Wednesday, January 13, 2010
It's been a good solid year and more since I last even visited this place. I doubt it will last long. Still, there are many things here that give glimpses of my past experiences. Some I cherish, some I am want to forget. But in all, it's still interesting to visit.
Work has obviously taken it's toll and I don't think much had changed. I'm still as busy as ever if not more so and Im still waiting for a lull period that doesn't seem to be coming. In a flash I've been working for more than a year and I must wonder a little about life and what I'm in for and where I'm headed in life.
I am me. I have been and always will be. Although i strive for change, for betterment of myself, attitudes, thinking, outlook, mindset, opinions, words... I'm still me. Sadly that's not really good enough sometimes is it?
This isn't meant to be a depressing post, but more a reflective one. I still need You, now more than ever, and I can cling on to only You, for who else is there who loves me like You?
And as I'm still trusting You, I have yet to find my suitable helper, or potential helper. Still, take me and lead me for Your will is really all that matters...
Friday, December 12, 2008
Work is going fine really... but something was ignited inside of me, a holy dissatisfaction if you will, that got me quite stirred up.
The year is coming to an end, and it's almost Christmas, but no, I don't feel all warm and fuzzy. In fact, I'm a little apprehensive about the things to come, although I'm praying hard about the coming year.
The thing that's bugging me is this: How can you have faith in people when you're not accepted as you are by them?
How do you feel comfortable when your acceptance stems not from being yourself, but from being what others are comfortable with?
I know this is human nature, and I myself am guilty of this at times. I understand that people only accept you if they're comfortable with you and have things in common with you. I also understand that idiosyncrasies are hard to be comfortable with...
But this should NOT happen HERE.
I know, we shouldn't be looking for acceptance from man, but the least anyone would expect is the demonstration of God's acceptance no?
THIS is the problem! How can we expect others to feel comfortable when we aren't accepting? Do you even care? I know your mouths will tell me yes, but your actions tell me no. Most are to stuck in their own comfort zone, content with doing what is comfortable rather than what's right. Sure I could do the same, and I can admit that I've been tempted many many MANY times... but I still try to do what's RIGHT!
I can't really blame anyone, after all, I'm at fault too. But it doesn't mean I should feel happy or content about it.
Nobody said it was easy. Nobody said it was 'natural'. It's NOT. This is precisely WHY it's a sacrifice. It's also precisely why that's what God expects us to do. Unfortunately, most of us can't see past our own little circle of comfort to extend that genuine love we ought to have for others who may be different. Again, no, I'm not blaming anyone, but maybe, just MAYBE, someone will realize the same things I have, and stop giving the excuse that "I'm just not comfortable PERIOD" but instead take the "I'm not too comfortable but because I want to be the living proof of God's love, I'll TRY!"
If there was one thing I wished for this Christmas, it would be this...
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The show itself covered a wide variety of things that we often think about, but will never publicly talk about due to political incorrectness. It's a very 'Western' setting though, so issues such as finding your own place after college, finding purpose and meaning in life, one night stands and the like might be lost on certain people. The show's take on racism and homosexuality are probably what most people truly think, but wouldn't admit it to anyone even if asked.
The songs were absolutely MAGNIFICENT. I take my hats off to the lyricist, whoever he/she is. The tunes were very catchy, but to me, it is the quality of the lyrics that makes it truly amazing. I couldn't help buying the soundtrack.
The content is very adult themed, so vulgarities and sexual innuendos were everywhere. Definitely not for the conservative, there's even an actual 'sex scene'. While I don't subscribe to those values, understanding why others do help me enjoy the show and 'appreciate' the jokes.
All in all, it is definitely a fun watch. I'd like to go again, but it has already blown a hole in my pocket, so I'll need to save up the coming weeks. If you enjoy witty dialog, songs and appreciate superb lyrics that 'fit' a song but at the same time carry punchlines and quality humour, then Avenue Q is a MUST WATCH!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
I just wanted a record of this day...
Very low key...
Not complaining though...
Thanks for all the well wishes...
The thoughts are more than enough...
Wondering if I should be worried that I'm indifferent...
Happy birthday to me!
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
A: Are you sure? Just say what you want.
A: Why so stubborn?
Me: I'm not. I really can't think of anything I really want.
A: There must be something that you think about wanting.
Me: Yes. 42" LCD TV. A drum set. An electric guitar and amp. PS3. A pair of Geox. Strike Freedom MG Full Burst.
A: ... Something not so pricey?
Me: Nope. Can't think of anything.
To set the record straight, I really can't think of anything at this point that I'd feel really happy about getting this time around. Those are just 'wants', and are really just indulgence. I'm quite satisfied without.
Thing is, I'm really a very easy person to please. I'm satisfied very easily, and you don't need to go to great lengths before I can feel happy. The thought to me is more than enough.
Monday, November 03, 2008
I think the difficulty for me, is what exactly constitutes this unusual response? That which is unusual for others, may be usual to me. That which is unusual to me, may be usual to others. I guess it refers to the context where the 'normal' response is that which most people in the world would deem the logical, rational, and understandable one.
I'm reminded again by Prov 13:12, about how unfulfilled hope for success and breakthrough makes the heart sick, and THIS is the reason why breakthrough is necessary! Without seeing the hand of God moving, it is impossible to keep having a passion for His things, to find excitement in life, to wake up each morning looking forward to newer things...
A sick heart is one where visions from God become merely a prolonged and unfulfilled hope or could degenerate into merely wishful thinking... In order to overcome this, the manifestation of God's promises in our lives is necessary!
As I reflect back on the visions I have for my life, for the things God has called me to, I know that there are many times where I feel discouraged, that these visions are so difficult to fulfill, that they're just a desire that is intangible, and sometimes, even that they're not from Him... but I believe, that as I give my unusual response... as I do something that steps beyond that which is ordinary, beyond that which is 'usual', His word will become flesh in my life!
I present to You my first fruits!
Saturday, November 01, 2008
I don't know why I do the things I do.
I don't know why I say the things I say.
I don't know why I approach things the way I approach them.
I don't know why I love the things and people I love.
I don't know why I can't seem to find the strength.
I just don't understand how or why... I think at the end of the day, I just wished I knew why I think the way I think...
Or maybe this is just an excuse to write a post...