Friday, December 12, 2008

It's sad that after so long, my first post isn't exactly a happy one...

Work is going fine really... but something was ignited inside of me, a holy dissatisfaction if you will, that got me quite stirred up.

The year is coming to an end, and it's almost Christmas, but no, I don't feel all warm and fuzzy. In fact, I'm a little apprehensive about the things to come, although I'm praying hard about the coming year.

The thing that's bugging me is this: How can you have faith in people when you're not accepted as you are by them?

How do you feel comfortable when your acceptance stems not from being yourself, but from being what others are comfortable with?

I know this is human nature, and I myself am guilty of this at times. I understand that people only accept you if they're comfortable with you and have things in common with you. I also understand that idiosyncrasies are hard to be comfortable with...

But this should NOT happen HERE.

I know, we shouldn't be looking for acceptance from man, but the least anyone would expect is the demonstration of God's acceptance no?

THIS is the problem! How can we expect others to feel comfortable when we aren't accepting? Do you even care? I know your mouths will tell me yes, but your actions tell me no. Most are to stuck in their own comfort zone, content with doing what is comfortable rather than what's right. Sure I could do the same, and I can admit that I've been tempted many many MANY times... but I still try to do what's RIGHT!

I can't really blame anyone, after all, I'm at fault too. But it doesn't mean I should feel happy or content about it.

Nobody said it was easy. Nobody said it was 'natural'. It's NOT. This is precisely WHY it's a sacrifice. It's also precisely why that's what God expects us to do. Unfortunately, most of us can't see past our own little circle of comfort to extend that genuine love we ought to have for others who may be different. Again, no, I'm not blaming anyone, but maybe, just MAYBE, someone will realize the same things I have, and stop giving the excuse that "I'm just not comfortable PERIOD" but instead take the "I'm not too comfortable but because I want to be the living proof of God's love, I'll TRY!"

If there was one thing I wished for this Christmas, it would be this...

Posted by Gerald at 12/12/2008 12:57:00 AM

Avenue Q

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I spent a whopping $100 to catch this show, but it was worth every dollar. The show was hilarious, and the cast was awesome IMHO. The lead girl was amazing, being able to have a conversation with herself switching between two very different and unique voices. I am very impressed. The lead guy too, had a really great voice, and I'm very inspired! I wish I could sing like that.

The show itself covered a wide variety of things that we often think about, but will never publicly talk about due to political incorrectness. It's a very 'Western' setting though, so issues such as finding your own place after college, finding purpose and meaning in life, one night stands and the like might be lost on certain people. The show's take on racism and homosexuality are probably what most people truly think, but wouldn't admit it to anyone even if asked.

The songs were absolutely MAGNIFICENT. I take my hats off to the lyricist, whoever he/she is. The tunes were very catchy, but to me, it is the quality of the lyrics that makes it truly amazing. I couldn't help buying the soundtrack.

The content is very adult themed, so vulgarities and sexual innuendos were everywhere. Definitely not for the conservative, there's even an actual 'sex scene'. While I don't subscribe to those values, understanding why others do help me enjoy the show and 'appreciate' the jokes.

All in all, it is definitely a fun watch. I'd like to go again, but it has already blown a hole in my pocket, so I'll need to save up the coming weeks. If you enjoy witty dialog, songs and appreciate superb lyrics that 'fit' a song but at the same time carry punchlines and quality humour, then Avenue Q is a MUST WATCH!

Posted by Gerald at 11/13/2008 12:21:00 AM

To me

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

I couldn't not post something today...

I just wanted a record of this day...

Very low key...

Not complaining though...

Thanks for all the well wishes...

The thoughts are more than enough...

Wondering if I should be worried that I'm indifferent...

Happy birthday to me!

Posted by Gerald at 11/05/2008 11:37:00 PM


Tuesday, November 04, 2008

A: Want anything?
Me: No.
A: Are you sure? Just say what you want.
Me: Nothing.
A: Why so stubborn?
Me: I'm not. I really can't think of anything I really want.
A: There must be something that you think about wanting.
Me: Yes. 42" LCD TV. A drum set. An electric guitar and amp. PS3. A pair of Geox. Strike Freedom MG Full Burst.
A: ... Something not so pricey?
Me: Nope. Can't think of anything.
A: ...

To set the record straight, I really can't think of anything at this point that I'd feel really happy about getting this time around. Those are just 'wants', and are really just indulgence. I'm quite satisfied without.

Thing is, I'm really a very easy person to please. I'm satisfied very easily, and you don't need to go to great lengths before I can feel happy. The thought to me is more than enough.

Posted by Gerald at 11/04/2008 11:08:00 PM

Unusual Response

Monday, November 03, 2008

So, the sermon was about how every breakthrough, every manifestation of the written word or Logos (becoming the living word) requires an unusual response.

I think the difficulty for me, is what exactly constitutes this unusual response? That which is unusual for others, may be usual to me. That which is unusual to me, may be usual to others. I guess it refers to the context where the 'normal' response is that which most people in the world would deem the logical, rational, and understandable one.

I'm reminded again by Prov 13:12, about how unfulfilled hope for success and breakthrough makes the heart sick, and THIS is the reason why breakthrough is necessary! Without seeing the hand of God moving, it is impossible to keep having a passion for His things, to find excitement in life, to wake up each morning looking forward to newer things...

A sick heart is one where visions from God become merely a prolonged and unfulfilled hope or could degenerate into merely wishful thinking... In order to overcome this, the manifestation of God's promises in our lives is necessary!

As I reflect back on the visions I have for my life, for the things God has called me to, I know that there are many times where I feel discouraged, that these visions are so difficult to fulfill, that they're just a desire that is intangible, and sometimes, even that they're not from Him... but I believe, that as I give my unusual response... as I do something that steps beyond that which is ordinary, beyond that which is 'usual', His word will become flesh in my life!

I present to You my first fruits!

Posted by Gerald at 11/03/2008 12:17:00 AM

Understanding yourself

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Sometimes, I don't understand myself.

I don't know why I do the things I do.

I don't know why I say the things I say.

I don't know why I approach things the way I approach them.

I don't know why I love the things and people I love.

I don't know why I can't seem to find the strength.

I just don't understand how or why... I think at the end of the day, I just wished I knew why I think the way I think...

Or maybe this is just an excuse to write a post...

Posted by Gerald at 11/01/2008 02:51:00 AM


Friday, October 24, 2008

Words cannot express just how grateful I am to have you as a friend. Through the times I felt down you have never failed to be there to cheer me up. Don't think that they are just words, because these words do a lot to build my self-esteem and encourage me along the way. Sometimes they also knock some sense into me, and help me become a much better person. That's something I appreciate even more than receiving expensive gifts.

Thank you for being there when I needed to talk to someone. Thank you for putting up with my repeated and often irritating melancholic moods. Thank you for making time to meet despite your busy schedule. Thank you for trusting and opening up to me...

Thank you for being the best friend anyone can ask for. :)

Posted by Gerald at 10/24/2008 10:12:00 AM


You Are An INFJ

The Protector

You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.

Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.

You are an excellent listener with almost infinite patience.

You have complex feelings, and you take great care to express them.

In love, you see relationships as an opportunity to connect and grow.

You enjoy relationships when they are improving and changing. You can't stand stagnation.

At work, you stay motivated and happy... as long as you are working toward a dream you support.

You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

How you see yourself: Hardworking, ethical, and helpful

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Manipulative, weak, and unstable

Posted by Gerald at 10/24/2008 12:05:00 AM

Personal Updates and Various News

Thursday, October 23, 2008

I've been getting quite a number of prods to update my seemingly defunct blog. Rest assured, I'm still very much alive and doing well. Work isn't exactly the most exciting thing to blog about at the moment, and it's more or less the only thing I have going at the moment, unless you'd like posts after posts of what is probably geek speak.

So, what's been happening? First thing that comes to mind is of course the annual Raffles Hall concert. This year was a pretty interesting and daring take of crime and mystery. First off, my hats off to marketing and fund raising for not only securing excellent sponsors but also raising sufficient funds. The support team this year was magnificent IMHO. The booklet was original and fresh, which made it very unique. However, I really question the necessity for PR as a sub-committee. I don't think they did a bad job though...

From the producer's point of view I'd think the management did make a very good decision to cut down the number of days at UCC. It was something that was considered before, but discarded previously mostly because there was more reliance on our own technical team. It's probably proven to be most cost saving to just rely on UCC technicians instead of letting tech try to run on their own. They may not learn as much, but I think that must be the way to go moving forward.

As for the performance, I must say the cast were very talented this time around. The script itself was ambitious enough, and it's a good sign when so many talented people can actually be found in hall. Not everything was perfect, and IMHO, based on their talent, they could really have done better... but the show was nonetheless a good watch. Singing wise, I think they put in a lot of effort as it was pretty obvious they weren't all very good singers, but they hit the right pitches and the effort showed. Dance wise, I personally felt they could've been sharper too, but that's just the cynical side wanting to point out problems. After all, I do know that due to complications, they didn't have as much time to practice it. Acting wise, I felt that they did quite well the first half, and a lot of impromptu additions during the final show was nice... but by the second half, quite a number of them fell flat. I think they got a bit too complacent or tired then, and it showed. Thankfully, it was pretty minor... although it definitely would've added to the quality of the performance if they did it better, or not done it at all.

Anyhow, concert was pretty successful this time around. I at least know that the members enjoyed themselves, and me as the 'bo liao', busybody, nothing better to do than go down and disturb alumni really miss having all that. Enjoy it while it lasts people!

Moving on, cell is going through change these few weeks, with some people being transferred out. A bit sad, but it's all in the life of a cell. Looking forward to greater things God will be doing...

Personally, I've been trying hard to persuade some people to catch Avenue Q with me, but it appears not very many people share the same excitement for it; They're either put off by the price or worried they wouldn't appreciate the content. So, sad to say, I still can't find someone to join me to catch it. Hopefully, maybe, I can still catch it somehow. There's also a local Snow White production coming (Note: Director is Hossan Leong so...) It's obviously an adaptation and meant to be satirical, but AGAIN, people have to be able to appreciate the content, and I don't know very many people who do... Please prove me wrong...

I got my Singapore PR, so I'm officially 'Singaporean' so to speak.

Yup, that's about all the updates I have. Work is... work... but at least I seem to be doing well enough. Maybe I'll have an update on this when there's something worth mentioning.


Posted by Gerald at 10/23/2008 10:36:00 AM

More working life reflections

Friday, September 12, 2008

So I've been here for a month and things are starting to pick up. I think I can say I've settled in quite comfortably, but not too comfortably that I don't feel the urge to get up and do more. So far, I've been pretty blessed by being able to finish what I have to do. Still, considering I've stayed back late a number of times in the first few weeks, it's kind of an indication that things won't be so easy.

Working with your boss is something that is weird in a way. He's a very nice guy, but even though I know that, you can't help but feel somehow that you just have to be more productive when he's around, so it gets a bit stressful. He's not in today, and I've been a bit more relaxed, but at the same time, I feel very productive today completing much of my work today!

The way this company is structured makes it a pretty good place to work IMHO. Since day 1 my boss asked me to just go and push those who need to be pushed, even if they're much more senior. The company culture is apparently one where finger pointing isn't as important as SOLVING the problem, and I can at least see that in this project. I'm finding most if not all of my colleagues easy to work with; They're fun, kind, nice, motivated people, and they help keep everyone productive.

I'm enjoying myself here I must say, although the crunch time is not here yet, I'm preparing myself as best I can for it. I don't really mind staying back too, because even if I DO leave, I'm not going to do much back home, plus the work will be waiting for me the next morning. I have a very clear idea of what I'm supposed to accomplish here, and I'm doing what I can to make sure I do just that.

Here's to a long meaningful career! The end will definitely be better than the beginning, and with a start like this... ^_^

Posted by Gerald at 9/12/2008 05:29:00 PM

Reflections on starting work

Monday, September 08, 2008

Some things won't come back no matter how much you want them to...

Like Uni life once you've graduated...

I must admit working life isn't that bad... so far... and I do enjoy some of the challenges and learning experiences thus far. I get the feeling I could do pretty well. Unfortunately, it's a big change to jump into the working world, and I'm trying to adapt as quickly as I can.

I should've worked over the weekend, but that would be unwise. Pacing myself is also important I guess.

By God's grace, I'll be able to still produce good results in my work even with the various commitments I might have.

Back to work!

Posted by Gerald at 9/08/2008 12:24:00 AM


Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Haven't posted in quite a while, but feeling excited about a new technology that just came around.

Google Chrome

I'm torn between Firefox and Chrome. Chrome is insanely simple, yet functionally good. I'm having both at the moment, but I think Chrome, being built with a different core, is going to have the technological edge. Updates and further development for Chrome will be much better in the long run.

Oh, in case you're wondering, I'm working now!

Posted by Gerald at 9/03/2008 11:52:00 AM

New Home

Monday, July 07, 2008

It's been some time since my last post, and yes I'm back from Taiwan. Went back for Chia Yong and May Tjin's wedding, and now I've shifted to my brand new apartment in Woodlands. Yes, I've officially moved out of Raffles Hall. It's quite sad now that I think about it.

Still, getting my new home is really a blessing. I'm staying with my new 'homies', Ian and JJ. Rental is really reasonable, and we have all utilities including electricity, water, gas and internet covered. My room is really big and minus a shelf, is really comfortable. We went Ikea shopping since it's their annual clearance sale too.

So I've been occupied with cleaning up and settling down in my new place. Luckily things are going well and the place looks really good. It had better stay that way.

In the meantime, it's back to job hunting. Also, we're thinking of doing our housewarming next weekend, hopefully... :)

Posted by Gerald at 7/07/2008 11:17:00 PM

Taiwan Closure

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Only my second Taiwan post and I'm already getting ready to go back. Taipei has been a lot less hectic than the previous parts of the trip, with mostly only shopping on the list of things to do.

Places we visited: Ximending, Shilin, Taipei 101, Danshui and Liufoochun. Don't know if I missed any other place.

In as few words as I can: Lots of things to see, not a lot of things that made me want to buy. Fun. Tiring. One can only do so much shopping.

I think this trip taught me that I'm more suited to shop at 'higher class' places, because as great a bargain as Bugis street lookalikes may have, they serve nothing that suits my tastes, nor is the shopping experience particularly suitable for me.

Heading back tomorrow. As great as Taiwan is, after a while, you kind of get a little tired of the dreary weather. I'm particularly averse to wet weather so yes, I'm also particularly unhappy about the weather. It was still very fun though, and I'm quite glad I came along for this trip. Too bad it's time to bid adieu!

Posted by Gerald at 6/14/2008 10:37:00 PM

Taiwan midway report

Sunday, June 08, 2008

So I've been in Taiwan almost a full week and here's a short little report on what we've done since arriving here.

We touched down in Hong Kong and waited 40 minutes on Monday for our transit flight to Taipei. We finally arrived in Taiwan, and it was raining... it was about dinner time, so we just had time to check in and go for shabu shabu. We were leaving early the next day, so we hit the sack.

The next morning, we awoke early to start our journey around the entire island. It was early but the sun was already up, and it was drizzling, which could pretty much describe most of our trip so far. The nine of us packed into a van and headed to Alishan. Pictures are not with me yet, but I was told it was the Taiwanese version of Cameron Highlands. As usual, the cold did not agree with me, but somehow I managed to come down from there ok. We tried to catch the sunrise which was supposed to be very magnificent from up the mountain, but again, due to rain, we went back disappointed.

We visited the Sun Moon Lake too, which had a lot of nice sceneries. Taking the boat ride across the lake was fun I suppose, but hardly as exciting. Still, the lake was quite impressive. We stayed over there for a night.

The next morning, we went to an aboriginal theme park, ostensibly to see the different tribes that lived in that area. Interestingly, they reminded me a lot about our very own Iban and Kadazan tribes. The theme park also had lots of fun and exciting rides, and I really enjoyed one ride; my first time on a hanging coaster. Sitting right in the front was really exciting!

We rushed a little to catch our train, which was a High Speed Rail (Read: Somewhat like a bullet train, although just a little slower... ). That was pretty impressive IMHO. The train flew like one quarter the length of the island in an hour.

We arrived and caught a bus to Ken Ting, the southernmost tip of Taiwan. It's a seaside area famous for its street stalls, sort of like a daily night market. We had a lot of Taiwanese finger and hawker food. They also had various unique things not usually found in a night market, like game stalls and temporary tattoos. Still, it was quite fun walking around trying out the various unique food... like wild boar meat (which we have officially dubbed TK).

Ken Ting is also famous for its beach and water sports, although not quite the water sports that you think. They have jet skis and banana boat rides, but they also had other more exciting rides, like the donut, or the 'popeye'. Both are similar to the banana boat, but at a much higher intensity. Failure to hold on tightly would result in falling into the sea. Still, they were very very fun, but tiring.

We also visited for the very first time, a hot spring! It was certainly interesting as I never really understood why people would want to go through so much effort just for a shower, but now I do... It's really comfortable! I also managed to try some of the more unique 'therapies', like those leg biting fish, and tea extract. The fish were really fun. It's interesting how they swarm you the moment you put your feet into the water. It's not painful at all although it takes a little getting used to so you don't get too ticklish. I enjoyed it thoroughly. All the various springs had different temperatures depending on what they were for, and we tried just about every single one of them. It was definitely a very fun experience.

So, after a day out at the beach (which thank goodness was free from rain), an evening at the hot spring, and night marketing, we left Ken Ting and caught a bus and train which took us to Hua Lien, which is on the east side of Taiwan. Hua Lien is a relatively big city, and we stayed in a very nice little blue hostel. Somehow, the landlady seemed to favor Ann Leong a lot. In Hua Lien we actually had the opportunity to see a Dragon Boat Race, although it was a bit too sunny for us. We also visited Taroko National Park, and took quite a lot of nice photos there. The highlight of our Hua Lien trip had to be the white water rafting though. Unfortunately, yours truly felt a little unwell half way through, but it was definitely an experience worth having, even though it was only half way. We travelled for about 3++ km downstream, and it was both tiring and hot, but still very enjoyable. It was definitely one of the best parts of the trip!

So after two days in Hua Lien, we bid adieu to the city which gave us our first taste of the internet in such a long time, and headed back to Taipei, which is where I am at the moment. Our touring part of the trip is over, but we still have the shopping part. So far, we've visited Xi Men Ding, but that place is just a little too 'hip' for my taste. I really ought to be shopping for more working clothes anyway.

I'm signing off here. There's plenty more to write about, not to mention photos to put up, but for now, this will have to do. It's been a really fun trip and I'm still looking forward to the next few days.

Oh, and I'm totally well now thanks!

Posted by Gerald at 6/08/2008 08:11:00 PM

Airport blogging

Monday, June 02, 2008

For the first time... I'm actually blogging at the airport.

I've read about it in other blogs, but I've never really had much of an opportunity to do it, probably because I usually don't get the chance to fly all that much.

So here I am, on my way to Taiwan for my graduation trip. Exciting? Looking forward to it really. :)

There really isn't all that much that I can blog about is there? After all, it's just a spur of the moment thing...

Maybe when I arrive I'll have something to write about... Maybe...

Posted by Gerald at 6/02/2008 09:59:00 AM


Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Virtue of Humility | The Art of Manliness

This is a very good article.

Nothing much to say because I think it speaks for itself. It really convicts me in these areas of my life.

I will give a few references though:

Matt 6:1, Matt 6:5, Matt 6:16 and Matt 23:5

Posted by Gerald at 5/28/2008 01:50:00 AM


Sunday, May 25, 2008

Every time I come back, I have to watch myself. I'm quite glad that I'm doing quite well spiritually, but that doesn't mean I'm all that great. I have to watch myself that I don't let pride get the better of me. Still, I do feel a great burden when I see the lack of passion, the lack of hunger and the lack of seriousness when it comes to the things of God here.

I feel a very heavy burden, a holy dissatisfaction, largely because I myself awoke not too long ago. I realize now that my attitude in the past was the same as those that I see now, and because of that, I realize just what I'd been missing out on.

And I really pray that all those who have yet to realize it as I have will.

Never have I been as convicted about what the Bible calls 'lukewarmness'. There are so many things it says about how we ought to seek first His kingdom, or in other words, seek after spiritual things, and He will take care of the rest. Unfortunately, instead of arranging our lives around God, with Him being the core, many take God as just another part of who they are. Going to church is a weekly 'club', and we do things because we're expected to. This attitude of placing God as a secondary priority causes us to live a powerless life, one which we rely on ourselves, and we never walk by faith.

God is looking for a heart that places Him first, and I know that most people would say out loud that they do. The revelation they receive is not wrong, but it is only on the intellectual level, not on the spiritual level. If every word and wisdom of God spoken to us only convicts us at the intellectual level, we are learning only concepts, which is basically the law. Now biblical concepts are not bad or wrong, but Jesus came to save, and to give us the power to be set free. Again being free does not mean to be lawless, but to be reliant on Jesus' strength and not your own. Most of us just don't have Jesus as the center of our life, so how can we have His strength?

So we live a defeated life, or at least, a faithless one. We play it very safe, and we walk solely on our own abilities. Being educated and well to do means a lot of us don't really see the need to have God much. We've never been placed in a place where we have no choice but to have absolute faith in God's goodness. Since we never 'need' God, He's never really all that important for us.

I'm not saying our background or life has to be in a bad condition and that we must be in a situation where we are in dire need for His intervention all the time, but we have never been challenged, and we never gain the passion for Him.

We need to learn that God is really seeking for someone to make decisions that are FOR HIM. This shows in little things that we do, like whether or not we're willing to step out of our comfort zone to do something for Him. Do we sacrifice our time for prayer meetings? Make time in our private lives to be spent in His presence? Rely on His goodness and move when He asks us to?

Conviction has to happen at the spiritual level. We have to be convicted enough when God speaks to make tough decisions and move according to His will. If our Christian faith is just an intellectual one, then we shortchange ourselves from living the true Christian life that Jesus came to give to us.

There are many things that I can still learn, and I am always humbled when I'm here. I really pray each day that I do not lose the personal revival I am experiencing. Each day, I try to commit myself more and more to Him, to tune myself to be sensitive to His word and His vision. Most of all, I pray for a greater revelation and that I will never lose my passion and seriousness in the things of God.

Posted by Gerald at 5/25/2008 10:16:00 PM

Who you are in Him

Saturday, May 17, 2008

I've always believed that we are meant to be as much like Him as possible. We're striving to imitate Him, hence we call ourselves Christians; little Christ. Being like Him doesn't mean we lose our individuality, but we He does want us to understand His heart and long for the same things as He does.

I don't have to be someone else, because I know who He wants me to be...

I'm just believing that as I hold on to Him, and choosing His ways, in everything I do, that His love will cover me, and He will make my paths straight. All I ask, is that You point the direction...

I will walk in that direction...

Posted by Gerald at 5/17/2008 02:21:00 AM

Don't let things get you down

Thursday, May 15, 2008

It's amazing how small and simple events and conversations can either make your day, or turn it upside down for you.

It's only in relying on His love that one can keep going strong and putting on a smile that's genuine, because we carry His presence.

This presence really helps us to keep the disappointing things to a minimum, because He helps us say the right things, make the right decisions, do the right thing...

More of You, Lord, that is all I seek. Everything else is secondary, even though they may still be very important to me. I lay them aside, focusing on You, loving You...

Let everything I do, be done as to You. Let my desires be aligned with Yours, for I Seek not to glorify or gratify myself, but to glorify You Lord.

So don't let anything get you down, but with prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, present your petition to God... He'll help...

I love, because You first love me.

Posted by Gerald at 5/15/2008 10:47:00 AM

God's way

Thursday, May 08, 2008

I really wonder very often, why I chose this...

I noticed the flaws and the problems. I could already guess the 'logical' outcome of the situation. I could tell that this was probably not for me, that I deserved better...

Yet, by faith, seeking Your guidance and wisdom, I chose Your way! I listened to Your word!

I don't believe I was misguided. I ask only to reveal Your wisdom to me and show me what it is You want me to see...

Seeking Your presence more and more each day...

Posted by Gerald at 5/08/2008 04:19:00 AM

Ubuntu Hardy Heron 8.04

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Does your desktop look this good?

Welcome to Hardy Heron. I'm not about to repeat what every other blog says about how it's cool and all, but the features are certainly impressive. I downloaded and burned the ISO, popped it into my CD drive, rebooted my computer, and just selected Language, Region, Keyboard Layout and Disk Partition (which was already setup from previous installs). Within 20 minutes, everything was ready to go! It detected my display settings automatically. Unfortunately, I wanted proprietary drivers. No problem there though, as I easily installed it and after a reboot, I had everything I needed.

The cool eyecandy came built in and I just had to install the Compiz Config Settings Manager, which was just a click from the Synaptics Package Manager, and tweak the settings I wanted. The Scale feature was top of my list because I had gotten used to mousing around for my required window. Just in case you encounter the same problem as me, the binding for mouse movements only is not under 'mouse' but under 'screen'.

There was a slight hitch with the hard drives. Somehow, since I'm using pure SATA drives partitioned into quite a number of logical drives, they end up being unmounted by default. While there's nothing really wrong with that, some of the default settings during boot for me, like my desktop background for instance, is stored on those drives, and this is problematic when the drive isn't automatically mounted. I had to manually configure my fstab, and set it to auto mount. Surprisingly, the other 'glitch' I encountered was that my FAT32 drive couldn't be written to when the 'defaults' option was placed in my fstab. I had to manually configure it, and in the process learned something new. I found out that 'defaults' under fstab meant that permissions would be set to 'nouser', so I guess that's the reason.

In any case, everything is working beautifully now. Yes, I decided to install Avant Window Navigator as my dock. I'm still waiting for it to have an 'enlarge on mouseover' feature like a Mac, although it fits every other requirement I have at this point.

I played around with various theming options and settled for a darker shade. I personally think it looks really good. Macs tend to be all whitish, so the black theme would set my desktop apart compared to previously where I tried to make it look like a Mac. I realize now it was quite dumb trying to emulate the Mac, since it's definitely NOT a Mac. Ubuntu can do so much better after all.

Problems? So far, none that I can remember. I think there's a slight glitch with Firefox 3 rebooting my X server each time it accesses certain pages, but I think it's a Firefox thing more than an Ubuntu one. Hopefully it gets fixed by the time Firefox 3 gets released proper... together with the rest of my important extensions.

Posted by Gerald at 4/29/2008 06:21:00 PM

Disappointed in me

Sunday, April 27, 2008

I screwed up... I thought I was doing fine, but I think this was a myth I created for myself...

It was pierced and popped, and I realized just how inadequate I've been...

There was nothing I could do really... and ironically, the only thing I can do, is to look to Him. What else could I have done? I'm not sure, but it would probably be my fault things turned out this way. This is my limit. I can't do any more apart from what I've already done, except pray...

But that would be weakness wouldn't it? Being unable to overcome such problems without needing His help? What strength has a person to make someone change his/her decision? Not that much I wager, unless he chooses to 'force' it through...

Words cannot truly describe how disappointed I truly am... I won't point fingers at anyone, because if I had to, I know it'd be pointed most of all at myself... nonetheless it is disheartening to find the situation as it stands...

And believe it or not, it's affecting me a lot more than other things...

Posted by Gerald at 4/27/2008 07:29:00 AM

Vision revival

Thursday, April 24, 2008

I was reading about Elisha, and the Shunammite woman who made space for Him to come in and stay. It struck me in verse 28...

So she said, "Did I ask a son of my lord? Did I not say, 'Do not deceive me'?"

I find myself asking the same question. I didn't want any of this. I remembered clearly asking Him not to let me walk down this path if it's not meant to be. Yet, in the end, I find that whatever I thought was given by Him, just like her son, is dead. I really felt this was what I was going through. The thing is, the story doesn't end there...

He returned and walked back and forth in the house, and again went up and stretched himself out on him; then the child sneezed seven times, and the child opened his eyes. And he called Gehazi and said, "Call this Shunammite woman." So he called her. And when she came in to him, he said, "Pick up your son." So she went in, fell at his feet, and bowed to the ground; then she picked up her son and went out. - 2 Kings 4:35 - 37

Perhaps the vision that has been given to me is dead. I can only stand and wait for God to revive it, as I seek Him and cry out to Him... Maybe the vision isn't meant to be revived now, I really don't know.

What I DO know, is that He will see me through...

Posted by Gerald at 4/24/2008 02:05:00 PM

Work complete... almost...

Monday, April 21, 2008

Finally finished my poster. I quite like how it turned out. Printed it in A1 size and it's good to go.

Also finished my TS1101E portfolio. I think it's pretty decent too, so hopefully I get a good grade.

Finally, my last project needs work. Group work though, so will have to complete it soon. Hopefully tomorrow after the presentation I can get on it.

As for me, I'm holding up I guess. Focusing on work, so I'm not going to get distracted. Besides, there are some things that you can do nothing about so why focus on them? Just doing what I can, according to His prompting, and leaving the rest to Him...

Posted by Gerald at 4/21/2008 06:37:00 PM

Unwanted and uncontrollable random thoughts

Friday, April 18, 2008

I was right. Not too surprising I guess, but it can be a bit worrying...

Does that mean I succumb to it just like that? Of course not! I'll keep fighting! All the way.

Trusting in You and Your word!

Posted by Gerald at 4/18/2008 06:34:00 PM

Of Studies and the Future

Saturday, April 12, 2008

I've been taking a break since I submitted my report. It was tiring but I managed to make a decent one I think. Still, I just wanted to stop and do nothing after that, but it's time to start picking up again.

Since it's easiest to complete tasks when you make them concrete, I'll just write it down:

1) Project 2 - Streaming Stored Video Project
2) TS Practical Exam - Mini Production
3) Study for the upcoming papers

CS4274 06-May-2008 Afternoon
SC1101E 28-Apr-2008 Morning
TS1101E 06-May-2008 Evening

Right. So there we have it. Going to have to start work on it now!

I really should stop it already... It won't do to over-assume. I'm taking it as having nothing to do with me... xD

Posted by Gerald at 4/12/2008 01:22:00 PM

Nerd Test 2

Friday, April 04, 2008

NerdTests.com says I'm a Cool Nerd King.  What are you?  Click here!

Nerd test part 2. Haha.

Posted by Gerald at 4/04/2008 12:02:00 AM

Some Life Lessons

Thursday, April 03, 2008

There are some things in life that I wished I'd known much earlier. Of course, there are still many things that I have yet to learn, but I'm glad I've come a long way. I think more people ought to learn these as early in life as possible. Here's a list of some things that I believe shows you that you've grown.

1) Make important decisions by yourself. Far too many people have been brought up sheltered by their parents. I'm not saying that parents should ignore their children, but there has to be a limit as to how far you hold your child's hands. Letting them face the world and guiding them along the way is much better than trying to shield them from everything and direct them all the way. This has to be adapted according to age, since younger children probably need more protection, but when adults (read those hitting above 20) are still being shielded from the 'terrors of the world' and told what to do, there's something seriously wrong. It's bad enough that so many people refuse to grow up without having their parents condone it. We should all move past the 'mummy / daddy will settle it for me' stage and start being more independent. I look up to my parents, especially my father, because he learned very early on in life how to take responsibility of his life and make important decisions. That's the thing about parents back then. They knew that once a child got past high school, the child should be making these decisions for himself, like what to do for the rest of their lives. While parents can have preferences, it is the child who ultimately decides and lives out that life. If you'd brought your children up right, they'd know how to come to you if they needed your advice.

2) Realize that the world is not fair. It's great to have a sense of justice. Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world. There will be a lot of times when you may have done everything you can, put in your best effort, and still be let down. You will fail in one area of life at one point or another. It's what living is about. No matter how good you think your talents are, in studies, in sports, in music, in arts, in communicating, there's always someone much better than you. I'm not advocating that we just accept this and lose all hope, but identifying that the world owes you nothing is a very good starting point. By realizing that the world is not quite perfect, we prepare ourselves to handle defeat and disappointment. Sure, things may not always go the way you want them to, even if you feel you rightfully deserve it. If you understand the world, then just keep on going without giving up and eventually, the world will give you your chance. It's when people don't grasp this concept that they immediately lose all hope and spirit when faced with an 'unfair' defeat. You don't have to be that weak.

3) Understand that people will let you down. Yes, no matter how much you may trust someone, there are bound to be times when they disappoint you. This does not mean that they are not worthy to be relied on, but that as humans they are also susceptible to mistakes. People who don't get this are usually unforgiving and hold grudges. They need to understand that people cannot entirely fulfill your expectations, particularly if your expectations go beyond their abilities. The closer we get to people, the higher the expectations we have for them, and sometimes it just gets to a point that it cannot be fulfilled. Pointing the finger at them isn't going to help. The worst kinds are those who get all bitter when it does happen. You need to understand that people imperfect.

4) Be open minded. There are many things to learn in this world, and the mark of a great person is one who's willing to evolve and become better. Far too many people I've met say they're simply the way they are and cannot change. I believe this to be a fallacy, and is more stubbornness than anything else. Being closed minded is simply being unable to accept that there are alternatives, and that you have the ability to make changes. Just because you were brought up one way doesn't mean you can only make decisions and think in that way. You have the choice of evaluating what's good and what's not. True, changes do not come overnight, but believing that you CAN change is important, because without it, you'd try once, fail, and give up. The sad truth is that so many people simply stay 'the way they are' and years later, they're still the same, facing the same problems, doing the same things, making the same mistakes. They were never open minded enough to consider alternatives to their attitudes and choices. They are bound by their close mindedness. Being open minded is a CHOICE, as are a lot of other things in life. You have to be able to accept the things you have no choice over (like your height or family background) but that there are a lot of areas in life that you DO (like your attitude, actions, words)! Making mistakes in your attitudes, actions and words is fine, but making the same mistakes over and over and claiming "I'm just like that" is a lousy excuse for you to not even try to change.

This list is by no means exhaustive, but it does provide a glimpse of the things that people, including myself, ought to understand so that they can live life the best they can. Learning this in your head is not enough as it has to be transformed into attitudes and actions, but knowing this is the first step to living a better life.

Posted by Gerald at 4/03/2008 02:07:00 PM


Monday, March 31, 2008

Yes, I'm one of those irritating people who like to ask questions to provoke thought. I like to disagree, not because I thrive on dissent, but because I believe disagreeing is a very good way to connect with people. You actually get to know what they really think instead of just 'text-book answers'.

In any case, this article reflects my sentiments on disagreeing.

Opinions matter, because they tell me what you think. I'm not deliberately being disagreeable. I'm not deliberately being mean and wanting to be entirely against you. A conversation where there are no disagreements are boring. Think about it.

A: I think XXX football club is great!
B: Yea, I agree!
A: I think they got great players!
B: You're right.
A: They're absolutely fantastic!
B: Yea, they are.

The conversation is totally uninteresting. How can the two of them connect? How can they communicate well?

It doesn't mean that you shouldn't be agreeable. I do have my own opinions. I may actually agree with you and the way you think. However, sometimes, I just play devil's advocate to provoke a response. Sometimes I just try to be disagreeable to get you to state what you really think, and why you think that way.

So if I'm being disagreeable... just remember I'm trying to connect with you.

Posted by Gerald at 3/31/2008 07:09:00 PM

Double Mindedness

You know how it is. The constant "Should I or should I not..." kind of thoughts which plague every individual. It takes a very strong person, or an idiot, to make such clear and absolute decisions.

Pastor preached about it on Sunday. While this may have just been the introduction to what he actually wanted to tell us, it bears much thought as being lukewarm is exactly what makes people 'ordinary'. Of course, the whole foundation was laid to finally talk about one of the biggest problematic attitudes we have as humans... procrastination.

There are a few things I learned. The story of Samson was interesting as it described how God led him to a place: Mahaneh Dan, between Zorah and Eshtaol. Mahaneh Dan is the place of CHOICE. Zorah literally meant "Hornet's Sting", and Eshtaol referred to the face / will of God. It's always easy to make a choice with your head... of course you know you ought to choose Eshtaol. Unfortunately, we wrestle with our flesh, and it usually wants us to take the easier, self-gratifying way, Zorah.

How does this relate to procrastination? In many ways. Every time we decide we want to do something that is led by God, we ought to do it NOW. If God has called us to serve, then serve Him NOW. Saying "maybe when I have time" is basically making God play second fiddle to your own wants. Putting off tomorrow what you can do today is exactly the basis of procrastination.

We are used to thinking "I'll do it tomorrow for sure..." and we before we know it, a year has passed and that 'tomorrow' still hasn't come. It's the biggest lie the devil uses to keep us from achieving the things God has called us to. We have to make a DECISION, be DEDICATED to it, and DISCIPLINE ourselves to follow through. It's not easy, but it's what makes us strive to succeed.

So double-mindedness is when you think "should I do this now or later..." and then "well, I can afford to take a rest now... I'll do it later..." We're not being very wise because at the end of the day, we make decisions but lack the COMMITMENT. This is something I catch myself doing many times, and I'm still trying to overcome.

Of course, making the RIGHT decision is important too. Only do it when God calls you to, not when you want to. Impulsiveness is not the same as decisiveness... that's just foolishness.

So, I'll complete the things I know I ought to do. I'll write down everything I need to get done and make sure it gets done by the end of April. It's a busy period, and there is a lot to do, but it might just be an opportunity for me to overcome procrastination and adopt a productive habit. I won't do it alone though. I'll need Your help. Thank You.

Posted by Gerald at 3/31/2008 05:40:00 PM


Thursday, March 27, 2008

Definition: incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result; an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.

It's when you work really hard and you only get negative results.

It's when you don't work hard and you seem to get all the results.

It's when your view of a just and fair world is punctured by the reality that it never is.

It's when life slaps you in the face when things are going great.

It's when you till the land, sow the seeds, care for the crops, but someone else reaps the harvest.

It's when you fight the enemy, and just as you're winning you get struck by an arrow.

It's when you play by all the rules, and not only lose the game, but many other things as well.

It's when you do everything in your power to bless others, only to be cursed yourself.

It's when you try to be the best you can be and have the world call you a hypocrite.

It just makes you wonder if you've missed something.

The world is cruel. Life is unfair. We have to learn to live with and accept that...

I don't think I have the full capacity to do that just yet.

There's only so much I can do. Regardless of how I may dislike, abhor, detest, loathe, despise or hate it, I have to accept the things which I can do nothing about...

I need You...

Posted by Gerald at 3/27/2008 05:57:00 PM

The Challenge

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

It's always a challenge to decide to walk on a path which you know may lead to failure. It's difficult enough that the path is narrow, fraught with obstacles and treacherous passes, but to realize that all that effort may count for nothing, or worse, cause you to lose something... it's not easy...

All things worth pursuing come with a price, and it's the weighing of the cost versus the result which helps a person decide. A lot of thought was put into deciding to walk in such a difficult direction, and it was not an impulsive choice. In fact, despite the seemingly unfavourable position, the process in which that decision was made keeps coming to remembrance, and it is the sole source of strength which gives the drive and ability to stay in that place.

Thoughts of throwing in the towel have surfaced more than a few times, and each time it seems so convenient, so much easier, so much better to just yield. Yielding cuts losses, concedes that the prize is out of reach and allows for freedom... but you obviously won't obtain the prize even if it may not actually be out of reach.

How does one tell the difference between perseverance in the face of obstacles and plain stubbornness? It is a question that has been asked before... but a satisfactory answer has yet to be found. Perhaps it requires a leap of faith, to believe that this is the path to take and persevere through regardless of the obstacles. To keep on keeping on even when everything else fails. To look at the prize and focus on it, drawing strength in seeing it with your spirit. In the end, if it turns out right, it would be perseverance. Otherwise, it would be stubbornness.

By hanging the definition on the outcome, it is basically impossible to tell the difference when faced with the dilemma. Thankfully, I have one thing which gives me strength to know the difference...

God's word.

He spoke... in the still small voice... when I cried out to Him... They testify to what I believe is where He wants me to go... and I will follow them, even if they seem to make me stubborn. I will, by faith, take it to be perseverance. I have been encouraged each time I feel down, and I have been helped up each time I fell. Perhaps the final result isn't exactly as I predicted, but the path I am walking, I at least know that I was called to...

Lord, give me the ability do the things I can, the strength to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to tell the difference.

Breakthrough... or breakdown... I'm fighting for the former... but even if the latter happens, I will declare that I still believe in His word, that this path is where He has ordained me to go...

I have no regrets...

Posted by Gerald at 3/26/2008 01:42:00 AM

Arguments from different perspectives

Sunday, March 23, 2008

I've always liked debates. Up till this day, I'm really thankful to my secondary school English teacher for pulling me and a sizable number of my other classmates into the inter-school debate competition. While it was not perfect, and I'm not that great a debater, I actually learned a lot from that whole episode, particularly about how to tackle arguments.

This article Is a very good read on arguments. Although it technically focuses more on reviews, the points made in the article are poignant for anyone wanting to establish any sort of argument.

People have opinions, whether or not they choose to express it. Sometimes people express them when they're not warranted. Other times, even pleading will not bring it to the surface. These opinions guide our decisions and judgments when reading any article or any conversation. A neutral article is one where we feel stronger about our opinions after we read the article, regardless of whichever side of the fence we were on.

Unfortunately, although some try to be balanced in writing articles or making arguments, their articles and arguments are often taken to be 'either or'. It basically means that to choose a neutral stance, trying to be objective in making an evaluation, would equate to being rejected by both sides. The example given is that when a balanced article praising say, an iPod, which at the same time points out various flaws and areas of improvements is found, Apple fanboys would get upset because the article doesn't praise the product totally. Similarly, detractors of the iPod would deem it equally blasphemous as it seems to sing Apple's praises.

Interestingly, psychological studies have found that in the end, what matters most is the initial opinion of the individual. If I'm pro-iPod, then a 'balanced article' would seem to me to be biased. If I'm anti-iPod, the same article would seem to me to also be biased, but to the other direction. What this means is that in an argument, one would definitely be unhappy whenever conflicting views are presented if one is not entirely neutral, and most people aren't. It matters not that the conflicting view is from a neutral source. The source would be deemed to be biased.

Being neutral is not easy, nor is it particularly rewarding. However, it is a true sign of maturity that one is able to make observations, evaluations and possibly argue from both sides of the fence, judging only when all aspects have been considered, if one is so required. In the end, one has to be very conscious about blindly accusing others of bias, when one is likely to have done the same.

I'd particularly like to quote this:
They care little for honest opinion. They want to pick up the paper and see in it a reflection of their own nearly religious zeal for the thing they love. They don't want a review. They want a hagiography.

Perhaps this kind of explains the reasons for fanboyism...

Posted by Gerald at 3/23/2008 03:45:00 PM

Ubuntu Hardy Heron 8.04 LTS

Saturday, March 22, 2008

So once again, it's coming close to the release of a new version of Ubuntu. They're still staying true to the half-yearly release of distribution upgrades, and based on the beta that's been released so far, it's always getting better and better.

Some of the interesting features of Hardy Heron is the use of Firefox 3.0. It's developmental, but it has already solved one of the most GLARING PROBLEMS with Firefox 2... MEMORY ISSUES! This is a big thing as I still keep lighter web browsers around for quick loads as Firefox, with all it's useful features, is a resource hog. Add the fact that my Firefox is almost never closed as long as my PC is on (which is about well... almost all the time) it can get pretty jerky. Firefox 3 could potentially solve this problem so I'm really looking forward to it!

The second thing that is impressive is the use of the latest Xorg. This means no more tweaking and re-configuring entire Xorg settings just to get my display to my native resolution, and to get Compiz-Fusion to work. Monitor support has never been a problem, but the new Xorg would make configuring it an easier task.

Another interesting feature is Wubi, making this release a very good version of Ubuntu to download and burn and give out to all Windows users. Admittedly, the only reason why I'm still using Windows is because I play games as well, but with programs like PlayOnLinux and the infamous Wine, it's only a matter of time before Ubuntu becomes the default boot for me.

Also, this being an LTS release (LTS standing for Long Term Support), one can expect a relatively higher level of stability.

These are but some of the new things lined up for us in the upcoming release. I'm looking forward to the official release, although the beta looks very promising. Here's to a great new chapter in Ubuntu history!

Posted by Gerald at 3/22/2008 01:50:00 PM

Expectations and disappointments

Friday, March 14, 2008

Note: I made this post somewhere some time back. It's a good time to remember and reflect back on it...

Well, I guess after a high, there's bound to be a drop.

What did you think? What did you expect? That things will work out for you overnight? That the situation will suddenly turn out perfect? That circumstances will just change to the way you want it?

Expectations should be managed well, in that one can't possibly be expecting too much. Still, it's obviously difficult to think otherwise when things seem to be going well. The more expectations one has, the higher the likelihood of the disappointment which may follow. It's important to have them though, because otherwise we won't be striving for anything. The issue is that of balance, but the question is: how much is too much? It all boils down to expectation management.

So the disappointment you face is none other than your own fault. You didn't manage your expectations well enough. You couldn't possibly have hoped for that much. I cannot for the life of me understand why you could even THINK that way. Of course, this regret only happens on hindsight.

Lord, help me make sense of things. Help me understand, and REALLY ACCEPT that although things may have seemed great, there's still really a LONG WAY to go. Teach me PATIENCE, teach me to be OPEN, and most of all, teach me to be MATURE and WISE in handling this matter. Help me keep looking to You, to never grow weary or lose heart, but to rejoice always in ALL circumstances. Into Your hands I commit myself.

Posted by Gerald at 3/14/2008 11:44:00 PM

Of love, giving and serving...

Sunday, March 09, 2008

You can give without loving, but you can't love without giving...

And giving of yourself is serving...

Thus you can serve without loving, but you cannot love without serving...

So do what you can, when you can, how you can, for the people that you care for...

Not even expecting anything in return although you may hope for it...

For such is the attitude of one who truly loves...

Not judging by mere feelings...

But by the decisions one makes...

Posted by Gerald at 3/09/2008 06:19:00 PM

Knocking on doors

Monday, March 03, 2008

"Ask, and it shall be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
Matt 7:7

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.
Rev 3:20

We are not asked to just stand outside the door and wait, hoping that it will magically open for us. We are instead asked to knock, to take an action to gain the attention of the person on the other side of the door. We HEAR His voice when he knocks, so His word is also important.

Holding on to Your word...

Posted by Gerald at 3/03/2008 02:04:00 PM

Undesired Outcome

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

I guess I never expected to be in this position so soon...

Thinking about it though, it's not all bad... in a way, it DOES reflect how I wanted things to be... with the exception of one thing...


I never expected it to be positive at this point. The whole point was to allow an opportunity to make a difference. I think I DO have that opportunity, and I'll do my best to make it count... In the end, I know what should be done... and I'll do just that. I have no expectations, just a desire to follow God's word, and I think that's enough.

Posted by Gerald at 2/27/2008 12:16:00 PM


Monday, February 25, 2008

Tired, and a little sick...

My nose seems to be acting up again. Haven't been getting enough sleep and that's not good. Feeling weak too...

At least my finger's out of the splint... but it still hurts to stretch the joint, and I still need to do it.

Maybe physiotherapy will help...

Finger and then ankle... next is heart...?

Posted by Gerald at 2/25/2008 10:28:00 PM


Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I'm feeling a bit discouraged now...

A sprained ankle two days before the finals is not something to be happy about. It might just be God's way of telling me to let it go...

I was really unsure about wanting to play. I've been fighting my finger injury and was close to coming out, but I was worried all along that it may not have been something God would've wanted me to do. At this point though, I've gotten a very clear answer from Him, so at least the decision has been made.

Still, I'm going to have to hold my head up. It's disappointing, and I feel really wished things were different. I really wished that I didn't have to face such trials... but it seems aiming for something great will always be littered with obstacles to overcome, and this one's just a bit too much for me. I just hope that in other areas that are God ordained, I can overcome the difficulties by His grace.

Posted by Gerald at 2/19/2008 12:26:00 PM

To Fight or not to Fight

Monday, February 04, 2008

There are some things in life worth pursuing, worth fighting for... Fighting will involve the element of risk, the possibility of losing. Getting hurt would definitely be part of the process.

So we often have to look at circumstances, to weigh and judge if the result is worth the risk. Sometimes, the prize seems to be very precious, but even so, the cost may be too great.

We make decisions based on our life priorities, that's a given. I used to wonder why some people can seem so unwise, to be willing to risk their future for a moment of glory, but when faced with the same decision, I cannot truly say I would definitely make the right decision. I KNOW for a fact that at the end of the day, it's just a stupid 1 hour match. I KNOW that after that match I'm going to look back and think "Why the hell did we go through so much just to play that one game?" My head tells me that I ought to know what to decide, to do that which is wise. But still I'm faced with the question yet again: Am I willing to put my future on the line for a short moment of 'glory'? The rational part of me is saying "don't be stupid!", but another part of me says "you only live life once, so go do it!"

I'd like to think I'm the kind of person who would go all out for something I believed in. If I'm thoroughly convinced that God's will is for me to excel in this area, and I have passion for it, I think I'd be willing to give up a lot to get it done. Unfortunately, in this one instance, I'm not so sure what God's will is... true, He asked us to excel, but He also told us to be wise, and I'm not so sure if choosing to be this reckless is considered 'wise'.

I guess in the end, I did choose to fight for it. I'll once again do my part and pray for God to do His. I positioned myself the best I knew how to make things as favorable for me to play, but it seems it just couldn't happen. Now I don't know if I still have the opportunity, but God willing, I think I can try!

The biggest question I have is this: Is having this attitude glorifying God? I really believe that if it does, then I can trust in His protection. Otherwise I'm just running on my own strength. Being reckless can hardly be something God would want us to be... but I doubt He'd want us to be people who weren't willing to step out in faith either.

So to fight, or not to fight... I'm going to FIGHT if it's where I believe You want me to go, where I believe You're leading me, where I believe You're directing me to go. I think this is one area I might consider fighting for instead of drawing back. I'm just waiting for You to reveal Your will, and I believe I'll see it through the doors that You open for me... or don't open. Thank You.

Posted by Gerald at 2/04/2008 01:25:00 PM

Doctor says...

Thursday, January 31, 2008

So I've been visiting my doctor very often lately. After two X-rays and many consultations, he referred me to a specialist, who promptly told me that I'd better put my finger back on a splint for another 6 weeks.

If it doesn't heal, I'll have to go for surgery.

That woke me up. It's no longer a small problem. He asked if I was fine with how the finger was... and I told him no. My left finger is important for me to type. If I'm going to be working with computers as much as I think I am, there's no doubt that this is going to be a problem.

The biggest worry for me though, is that I play the guitar, and without this finger functioning perfectly (as it is, I can't fully bend it) I can no longer play. The specialist told me that if it doesn't heal the second time around, I would have to operate if I ever want to play the guitar again.

Father I believe that You are the God who heals, so I ask that in Jesus' name, bring healing to my finger that I may function fully again. I believe in Your healing.

Thanks to everyone who's praying for me.

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Posted by Gerald at 1/31/2008 03:39:00 PM

Cognitive Dissonance

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Definition: The feeling of uncomfortable tension which comes from holding two conflicting thoughts in the mind at the same time.

"A double minded man is unstable in all his ways." - James 1:8

Knowing something in your head, is not the same as accepting something in your spirit. One can listen to a sermon or teaching and accept that it's a good teaching in one's head, but fail utterly to internalize it and accept it in one's spirit. This is what Jesus meant when He explained the parable of the sower. Some seed (the word) fell onto stony ground, and these are the people who listen to the word and accept it with joy, but the word does not take root, because it does not penetrate into the spirit. When tribulation comes, it withers because there is no root.

Being doubtful and indecisive is torturous. There are many times when I don't know which way seems the 'right' way. Most decisions you make in life are in fact not clear cut black and white, but always in shades of gray. So many times I've made decisions without thinking things through and regretted it later. On hindsight, they were not very wise decisions. Yet when we try to factor in too many considerations, we end up becoming immobilized, unable to make any conclusion. This is the source of doubtfulness and indecisiveness.

Thankfully, I believe that in these decisions, He will guide us through. Again, it's not that walking the path He asks you to will be all rosy, but knowing that this is what He wants gives me strength even when things don't seem to be going well.

I believe I've done my best, and will continue doing it. I have no regrets and will focus to keep doing that... and whatever happens, happens.

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Posted by Gerald at 1/29/2008 01:00:00 PM

Looking for...

Saturday, January 26, 2008

... open doors. Unfortunately, I'm thinking I don't have that kind of luxury...

It can get frustrating when you try to do your best in whatever area it is, but end up seeing what is seemingly a fruitless venture. It's tough when putting in your best effort, believing for SOME (even if it's small) success leads only to disappointment.

Hope has always been something everyone clings on to despite facing hardships, for without it we'd all wither, crumble and give in. How do you tell the difference between stubbornly refusing to let go of something which you probably should, from standing firm, persevering and riding the storm? It's a question I've asked many times.

I guess the closest I have to finding the answer, is knowing that if you follow God's directions, and the hope is from Him, then you should persevere until you breakthrough. Otherwise, you're just acting on your own strength and not standing by His words.

I believe in what He says, not that everything will definitely turn out smoothly just because He revealed His word to me, but that in the end, this is the path He has asked me to walk... and I will walk it to the best of my ability, relying on His strength and direction every step of the way.

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Posted by Gerald at 1/26/2008 01:33:00 AM

Waiting for the dust to settle

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Sometimes, things happen that you really can't say much about... You don't have any control over them so the only thing you can do is sit at the sidelines and watch...

Now it seems that this sideline at least, is getting cramped. Please don't get injured anymore.

With so many things happening, it's best to just wait for the dust to settle before doing anything... rash decisions now can be very detrimental...

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Posted by Gerald at 1/16/2008 01:38:00 PM

Final semester jitters

Friday, January 11, 2008

The last semester of my student life is about to begin this coming Monday. I really don't want it to come, because I know it will zip by me and before I know it I'll be graduating.

I really enjoy university life and I don't want to leave it so soon!

In any case, there really isn't much of a choice. The transition can be frightening, but at the same time, exciting! I don't know for sure what's going to happen, but I do know that I'll be entering a new phase in my life, and a very important one at that.

So what are the things I'd like to do before I graduate? I don't really know. I guess I really ought to spend more time with the people around, and cherish the friendships I've got because there won't be a lot of time in the future. Many things will be done for the 'last time', and I guess I really DO want to make this year as memorable as possible. Last year ended really well for me, but I'm believing that this year will be even better.

Working on my goals for this year and realizing that some of the things are pretty achievable, but others would be difficult to achieve to the point it can seem a little unrealistic... or rather, I'd need a lot of FAITH to attain it. No reason not to aim high though.

Four years in university and it's down to the last semester. Here's to a great final few months in school. Maybe some miracles may happen to make it even more memorable... ^_^

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Posted by Gerald at 1/11/2008 09:26:00 PM

Focusing on goals

Sunday, January 06, 2008

The sermon today talked about focus, about how our goals have to be Specific, Measurable, come with an Action plan, Realistic, have a Time frame, be planned with Expectation management and with Revelation, or SMARTER. This sermon is pretty standard stuff, but pastor added some new parts to it at the end.

We need goals so that we can focus on them, to have a place to concentrate our energy on. The opposite of focus, is DISTRACTION! So pastor was sharing about some of the things we mustn't do.

1) Don't get distracted by INTERIM SUCCESSES John 3:22
Jesus was focussed on his calling, not on the seeming success of his baptism ministry.

2) Don't get distracted by COMPETITION John 21:17-22
Regardless of what your rivals are doing, focus your energy on achieving your goal.

3) Don't get distracted by the PAIN OF LIFE Heb 12:1-2
Always keep your eyes on the important thing.

I was really encouraged by it. Now it's time I penned down all my goals.

Oh, trip back to KL was fun, tiring but pretty enjoyable I guess...

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Posted by Gerald at 1/06/2008 02:55:00 PM