Fighting the 'sien' feeling

Friday, May 05, 2006

I'm suffering a post-exam syndrome, where the patient doesn't find much excitement in the day. I know things shouldn't be this way. I guess the exams were really a good thing to focus on and I could forget all other things by just telling myself I should be 'concentrating on studying'. Now that I don't have that anymore, I could tell myself to 'concentrate on concert', but that wouldn't be to wise in the sense that concert shouldn't be the biggest priority, His work is! In any case, I need to find the joy in doing whatever it is I 'want' to do... I think the biggest problem is finding those things that I 'want' to do...

I may not know myself all that well I guess. My interests can be very fickle, one moment passionate about it, another indifferent. To me, they rise and fall like a tide. Sometimes, an old interest becomes interesting again, and sometimes a 'new' one wanes to the point it becomes insignificant. I think that's how a lot of us are. We go with trends, and are easily influenced by our peers. That probably explains why we usually get interested in something together with our friends. Even if we initially find it not as interesting, the fact that we're doing it together adds a lot of interest into the subject. I remember really liking CS a lot, but on hindsight, I think I was really into it once upon a time because of my peers. It was a subject that we could talk about, that we could use to initiate conversations, to discuss and argue about. It was pitting our skills (in which I lacked tremendously) against each other. The 'pleasure' was derived in knowing that we play it together... at least that was how it was for me.

I don't have a particular interest now. True, the occasional DotA game is fine by me, but it's not exactly the thing that I wake up looking forward to. I've come to realise that in the time I now have, all the 'things' that I wanted to do don't seem as important or interesting. There is no 'drive' to go and organise a game, and I find it pointless playing with AI. The thing is, I feel as if I'm drifting along, waiting for something to happen, or looking for something to make happen. Concert can be a good distraction to positively fuel the emotion, so can church. I do still need time off though, so I'll concentrate on enjoying myself in the break a little. In line with this, I CHOOSE to NOT be 'sien'. I will force myself to be positive and as exciting as I can... if not now then at least when we go over to Redang.

What's that? Yes, I'm going to Redang next week. The blog might be a little backdated, but I'm sure you'll survive...

Doing a little packing and helping the others with storage. I'm quite glad I don't have to move, so I'm just going to leave things as they are more or less... More efficient than packing/unpacking.

If you DO have an interesting thing to share, like a game or a book, do drop a comment.

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Posted by Gerald at 5/05/2006 02:53:00 AM