Personal Blather!

That's what I'm taking and that's why there are quite a lot of posts recently. Been programming for hours and it's not beneficial to just keep going without breaks. It resets your mind and gives you a fresh perspective, which is what I need just now...

Mid sem break is almost over. I didn't really do as much as I expected, due to unforeseen circumstances. Been rushing assignments and project work (which till now I STILL have yet to do). Working as best I can. Also been surfing recently to destress, after all the browser is just an Alt+Tab away. Some things caught my eye, like Technorati™ top three searches, ShaolinTiger's take on egosurfing, YouTube for funny, homemade videos, revisited Megatokyo again after a long sabbatical...

No I don't have anything interesting to write just now... I don't have the inclination or motivation to do just about anything... if I do anything, it's mechanical... I don't see the point in doing anything... I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel... I'm in a pit that's so deep I don't know which direction I'm facing let alone how to get out of it... I wallow in misery and self-pity, and I beat myself up for it at the same time... I feel down, and I despise myself for not being able to control and forget it... I feel that life is meaningless, everything is meaningless... I'm just drifting along the sands of time hoping to find a niche, SOME area in my life that I can say I actually did something worthwhile... I don't see it...

I only know how to do one thing, to carry on despite what I feel, despite what I think, and trust that You will see me through... I remember Job, who even though was robbed of everything, did not blame You. I choose not to either, even though there are doubts... even though there is pain... Naked I come, naked I will go... I ask only that You help me do what is right in Your sight while I can...