Personal Blather!

What does moving on mean? That you put down what you have and go for something else? Is that moving on? Or is it taking the next step to attaining a goal that you have? How does it fit in different contexts? I don't know... I just do what I feel God is telling me to do.

I was told to move on, by more than one person. Logically (and I know I'm a logical person) it's the right thing to do. Under any other circumstances, I'd probably agree and comply. That's how I've been able to get over many things in life so far. But this time, it's not that simple...

I tried, I really did... I thought initially everything would settle in about two weeks, three at most... It wasn't anything particularly new... I don't know if it's escapism... God knows it's a lot easier to let go than to hold on, knowing full well that you're holding on to thin air... but when God asks you to trust Him, what do you do? I keep asking Him, should I just let go... should I just give up... and His reply each time was never to according to what I asked. I half wished He'd just let me, but He won't. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I cannot do anything, except trust in Him...

No, I never expected what I wrote to influence the situation. I know better than that. Perhaps I was expecting a miracle, or divine intervention... vain hope, that...

One thing remains... my commitment and decision. It might be late... probably too late... but as I've stated before, it's a choice, not merely a 'feeling'. If I am clinging on to vain hope, then I am doing so based on God's will. I pray He strengthen me to face it and take the fall if it is His will. I have fallen before, many times... and people still ask why I have yet to succeed. The truth is, I don't know. It's definitely not from lack of trying... Even if I fall, and fall hard, I will still do what He says... for He is all I have left. Perhaps I really am just stubborn, too strong headed, too irrational, childish, immature... but there's a saying I heard once: Nothing done out of love is ever evil... I just pray that it holds true...