiness, be able to derive pleasure from doing what they want to... Aparrently that's not true... At least not to me.

I don't know why but the 'end' of exams this time was simply just another day. I was not especially ecstatic nor was I feeling excited. I'd have thought I would be... but I'm not... I wished I knew why...

Maybe it's just the fact that I've lost a goal to strive for... Perhaps it is the realisation that I did what I could and there's nothing else that can be done anymore. Maybe it's just that I haven't made a thorough plan for how to treat myself... Maybe I just don't know how to...

The fact is, whatever joy (if any at all) that can be derived from circumstances are not true joy... they are dependent more on us than our circumstances I think... I may have finished my exams, but I may not be as happy as someone who still has papers tomorrow. I may a whole three month break to enjoy, but others may be happier working everyday for hours on end. It's our attitude, not the situation that makes us excited and happy.

It beats me why I'm feeling a bit on the low side... Logically I can't think of a single thing that would make me feel this way... unless perhaps... guess we somehow can't forget everything we want to... Nor can we remember the things we really want to...

Lost? So am I... Help me, Lord...

Posted by Gerald at 5/03/2006 03:24:00 AM

Day of Labour

Monday, May 01, 2006

It's labour day... It's a holiday, but I still have to labour for my last paper tomorrow. Granted looking through the past year questions it's tough to study for (How do you study for a paper which asks you to write a letter/proposal based on some guidelines given in a text book and is open book?) but at least I'm going through the book. A lot of it is simply common sense if you ask me. The whole chapter on ICC can be summarised in 2 words: Be diplomatic. The whole User manual writing can also be summed up as: Follow the steps given in the text book. Same goes for the proposal. Ever heard of marketing?

I understand the need for us to be aware that a lot of us make these mistakes, but I think it's rather pointless too because learning about it theoratically and in a classroom/lecture setting isn't going to be taken very seriously by a lot of people. In the end, most will forget the content and really learn only when they've ruffled a few feathers and made a few mistakes. Experience teaches a lot fater than theory.

That aside, it's a public holiday, and people are eager to go and enjoy themselves. It doesn't help that most have papers tomorrow. Mine is at 1 pm, and although I really think I don't have to do much, I'm not taking it for granted. I'm going through the text book (about half way there) to familiarise myself with the chapters and to recall the 'concepts'. It'd be pointless to try to memorise I think. Unfortunately I can only bring the textbook and no other materials with me. I'm free after tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to the trip to Redang. Also looking forward to seeing people in KL... if they're ever around.

Nothing much left to write, got half a text book to cover and lunch a-calling. Hoping to write more after my paper.

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Posted by Gerald at 5/01/2006 11:55:00 AM

Optimistic Breather

Friday, April 28, 2006

I've completed most of the major papers. Surprisingly, I managed to go through this semester's modules pretty ok. Almost all papers I went for has been doable... not perfect, but I at least know I managed to answer all required questions. Whether or not they are 100% correct is another matter. My last paper isn't study intensive and is open book, so I'm pretty fine with it.

So to take a breather, I've called today a no-study day. I have cell later which I'm looking forward to. In the meantime, I've decided to do a few things like update my blog, play a few rounds of CS (which we just recently 'rediscovered'), Gunbound, DotA, even play a little on my own WoW server. I also still have a number of classic games I have yet to complete, like Lucasarts' Day of the Tentacle, Loom and Grim Fandango. I DID finish Syberia, and will probably start on Syberia 2 soon. Things are looking very interesting.

I spoke to my lecturer after my paper yesterday, and I'm quite confirmed on my intern for the coming holidays. It's only a cap of 40 hours, although the amount of time I'd have to spend outside that 40 hours would be quite significant too. The pay will be nice I suppose, but the work won't be easy. Guess it's better than doing nothing.

I think exam periods in university is funny. You get it so often that it becomes a norm... so much so that you lose the 'Oh this is a big exam' feeling... EVERY exam is 'big', which is why I'm a little surprised that some people get very very stressed for certain papers. I really put into practice positive confession this time around, and like I mentioned above, I think I did my papers pretty decently. It's not lying to yourself, it's called being optimistic!

I might have posted about optimism some time back (maybe a year or so) and I know that naturally, I'm quite pessimistic. I admit that I 'chose' to be a pessimist because either things work out great for you, or you get proven right! I know that being disappointed when you're expecting or hoping for something isn't nice... and it can be downright painful if it's something significant. But honestly, it never hurts to think positive. It may seem like you're being humble by putting yourself down and thinking negatively of yourself or what you can achieve, but it's not... You're simply not being truthful to yourself. Being optimistic means hoping for the best, and to keep hoping for the best even when things fail. Strong people are like that.

I won't post too long because I DO have a lot of things I might want to do. I do however know I'd like to be stronger, to be positive when other people are feeling down, to have a different spirit when things get tough. I may not enjoy it, but I can make a difference. I finally understand first hand what I've been hearing from cell a lot about being positive. I think it's not a bad thing.

Perhaps I'll post more on this issue another time. To everyone still having exams (including me), all the best, hope for the best, and do the best you can! I'm just grateful for what He's done so far and I'm still holding on to Him and standing firmly, waiting for Him to deliver... I know He will!

Posted by Gerald at 4/28/2006 01:58:00 PM

Short Update

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Only had one day of papers so far. Three more papers to go of which I am only 'confident' of the last one. The other two needs work, but the problem is I'm not sure how to work it... at least not yet... Redid the tutorials and intending to do past year papers. Both are open book, meaning I really don't know how to study for them... God help me!

Nothing much happening. Studies are currently top priority for most of the people around me. Some are already making plans for after the final paper, but I still haven't... really ought to or I'll end up at the end of the holidays wishing I had done a lot more.

Most of all, thanks to everyone for keeping me in prayers. The papers so far were ok/good, so I really thank God for that. I'm praying for all the people taking exams too, so just do what you can and leave the rest to Him! We'll rest after it's over.

Now, to catch some shut eye. Next paper is in the morning, so my body clock has to be adjusted. I'll update more when I can.

Posted by Gerald at 4/26/2006 02:17:00 AM

Exam Timetable

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Exams start on Monday and I'm trying to do my best for it.

I wanted to see my sister this weekend, but I really think it's not wise to head down to Orchard today. Perhaps tomorrow on my way back from church I'll drop by.


24th Apr, 1 PM: LAC1201 Chinese 1
24th Apr, 5 PM: CS2106 Operating systems (This is a killer)
27th Apr, 9 AM: CS2271 Embedded systems
28th Apr, 9 AM: EE2009 Signals
2nd May, 1 PM: CS2301 Business and Technical communication (Not studying till after everything else, non-technical so less stressful)

So, please remember to stand in the gap for me.

Posted by Gerald at 4/22/2006 04:52:00 PM

Leadership and Politics

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I admire good leadership. It is a key ingredient to a great organisation. It is one of the main things which makes or breaks a group. Unfortunately, it is sorely lacking in a lot of people nowadays. I know there are some people with great leadership skills and capabilities, but it seems to be getting rarer and rarer. A lot of 'leaders' we have now seem to concentrate a lot more on covering their 'asses' (forgive the crude language) instead of making things better for others. It appears that the current climate of society is utterly unsuitable to produce true leadership since it has IMHO, been reduced to a game of politics, which I utterly despise.

Don't get me wrong... I'm not so naive to believe that politics is not part and parcel of leadership. Still, one CAN be ideallistic no? The best kind of leadership is the kind where one puts the interest of the entire group ahead of ones position. Respect comes not from having a lack of faults, but from the fact that one portrays good leadership qualities that make one fit to lead. In a way, society is to blame for expecting only perfect people to be in positions of power. Yes, it is important to have a competent person in charge, but it is even more important that THAT person is working for the good of the people, not just himself. I'm not saying all leaders are in it just to abuse their position, but there appears to be quite a huge number that do. Perhaps this is subjective, but I think it we need more capable, morally upright and virtuous leaders in every field.

Vision is important, and I think this is particularly lacking in young people today. Many don't know where they're heading or what they want to achieve, so they just go through the motions, achieving mediocre results at best. Again, not everyone is like that, but it seems that there are less and less such young people rising up. Without vision the people perish, and to be honest, that is what appears to be happening slowly in many different areas. Leaders should strive to achieve greater good, not merely fulfill obligations.

Politics is the "Intrigue or maneuvering within a political unit or group in order to gain control or power" (Dictionary.com). To quote further from the dictionary, politics is "The often internally conflicting interrelationships among people in a society." This particularly applies to positions where a person is either in public office or is considered 'influential'. I despise politics, simply because it is largely unethical, extremely self-centered, immoral and detrimental to the people in the long run. Some people treat it as a game, but one with dire consequences. The rules of the game are simple: There are no rules as long as you don't get caught. This simple creed has led to a lot of underhanded tactics, unwarranted malice and personal attacks, all of which do nobody any good.

It is simply a fact that leaders of high positions would have to grapple with politics. However, I believe that the leader is the one who sets the rules for him/herself. Again, I may have an euphemistic view, but although people feel it will fail, I do not see why an ethical person with honesty and integrity cannot go far in any political position. True, there's a lot of red tape that can be easily resolved by a 'not-so-ethical' method. Is it wrong and foolish then to choose NOT to do it? Perhaps in the eyes of most people it is, but to me, it is not. It would take a lot of guts and courage to go the more difficult path of choosing the right thing even if it causes a lot of 'unnecessary' difficulties. I doubt many would concur.

This is just my opinion on leadership and politics, so I will not say that whatever written here should be adopted by all. However, after examining the current situation and considering my own disposition, I still strongly believe in this euphemistic view. Leaders should have vision, especially those in political positions. This coupled with the passion to lead, not just with themselves in mind, but the good of the people, is a good recipe for a successful organisation.

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Posted by Gerald at 4/20/2006 02:35:00 AM

Easter 2006

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Easter service today was really awesome! The play was superb... and although it isn't as slow paced as an ordinary drama, it captured a lot of emotions and displayed it beautifully on stage. It was a truly heart-wrenching piece, as once again the story of Jesus was told, focussing this time on two different yet similar characters; Judas and Simon Peter. They both had their flaws, and they both came to a crossroad. One chose the right path, the other chose the wrong one. The main theme of the drama was that it's not what choices you've made that makes you who you are... It's the choices you make TODAY that defines just who you are. That was a very important part of the drama which I am reminded of.

As usual, the events leading up to the crucifixion of Jesus were portrayed in a no nonsense, truthful way... with all the blood, flogging, shouts, emotions, everything. No matter how many times I've seen it, no matter how it seems similar every year, I still break into tears because I'm reminded of just what my saviour went through 2000 years ago... and it was all for... me... No greater love is there than this; that a man lay down his life for another, and He did just that on calvary. He went through the suffering, the humiliation, the pain... and it was one of the most gruesome ways to die.

I am reminded that He is first and foremost, that He is not secondary to anything, that He is what I should focus on. I truly believe that in running for His will, I will be able to become what He made me to be... to achieve things I never imagined, and to go the distance that no ordinary person can without His help. The only sad thing about today, was that noone came with me to experience the same things I experienced... Still, I'm holding on to You, and I thank You for everything in my life, even if it may not look great... I believe they can be through You!

Posted by Gerald at 4/16/2006 07:00:00 PM

Sudden Lamentation

When you realise at last
Without much of a fuss
That you are but a piece of glass
Barely noticed as you walk pass

When you come to know such
That what you thought meant much
Was but dust to be scattered
Or like garbage to be trampled

When it dawns upon you
And you know and you know it's true
That nothing that you say or do
Means anything although you want it to

When you find that you are nobody
Even though you try hard not to be
And struggle with things you can't see
And are reminded that it's vain futility

So realise that you mean nothing
Your existence was merely fleeting
Face it, don't keep denying
It's not easy but just keep trying

Then perhaps you will grow stronger
Though it hurts when you realise it's bitter
To be invisible and be thought of never
Though you remember
And wished you too could just turn your rear
It might take years
But perhaps someday, things will be better

Posted by Gerald at 4/16/2006 01:49:00 AM


Friday, April 14, 2006

I never realised just how insignificant I actually was... or am... Really wished I was a much better person...

My project is progressing, though not as fast as I'd like it to. I realised how crappy I am at true programming... I just can't bring myself to totally immerse myself in coding anymore... I rather just start studying, so I do an alternating between the two. It's amazing that I'm spending most of my time going through materials only for ONE module... this module is interesting, in that it handles a lot of things which I was asking when I first stepped into my first year. However, it has come to a point I seem to do almost nothing else except this module... Quite scary... But God knows I'm doing my best...

Hall just got a little more interesting... President and Vice-President elects are now out, and I can FINALLY progress with my concert. It's cool that I know them and can work with them... and I really do support them 100%. People ask why I didn't run, and my answer is simple: It's not my calling. I do what I believe He wants me to do, not what I want to do. I take on the responsibilities He wants me to take, not just any that come my way. All the best to them!

Yes, this is just a short update on what's been happening. Sometimes I feel really foolish... others I just feel lost. I just know that I need to grind it through and hopefully then I can come to a point where I just don't care what happens anymore. I believe He can help me, no matter what the circumstance. Life isn't up, but it's not totally down either. It's hovering somewhere in between and I don't know if it's on the way up again, or on the verge of plunging... I can believe for it to be the former, which is what I'm working towards.

Haven't had much time to think about much lately, so nothing profound or thought-provoking... at least not yet.

Posted by Gerald at 4/14/2006 08:26:00 PM

Pressure Mounting

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

The pressure is mounting. It's not just about studying, it's about completing assignments and labs and other deadlines. Don't these people realise that one week isn't enough to study everything? Why do I still have a lab on my last week?

Forget the rant. I need to buck up more. I'm progressing, but I'm worried if it's not fast enough. I try my best, I just pray that God help me do above and beyond what I cannot on my own.

Short post... need to get back to books... hopefully I get enough done tonight...

Posted by Gerald at 4/12/2006 11:19:00 PM

Ups and downs

Monday, April 10, 2006

You know one of those days where you don't know why exactly but you just feel really down? It's kind of like that. I try very hard to always be happy, smiling, confident, strong... but I can't do it all the time... I'm trying hard to, and I'm praying hard about it too, but I just can't seem to get it most of the time. I wished I knew how to do it... God help me...

My mind is in turmoil... a small one probably, but it's still uneasy nontheless. I sometimes don't know if I'm thinking the right things, the things that God would want me to think... On one hand God wants me to succeed in the areas of my life I am called to... like my studies, my ministry, financially, my relationship with other people... but it just seems overwhelming sometimes... Maybe I'm not meant to do well in so many areas... it's virtually impossible because you can't focus on so many things at once.

I think I need to draw a line somewhere for certain things in my life. Call it a safety mechanism, but it would serve to help both myself and the people around me. Perhaps I am avoiding the challenge, but I don't know if it's a challenge or a barrier God put up to protect me, and so unless He says otherwise I take it as such. How do you know when God opens doors? How do you know when you are merely listening to 'voices in your head'? What if you were really convinced that something is from God, but not everyone understands? There will always be people who don't agree with what you might want to do... but does that mean we should then take it as God didn't quite want things to go that way even though you are convinced He told you so? I don't know... Although I wished I did... God is so cryptic sometimes, I wonder why He just doesn't come down and shake me up nicely and tell me what He wants me to do explicitly. It would certainly make things much simpler.

No, I don't intend to stay down... I'm trusting in Him to fill me with His spirit that I may be refreshed. It's just that when you don't know if that something is from God, you don't know if you should run for it... nor do you know if you can achieve it. The key issue is this: If God really did speak explicitly, or at least in a way that we are clear about His will, then we can do what we can to achieve it. Now if we DON'T know if it's God's will, how will you run for it? How can you fight for something if you're afraid it goes against what HE wants? You'd be fighting a losing battle, and you'd THINK you're fighting for Him!

Yes, I know the answer is prayer. Knowing well that doing something brings peace to your heart, that too is a sign that it is God's will... but that's IF He speaks... sometimes He doesn't for some reason... Guess we'll just be in a state of suspension waiting for His direction then.

I don't know what God wants for me, but I do know that I commit it to Him everyday. I pray that He will speak to me... guess I might as well try now...

Posted by Gerald at 4/10/2006 03:08:00 AM

Forum Flames

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Online forums are really cool. The evolved from bulletin boards and now have some pretty wild features which make them all the more interesting. I first got really involved in a forum known as Mangareaders while searching for some manga. all of us came from all over the world sharing a common interest; manga. However, we grew to be a community who enjoyed interaction with others even though it was a half-way round the globe. I still keep in contact with some of the members. I've moved on from there, but I am still very fond of the site... as well as forums in general.

Ever since it was formed as a means for people to interact, forums have been plagued by a group of people who although do not cause real harm, still pose a problem to other users as well as the administrators and moderators. Flaming is the act of posting something deragatory or malicious with the intent of defaming or to cause mental harm to another person. Simply put, it is an online argument which degenerates into personal attacks, insults and the like. Flaming is not constructive as it serves only to feed on a person's ego at the expense of another person. Unfortunately, this happens most of the time because being only human, people tend to take things the wrong way, either personally or otherwise. Such thinking cannot neccesarily be faulted because although personal, is very much dependent on the personality and character of a person; something we cannot make others stop doing. Thankfully, there are people around who are actually level headed enough to smooth the matter over for the good of everyone else.

Flaming can occur to an individual or to a group. Moderators generally disallow flames and instead ask people to settle their differences through other means, not by posting again and again in a forum. A forum can be private or public, but it is never a chat room for only two people, or two GROUPS of people to squabble. There is always the third party who is uninvolved and yet have to put up with such incidences simply because it is posted in the forum. Such things are inefficient and unneeded. Forums are places with rules, and they differ from one forum to another. It is important to abide by them so that the maximum capability of the forum and the community can be brought out. Discussion is the most important focus, not squabbles. Accept different views and be objective, choosing what to agree with and what not to. We all have our own mindsets, so don't impose yours on others. The goal of a forum is to have people come together to share these views and discuss them, hopefully for the betterment of the issue at hand.

By firmly keeping this thought in place, and by not losing sight of the fact that these are just opinions, we can actually make logical and coherent points instead of resorting to personal attacks. Be open minded and don't take things personally... it would help make ANY forum a better place.

Posted by Gerald at 4/08/2006 02:34:00 PM