Saturday, September 25, 2004

Long day, but quite fulfilling. Went for my test today, and I scored a measly 19/30. It was totally unexpected. That test was supposed to be a programming test, but they asked definitions of concepts instead of the understanding of their usage and applications. The time constraint didn't help either. I expected at least 25 out of 30... Granted, I was really careless (I got 2 simple ones wrong because I was too flustered and missed it), but I really think it's not something that should've been done as it doesn't really test our ability to program well IMHO. Although many would probably disagree with me. Still, I think I'm entitled to my opinion no?

Yes, it's late. I don't know why but I feel good about cast practice today. More than once I could feel the emotions from the scenes. I guess it's true that when you really throw yourself into it, it really get's you going. It's like an adrenaline rush that keeps coming. I certainly hope I'm not the only person feeling it.

I think the time has finally come where some start getting a little uneasy with others. I really don't think I have anything against anyone. I had a few serious conversations with certain people and I really don't know what to think anymore. I believe I'm the kind of person who is very frank, most of the times brutally so. I usually just say what I mean, even though it may not be very pleasing for others to hear. Some are in the opinion that I shouldn't do that. Is it really wrong to tell a person if you see something wrong? I don't really know. I feel that you need two kinds of people around. One who is always the quiet type and bottles everything up inside and carries on, and the other who just blurts out what sometimes needs to be said. I was kind of struck that someone told me that it was better for me to just keep quiet when I'm unhappy about something. I do agree that sometimes (if not quite often) I say things which are hurtful. But I know and I know and I know that I don't say them with the intention of hurting them or wanting to put them down, even though sometimes it may seem that way. I don't like to keep things inside, so when I feel unhappy or uncomfortable about something, I just say it. Sure, I agree that we have to control our emotions, but sometimes it's not a matter of letting emotions get the better of you, rather I just feel the need to say or do something. I believe I'm a very VERY task oriented person. I don't really think too much about feelings as long as I solve the problem. That could be a negative thing, and I do try to work on it. But then again, is it so wrong to be focused on solving the problems even if sometimes it is overlooking the emotional aspect? Isn't it wrong to be to focused on the emotional aspect that the problem is never addressed and hence never solved? Isn't it also wrong to think that by keeping things inside it works well for everyone?

I personally feel that being told if there's something is wrong with me is better; at least I'd know. Of course, you could say that it's just me and that not everyone can take it being told of their character flaws. So is it the right thing to just let it continue to let it linger and never help that person solve it because they never know there's something wrong? Isn't it the case of when a person sees another in a difficult situation but refuses to do anything as compared to someone who sees it and tries to help that person, even if the help is refused or taken as hostility? Is it wrong to do something to help a person when that person seems not to want it or refuses it but the something may actually be benneficial or even crucial? I really don't know anymore. Just because someone doesn't appear to accept your help but obviously needs it, does it mean we don't? Similarly, just because you think someone may not like it if they're told of a character flaw, does it mean we never point it out to them and help them overcome it? Of course, the way in which we do it is important too, but that isn't what I'm discussing just yet. I can address this another time.

Wow, I wrote quite a bit today. I certainly hope that there are no typos.

I got my band budget proposal done and submitted, and thank goodness for Eng Kiat who helped me with the amp proposal. I think band is really indebted to a lot of seniors this year, especially since I'm new. I'm going to sleep now. Tomorrow is a long day. Night!

Posted by Gerald at 9/25/2004 03:32:00 AM