Personal Blather!

I guess I never expected to be in this position so soon...

Thinking about it though, it's not all bad... in a way, it DOES reflect how I wanted things to be... with the exception of one thing...

Perception.

I never expected it to be positive at this point. The whole point was to allow an opportunity to make a difference. I think I DO have that opportunity, and I'll do my best to make it count... In the end, I know what should be done... and I'll do just that. I have no expectations, just a desire to follow God's word, and I think that's enough.

There are some things in life worth pursuing, worth fighting for... Fighting will involve the element of risk, the possibility of losing. Getting hurt would definitely be part of the process.

So we often have to look at circumstances, to weigh and judge if the result is worth the risk. Sometimes, the prize seems to be very precious, but even so, the cost may be too great.

We make decisions based on our life priorities, that's a given. I used to wonder why some people can seem so unwise, to be willing to risk their future for a moment of glory, but when faced with the same decision, I cannot truly say I would definitely make the right decision. I KNOW for a fact that at the end of the day, it's just a stupid 1 hour match. I KNOW that after that match I'm going to look back and think "Why the hell did we go through so much just to play that one game?" My head tells me that I ought to know what to decide, to do that which is wise. But still I'm faced with the question yet again: Am I willing to put my future on the line for a short moment of 'glory'? The rational part of me is saying "don't be stupid!", but another part of me says "you only live life once, so go do it!"

I'd like to think I'm the kind of person who would go all out for something I believed in. If I'm thoroughly convinced that God's will is for me to excel in this area, and I have passion for it, I think I'd be willing to give up a lot to get it done. Unfortunately, in this one instance, I'm not so sure what God's will is... true, He asked us to excel, but He also told us to be wise, and I'm not so sure if choosing to be this reckless is considered 'wise'.

I guess in the end, I did choose to fight for it. I'll once again do my part and pray for God to do His. I positioned myself the best I knew how to make things as favorable for me to play, but it seems it just couldn't happen. Now I don't know if I still have the opportunity, but God willing, I think I can try!

The biggest question I have is this: Is having this attitude glorifying God? I really believe that if it does, then I can trust in His protection. Otherwise I'm just running on my own strength. Being reckless can hardly be something God would want us to be... but I doubt He'd want us to be people who weren't willing to step out in faith either.

So to fight, or not to fight... I'm going to FIGHT if it's where I believe You want me to go, where I believe You're leading me, where I believe You're directing me to go. I think this is one area I might consider fighting for instead of drawing back. I'm just waiting for You to reveal Your will, and I believe I'll see it through the doors that You open for me... or don't open. Thank You.