Personal Blather!

Well, it's been a VERY erm... eventful week. I've had FOUR papers thus far and I KNOW I did my best to study for all of them. It started out very well, with the first paper pretty much doable; I completed just about everything I could, so the exams started out on a good note. However, it deteriorated as the week progressed. EE was tough, I completed about 75% of the paper, which was about all that I could do given the time. Then came math, and my goodness, the lecturer must be out to totally crush our morale. I would have done pretty well had I understood the question, but about 50% of the paper left me in the dark. And finally today, Digital Logic and Design, that too was a total killer, having not enough time to attempt all questions. I really think that it would've been justified to be down the entire week... except I think I'm really not. I dunno. I just feel a sense of detachment, kind of like it's not worth the worry, even though logically I think I should be very worried now. Guess the peace of God can be really amazing.

Right now, I'm also studying for my last paper, which is my Singapore Studies module on the Evolution of a Global City State. Interestingly, I'd thought I would score on at least this module, but that somehow failed to happen. I wrote a term paper and rewrote the whole thing when I found that it was not up to standard, but still I didn't manage to exactly score in that paper. I guess I should've S/U'd the module, but it was not something I really wanted to do if there was a chance I could do well. I'm just going to have to trust God again for his provision.

The one thing that comes to mind now is what I remember one Pastor Jim Yost sharing with me a while back; It's when you put yourself in at the edge and say, "God if you don't do something I'm going to fall" that you see miracles happen. Not implying that we should intentionally play the whole semester and hope to do well (I admit I played but I really studied for the exams >.<) but even after all that hard work, and the situation is as such, the only thing you can do is pray for God to work his miracles. I believe that He will do it for me!

Right now I should go back to studying. There's just ONE MORE paper left, and then I can use the time to catch up on sleep, and do some other stuff that's been screaming for my attention. Signing off...

Exams are starting in a few days. I'm doing what I can to prepare for the test, but somehow it never seems enough. I think that if I want to survive next semester onwards I need to focus a lot more.

Anyway, just a short break to write a few things in here. I'm seriously dead bored with this design, so the long overdue major overhaul is going to arrive just about after my exams. I'm going to learn PHP, which should make this more interactive. I just hope blogspot allows people to actually do that... Otherwise, I guess it'll be back to the same old style... but design wise, it's seriously got to change.

I wonder why there are so many things about blogs which make people become so interested in them. The incident at NUS (about that guy declaring his love for a girl in the middle of lecture) wasn't that big an issue until the 'victim' started blogging about it. I won't comment about this matter, but it's evident that blogs have become more than just a private place to rant. In fact, if you actually vent your frustrations or personal opinions on the net, you may suddenly become the target of abuse. That scholar who was severely affected (by the media naturally) because he ranted a little in his blog, clearly shows that blogs are no longer 'private'. Anonymity was one of the key reasons people wanted to post their thoughts on the net instead of writing it in a journal. No, I do not condone racism (as in the case of the scholar) nor do I wish to comment on the 'love' issue, but obviously human curiousity has led to many strange phenomenons of late. That 'love' issue made the 'victim's blog suddenly flooded with visitors, all eager to pry into what happened after and to find out her reaction. Granted, it was a public confession which was filmed by the NUS webcast, but why the big fuss? The event was even sprayed on the front page of the Straits Times™ days later. Some say that it was allowed because the government is trying to promote marriage and hence the huge publicity, but even more endearing is the fact that so many people around the world were interested in the issue. The number of searches from Google™ for the girl and news about her was certainly plenty.

Blogs are meant for penning down thoughts, feelings, rants, anything that a particular person may want to write. Of course, being public, it is inevitable that people stumble across it once in a while, so a certain amount of discretion is expected. Essentially, I believe the author has a 'right' to write whatever he or she wants in his or her blog as long as it is according to the terms of service of whatever publishing or blog website host. As humans, we sometimes feel down or a certain dark side may emerge; we are weak in the sense that we have all fallen before. So assuming one does suddenly feel frustrated over a certain 'group of people' and in the heat of the moment write something uncharacteristic of a 'good, mature, understanding, perfect human' in his or her blog, is it grounds enough to condemn the person? It would be different if the entire content of the blog is to condemn a particular group of people or person, but if it was just a reflection of what that person felt at that time, is it wrong? Can we truly say we have never fallen into the same pit before? Is the fact that every other post written in the blog had nothing threatening save a few rants simply void because of ONE post? I certainly wonder. I do not hope that I would fall into the same trap, but I do believe that if I were to post in my blog, and truly state my feelings, it may sometimes make certain people unhappy. That is life. I don't think we have a right to judge a person like that. The only thing we can do is control how we react to that person and his or her actions.

So what's my point? What I write, is what I want to write, because a blog to me is an avenue to release emotions. That said, the responsibility to write what is edifying and that which is 'good' lies upon me. The only thing anyone ought to do about it is react positively to it. Understand that a lot of times, people make mistakes because they do things on impulse. Also try to understand that people do a lot of things because they just didn't know better at that time. It's not our job to condemn them. Spamming and sending hate mail will only harden that person, not change him or her. Making comments like, "This person doesn't deserve to be human" or anything similar in no way makes that person come to his or her senses. I say unless the blog is repeatedly going against morality and ethics then leave the author who wrote that one post be. It was a slip and ignoring it would be far better than condemning him or her for it.

Blogs are public, but also remember that it is the avenue a lot of people choose to speak out whatever they feel inside. We all make mistakes, as long as we learn from them, it's fine. There's no need to keep harping on it. For me, I think I'll keep personal posts in another place where NOONE but me can see it.

Finally fixed the picture problems... I deleted them by accident... but it's all back up now.

Exams are around the corner, and it's no easy thing studying. I guess I do study, but sometimes it just seems that it's not enough. Distractions aside, I at least try to cover what I can and thank God for His provision. I still need to keep working.

Life in hall has settled down, but there are a few things still left unsettled. For one thing, I've been approached to handle the hall server which seems really good. It won't be as time consuming although it WILL be a bigger responsibility. I'm praying that it won't clash with anything that I might need to do, especially not studies and cell.

Easter has been great, and these few weeks too. Hope everyone else had a great easter too.

I just submitted my essay today and hopefully I get an A for it. Praying for it. Also studying for an upcoming test, so I shouldn't write too much. Thank you all for your concern. I'll be heading back to KL early May, but I might have to drop back down to Singapore in June. Looking forward to break, but have to go through exams first. Trusting in God for it... and studying too. ^_^