Personal Blather!

My christmas was supposed to be exciting... Carnival at church, services, Cell Group party, celebrating with friends... I was looking forward to a great year end... but just at the last two weeks, God chooses to drop a few bombshells on me... and they're not small mini bombshells...

I despise myself... I despise myself for not being able to hold my head up high and ignore the problems around me... to smile and enjoy the christmas season... I tried... I really did... I despise myself for not making the right decision earlier... for putting myself in this situation... for making things difficult not just for myself, but for the people around me... I'm sorry... I hope that I can have a chance to rectify things, to try again... to do what I was afraid to do earlier... do I still have that chance? I hope against hope...